Black Friday, which happens to be Michael Richards' least favorite day of the year, is one the best days of the year for people who like to get an early jump on their holiday shopping while getting pummeled into the ground. This year stores did their best to ring in the holiday season with sales like buy one for the price of two and get one free and buy one shoe and get two free*. Countless customers took the bait and flocked to the stores like flies to a bug zapper in hopes of getting a Play Station 3 that isn't going for $1400 like they are on Ebay, or a non-existent $250 laptop that many stores were said to contain.
This year, with the recent arrival of Play Station 3 I decided I would try my luck and attempt to snatch one up early at my local WalMart. I went to WalMart with the intent to get in and out of there real quick with a brand new Play Station 3, but in the end all I left with was a dislocated jaw, a massive hospital bill, and very little dignity.
Thursday, 5:00PM EST
I skipped Thanksgiving dinner with my terminally ill grandfather. I figured it wasn't worth me getting upset over the thought that this Thanksgiving might be his last with us. So I decided to make last year's Thanksgiving the potentially last one with him, and so I left to claim my spot online at WalMart for my PS3.
Thursday, 5:25PM EST
I arrived at WalMart hoping to be the first or second person in line. Instead I was more like the 35th person waiting. I guess everyone else here has terminally ill family, too. I took a metal folding chair, some small food items to eat, and some reading material to keep me occupied while waiting for the store to open at 5:00AM.
Thursday, 8:45PM EST
It feels like I've been waiting here for 12 hours now, but it's only been a little more than three. I can't really feel my hands anymore, I've already eaten all my food, and someone stole my chair. This is going to be bad.
Friday, 12:07AM EST
It's now officially Black Friday, and I can officially not feel my legs anymore. I'm worried that pretty soon I'm not going to be able to move my hands anymore. It'll be a shame if I have to have my hands amputated because of frost bite. At least I'll have my PS3 though. I'll come up with some ideas how I can use it without hands while I'm waiting. Maybe my feet or my co... Nah.
Friday, 3:30AM EST
There are about 400 people here now. I've been talking to some of the people around me and most of them are here for cheap monitors and toys for their kids. I have a good chance at getting a PS3!
This is just before disaster struck
Friday, 4:40AM EST
Only a few more minutes until they open up! Everyone is getting ready for the rush in. WalMart has several employees by the door with cattle prods, and there are about 5 police officers that are standing around making sure nothing gets out of hand. Hopefully I'll be in and out and be home by 6 so I can start gaming.
Friday, 5:00:20AM EST
They're opening the doors! We're on our wa.... END TRANSMISSION.
Friday, 11:33AM EST
I woke up in a hospital and have no recollection between then and now. No PS3 for me this year. All I got this year was a dislocated jaw, a massive hospital bill, and a huge chunk of my dignity broken off. I wonder if they have any Black Friday specials here at the hospital.
You can see a video of me getting my jaw dislocated
here.
*Limit one offer per customer.
