Future, Right Ahead!

Chris

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Future, Right Ahead!

« on: May 13, 2008, 05:39:32 PM »

URL: http://www.gotthegeek.com/content/view/209/1/

Believe it or not, the future is now! It always has been, and always will be, even when time ceases to exist. The distant future in which we used to find comfort in is no longer so distant. In fact, if you had to put things into perspective, it's like the neighbor's dog in you back yard picking through your garbage cans for food scraps. Luckily for me, I can legally shoot any animal that's on my property; even it happens to be my neighbor's dog. Though, me shooting my neighbor's dog doesn't help save us from the not so distant distant future (That means, "the close distant future, for all of you who feel compelled to write me an email telling me there's a typo). It might prevent him from coming on my property again, but it's not going to stop the future from happening. Wait. I stopped the future from happening to the dog. Maybe I'm on to something.

For decades we have been putting every thing off for the future. We all do this on a daily basis by saying, "Oh, I'll do that later!" (Like showering, for instance), but then of course you fail to do it later because you either have the memory of a gold fish, or you're just retarded. I can tell you from experience, the longer you wait to do things, the less likely they are to get done.

As gothics and atheists would like us to believe, the future has a grim outlook for society - War, fuel worth more than the automobile that it's in, violence and sex oozing from every source of media known to man, and obesity becoming more widespread than the water on our planet - are all things we have to look forward to within the next two decades if we don't act fast. In order to react to the problems of the future - just as if you were going to react to the problems of now - you have to understand the root cause of our problems, and the driving forces that enable them to become root causes.

Root Cause #1: The Media:
Our biggest and most obvious problem is the media. They're the ones who feed us all this propaganda about how the world is coming to an end within the next year and if we don't act now we're all going to hell afterwards. The media is a great catalyst when it comes to starting wars as well as starting bad habits such as meth.

All of the major news networks feed off of each other. If one says there was a train derailment in which two cars went off the tracks, the next news agency will say every car went off the tracks and one of them is believed to contain a missing nuclear bomb from the 1980s. The next news agency will top that by saying a train car went off the tracks, caught fire with a nuclear bomb onboard believed to be counting down towards destination and is currently rolling towards a preschool near you.

The media knows the general population will believe what they have to say because they broadcast their content on TV. They know that since the general popular heard and saw it on TV, they accept it as the truth since, well, it was on TV. The media would like us to believe that when we wake up tomorrow the oceans will be vast cauldrons of boiling mercury and a comet will be crashing into Earth within the next 10 minutes. They are right in the sense that we have problems here on Earth, but so does every other planet with life on it. Take Mars for example, Martians have yet to get out of the stone age. Talk about a set back.

Root Cause #2: The Internet:
Another key contributor as to why the not so distant distant future doesn't look so good is due to the internet. The internet is an amazing tool that has helped link the entire world together by allowing people around the world to communicate with each other as if they were in the same room. Not only has this given the media another entry point into your house in which they can attempt to ooze their subliminal messages through your computer, but it also has enabled the process of corruption to spread throughout the entire world in just under a decade.

Looks like SOMEONE forgot to press F7 to spell check

Congratulations, internet! You're partly responsible in the downfall of man kind!

Sources of corruption on the internet largely include the media (There's a recurring theme here), internet gaming (Specifically MMORPGs and Megaman), e-commerce, blogs, FaceBook and MySpace, and of course all flavors of pornography (No pun intended, scat lovers). If we took all sites pertaining to this material off of the internet, there would be nothing left, with the exception of Google and a few "I love my dog" pages.

The Internet is also responsible for fostering such tools as spell check, programs that can solve fairly complex mathematical equations in seconds, and search engines that have made traditional libraries a thing of the past. When used correctly, these tools are powerful assets to the business world and they help to make every day life easier for millions. Thanks to these tools, we now have a generation of children growing up that rely on spell check as a means for ensuring words are spelled correctly, they rely on their graphing calculators to find the zeros of an equation, they utilize search engines in an effort to plagiarize work. But who am I kidding, they don't know how to utilize spell check correctly, so it's not even an issue. In some instances, spell check fails to find words misused, such as "dew", "due", and "do".

The Internet has successfully dumbed down society, and we're going to be totally screwed as a result.

Root Cause #3: The "No Child Left Behind act"
Put into action in 2001 by the Bush Administration, the No Child Left Behind act serves as a way to ensure that no student gets left behind in the dust because they can't read, write, or add and subtract numbers like generations in the past had to do. It's indeed a noble idea to think that the United States' government is willing to invest as much time and money into a young child as needed until he or she is deemed proficient, but the system has some flaws. (Note, "some" might be an understatement)

This has caused nothing but problems in many school districts around the country, as well as many headaches throughout the internet as more and more uneducated people take to the net and spread their stupid across as many forums and websites as they can possibly find. It's not uncommon for children to move from the 8th grade to the 9th grade without knowing how to add and subtract fractions, as well as the inability to pronounce words such as "uneducated" without the teacher's help. We see this on an almost everyday basis in The Geek Forums when new members sign up for an account and insist on not using their shift or period keys.

For this deliberate dumbing down of America, we're even more screwed than we were before. In 20 years' time the kids of today will be running the global economy, yet they won't know how to read, write, or add and subtract whole numbers correctly. Though, I don't think we could get any worse than we are right now with some of the current leaders we have elected to office. The only requirements to graduate high school in the not so distant distant future will be to spell out "lol" and be able to send a text message saying "omg rly" in under five seconds without having to use the "clr" key because you made a mistake.

Root Cause #4: Rising Gas Prices:
Rising fuel prices are all the rage these days. With a gallon of gas going for nearly $3.60 on average it's no wonder why more and more people are looking into motorcycles, horses and teleporters like the once popular game Doom portrays. It's interesting to note that Doom also somehow portrays teenagers shooting up schools.

This is what our future might look like if we're not careful

During this time of economic uncertainty, the media would like us to think that gas will be going up to $10.00 per gallon just in time for this evening's commute. With much speculation, an increased demand, and a supposed lessened supply it's no wonder why gas prices are increasing on a daily (If you're lucky) basis. The price of fuel influences just about the price of any other consumer good we purchase since it's used in the production of such goods. Cars, cell phones, computers, food, and crystal meth all require machines during the production process. These machines are powered by oil, which is largely controlled by OPEC, which we all know is controlled by the Bush Administration, which is controlled by Bush Senior, who is controlled by his wife, who is controlled by Satan himself.

The media and certified experts (Who are actually Magical Wizards) have made it clear that if we don't fix these problems now, we're doomed - in fact, we already are doomed, but we could prevent ourselves from being even more doomed if we fix these problems now before it’s too late.


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