Topic: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread (Read 29277 times)

ivan · « **Reply #50 on:** July 25, 2011, 01:19:36 PM »

Well, another alternative would be to change everyone's user name to "your user name".

Demosthenes · « **Reply #51 on:** July 25, 2011, 01:23:03 PM »

Heh. Or, as one coworker suggested, make that part of the procedure a dynamic field that automatically pulls their %username% when they open it...

ivan · « **Reply #52 on:** July 25, 2011, 01:54:06 PM »

There you go. Or switch to a web-based UI and let FireFox remember their names for them.

Demosthenes · « **Reply #53 on:** July 25, 2011, 02:01:22 PM »

Incidentally, "%username%" is what I write on name tags any time I have to wear them.

ivan · « **Reply #54 on:** July 25, 2011, 02:05:30 PM »

i am so stealing that

Demosthenes · « **Reply #55 on:** July 25, 2011, 02:30:41 PM »

Hell, you could steal my actual old nametags and wear them. That's the great thing about global variables, isn't it?

ivan · « **Reply #56 on:** July 25, 2011, 02:52:16 PM »

All the world's a global variable,
And all the men and women merely fleeting values
Stored in RAM.

If God reboots, we're screwed.

pbsaurus · « **Reply #57 on:** July 25, 2011, 04:39:31 PM »

Take as many as you want, Jesus is looking at the pomegranates

Demosthenes · « **Reply #58 on:** August 08, 2011, 08:49:00 AM »

User: I can't reset my PIN on my voicemail.

Me: Since the phone system upgrade, PINs have to be minimum of 6 digits, and they can't be repeating or sequential.

User: Oh. Thanks.

Me: No problem.

[User hangs up, calls back a minute later]

User: Hm..

Me: Yes?

User: No, this still isn't working.

Me: Is your new PIN 6 digits?

User: Yes.

Me: Is it non-sequential?

User: It's 123456.

Me: That's sequential. You can't do that.

User: Hm.

[User hangs up, calls back a minute later]

User: Damn it. This STILL doesn't work.

Me: It can't be repeating either.

User: It's not. I set it to 987654.

Me: That's sequential.

User: No it isn't.

Me: ...

Me: Those numbers are in order.

User: They're backwards.

Me: BACKWARDS IS AN ORDER.

[User hangs up, calls back a minute later]

User: It's still not letting me set my new PIN.

Me: What did you try this time?

User: 555555

Me: That's repeating.

User: So NOTHING I set will work?

Me: *sigh* Just make it non-sequential and non-repeating!

User: I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS

Me: Clearly. Look. Try this: 369258.

User: Ok.

[User hangs up, calls back a minute later]

User: OMG THAT WORKED.

Me: Good!

User: Why did that one work when none of the others did?

Me:

Probie · « **Reply #59 on:** August 08, 2011, 10:30:39 AM »

That one deserves a Darwin award. They beat the odds.

Banshee · « **Reply #60 on:** August 08, 2011, 11:27:00 AM »

Quote from: Mr_Shifty on August 08, 2011, 08:49:00 AM

User: I can't reset my PIN on my voicemail.

Me: Since the phone system upgrade, PINs have to be minimum of 6 digits, and they can't be repeating or sequential.

User: Oh. Thanks.

Me: No problem.

[User hangs up, calls back a minute later]

User: Hm..

Me: Yes?

User: No, this still isn't working.

Me: Is your new PIN 6 digits?

User: Yes.

Me: Is it non-sequential?

User: It's 123456.

Me: That's sequential. You can't do that.

User: Hm.

[User hangs up, calls back a minute later]

User: Damn it. This STILL doesn't work.

Me: It can't be repeating either.

User: It's not. I set it to 987654.

Me: That's sequential.

User: No it isn't.

Me: ...

Me: Those numbers are in order.

User: They're backwards.

Me: BACKWARDS IS AN ORDER.

[User hangs up, calls back a minute later]

User: It's still not letting me set my new PIN.

Me: What did you try this time?

User: 555555

Me: That's repeating.

User: So NOTHING I set will work?

Me: *sigh* Just make it non-sequential and non-repeating!

User: I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS

Me: Clearly. Look. Try this: 369258.

User: Ok.

[User hangs up, calls back a minute later]

User: OMG THAT WORKED.

Me: Good!

User: Why did that one work when none of the others did?

Me:

FTFY. Now with more appropriate avatars.

Quote from: Mr_Shifty on August 08, 2011, 08:49:00 AM

User: Why did that one work when none of the others did?

Me:

Demosthenes · « **Reply #61 on:** August 08, 2011, 11:29:01 AM »

HECTAR! That's awesome!

Min · « **Reply #62 on:** August 08, 2011, 12:03:06 PM »

Quote from: Mr_Shifty on August 08, 2011, 08:49:00 AM

Me: Is it non-sequential?

User: It's 123456.

Me: I have the same combination on my luggage!

Demosthenes · « **Reply #63 on:** August 18, 2011, 03:13:51 PM »

So I'm at work just now and my phone just rang. I suspected it was a telemarketer, but they never answer truthfully if you just ask them that, so I made it easier for them to admit it.

Me: Hello?

Them: Hello I am [unintelligible] from [somesort of shady online office supplies store nobody's ever heard of].

Me: *sigh*

Them: I would like to speak to someone who can make purchasing decisions for your IT or support department please.

Me: That would be me.

Them: I would like to introduce you to our--

Me: Hold on there. Are you trying to sell us something?

Them: Well--

Me: What kind of car do you drive?

Them: ...

Them: I would like to introduce you to our--

Me: What kind of car do you drive?

Them: Uh.

Them: Why does--

Me: If you tell me what kind of car you drive, I'll buy what you're selling.

Them: I drive a Toyota.

Me: I lied.

Them: Wait, what--

Me: *click*

Demosthenes · « **Reply #64 on:** August 23, 2011, 02:45:49 PM »

Another one just a few minutes ago.

(phone rings)

Me: Hello?

Him: Hiya, this is Paul from Cartridge Savers.

Me: Oh.

Him: I was wondering if you had a minute to talk about saving some money on--

Me: Paul.

Him: Uh. Yes?

Me: ...

Him: Yes?

Me: What's the capitol of Missourri?

Him: ...

Him: Uhh... Excuse me?

Me: If you tell me the capitol of Missourri, I'll buy something from you.

Him: Uh.

Him: Hang on.

Me: Take your time.

Him: JEFFERSON CITY!

Me: Ooooooh, I'm sorry.

Him: But it *IS* Jeff--

Me: That answer wasn't in time.

Him: But you said--

Me: Buhbye

*click*

Demosthenes · « **Reply #65 on:** September 16, 2011, 02:21:38 PM »

I was just on an Information Security conference call (I've taken on the role of Information Security Analyst where I work, so I'm involved in lots of this kind of stuff), specifically to talk about what we're going to need to do if we end up wooing a couple of clients in the medical field.

Coworker: We need to come up with a new data security protocol and propagate it

Coworker: We could make a lot of money doing training/seminars for it

Me: For the medical community?

Coworker: Yes.

Me: What would we call it?

Coworker: Hmm

Coworker: North American Medical Business Licensing Association

Me: NAMBLA?

Me: I think that's already taken...

pbsaurus · « **Reply #66 on:** September 16, 2011, 04:42:39 PM »

Did he look like Marlon Brando?

TameableExpert · « **Reply #67 on:** October 27, 2011, 12:42:48 AM »

Me: Hello, *Blah Blah Blah* How may I help you?

Them: MY SERVER IS DOWN.

Me:*Thinks to self: O RLY? You should fix that....* Ok, are you using outlook express?

Them: WHY IS MY SERVER DOWN?

Me: Ok, let me take a look for you. Are you using outlook express?

Them: I AM USING INTERNET.

Me: Ok. Now when you get your mail do you go to ___________.com or do you use a program?

Them: I USE THE INTERNET. DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU ARE DOING?

Me: Yes, I am just gathering information so we can resolve the problem.

Them: OK THEN FIX IT.

Me: Ok. Now can I have you open your email?

Them: NO. I AM ON THE PHONE AND SINCE I HAVE DIAL-UP I CAN'T DO BOTH AT THE SAME TIME.

Me: Ok, for this part we don't need to connect to the Internet.

Them: OK IT'S OPEN.

Me: Alright.

*45mins of customer's confusion on what is actually happening*

Me: Alright, So all of the account settings are correct. Can I have you try that and give me a call back if it is not working?

Them: WELL I CAN'T BECAUSE I AM TALKING TO YOU.

Me: Alright. Could we end the call, have you try, and then could you give me a call back?

Them: YES. BYE.

Me: Ok, Have a *Customer hangs up* great day...

*Customer calls back*

Them: IT's STILL NOT WORKING! I WANT TO TALK TO SOMEONE WHO KNOWS WHAT THEY ARE DOING!

*10 Minutes of calming customer down*

Me: Ok, So when you go to get your email does it make the dial-up sounds?

Them: NO.

Me: Ok, so when it goes to connect do you get an error message?

Them: IT DIDN'T CONNECT.

Me: Did you connect to the Internet?

Them: NO. DO YOU WANT ME TO TRY THAT?

Me: Yes please. If that does not work please let me know.

Them: OK. BYE.

Me: Alright, have a *customer hangs up* great day...

*customer calls back*

Them: THAT WORKED.

Me: Alright, I will update the trouble ticket, If you have any more issues please let me know.

Them: THANKS. *Customer hangs up*

Demosthenes · « **Reply #68 on:** October 27, 2011, 01:09:26 AM »

ivan · « **Reply #69 on:** October 27, 2011, 02:03:59 AM »

Jesus.

ivan · « **Reply #70 on:** October 27, 2011, 02:06:18 AM »

Quote from: TameableExpert on October 27, 2011, 12:42:48 AM

Me: Did you connect to the Internet?

Them: NO. DO YOU WANT ME TO TRY THAT?

I mean, Jesus.

TameableExpert · « **Reply #71 on:** October 27, 2011, 10:53:00 AM »

At that point I should have driven to their house... and confiscated their computer...
Them: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
Me: Making the world a safer place.

Demosthenes · « **Reply #72 on:** October 27, 2011, 11:45:52 AM »

Quote from: TameableExpert on October 27, 2011, 10:53:00 AM

At that point I should have driven to their house... and confiscated their computer...
Them: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
Me: Making the world a safer place.

This.

ivan · « **Reply #73 on:** October 27, 2011, 12:29:00 PM »

Quote from: Mr_Shifty on October 27, 2011, 11:45:52 AM

Quote from: TameableExpert on October 27, 2011, 10:53:00 AM
At that point I should have driven to their house... and confiscated their computer...
Them: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
Me: Making the world a safer place.
This.

A variation on "This tool will simplify your life".

Demosthenes · « **Reply #74 on:** October 27, 2011, 03:35:01 PM »

Indeed. I like this new person. He's our kind of scum.

Think we should invite him to the secret forums?

News:

Recent Forum Posts

Shout Box

Author Topic: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread (Read 29277 times)