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  • (January 12, 2023, 01:18:11 AM)

Author Topic: Groaners  (Read 1574 times)

xolik

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Groaners
« on: July 07, 2010, 12:04:07 AM »
You got'em so post'em!


There was this king in Africa and he lived in a grass hut. He had a fabulous golden throne from which he ruled. During the day he gave advice to his villagers in return for a small amount of gold that he added to his throne, but at night he stowed his throne in the ceiling above his bed to prevent theft. Eventually the throne became so heavy it fell from the ceiling killing the king... Moral is, people who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.
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ivan

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Re: Groaners
« Reply #1 on: July 07, 2010, 02:34:47 AM »
Yes, yes, I dabbled in the forbidden sciences. What can I say? A handful of test tubes, a rheostat or two, one of them Tesla sparkly thingies, and basta! I cloned myself. The fucker looked like me, talked like me, walked like me, and had my devastatingly winning personality... But somehow he inherited in full my prurient side, while evincing not an iota of my legendary self-restraint and social acclimation. In other words, the bastard was a complete perv. Oh, the embarrassment. How many times can one be summoned to court as guardian to a lewd, lascivious, genital-flashing, naughty-word-uttering, groin-rubbing groping little sleazebag before one arrives at the inevitable conclusion that this abominable wanker must go? A few times, at least! But I finally reached the limits of my endurance, and concocted a nefarious plan. I lured my genetic spawn to the top story of a very tall building, and shoved him over the edge to his timely death.

And I'll be damned if I didn't find myself in court once again, charged with making an obscene clone fall!

(Y'all saw that coming, right?)
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Joe Sixpack

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Re: Groaners
« Reply #2 on: July 07, 2010, 10:58:08 AM »
A slut, a transvestite, and a bad musician walk into a bar.
Bartender says, "what'll ya have?"
Lady Gaga says "I'll have a beer."
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"God places cherubim with a flaming sword east of Eden to guard the Tree of Life from the ambitions of man.

Cherubim is plural; Genesis 3:24 specifies one flaming sword. Presumably flaming swords were in short supply."

Joe Sixpack

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Re: Groaners
« Reply #3 on: July 07, 2010, 10:58:39 AM »
What's brown and rhymes with snoop?

Dr. Dre.
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"God places cherubim with a flaming sword east of Eden to guard the Tree of Life from the ambitions of man.

Cherubim is plural; Genesis 3:24 specifies one flaming sword. Presumably flaming swords were in short supply."

Joe Sixpack

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Re: Groaners
« Reply #4 on: July 07, 2010, 11:13:28 AM »
A guy walks into a bar, wearing nothing but saran wrap rolled around his whole body.
The bartender says, "I can clearly see yer nuts".
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"God places cherubim with a flaming sword east of Eden to guard the Tree of Life from the ambitions of man.

Cherubim is plural; Genesis 3:24 specifies one flaming sword. Presumably flaming swords were in short supply."

Joe Sixpack

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Re: Groaners
« Reply #5 on: July 07, 2010, 11:14:30 AM »
Guy walks into a bar with a steering wheel shoved down the front of his pants.
Bartender says, "Hey, buddy, what's with the steering wheel?"
Guy says, "It's drivin' me nuts!"
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"God places cherubim with a flaming sword east of Eden to guard the Tree of Life from the ambitions of man.

Cherubim is plural; Genesis 3:24 specifies one flaming sword. Presumably flaming swords were in short supply."

Joe Sixpack

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Re: Groaners
« Reply #6 on: July 07, 2010, 11:21:19 AM »
A rabbi visits a remote island, home to the primitive Trid tribe. He tries to integrate with their way of life in order to learn more of their culture. Days and weeks go by and he feels very accepted by them, save for one thing.
Every evening at sundown, the people line up across the island and bend over. The tribal chieftain walks down the line and, in turn, kicks every man, woman, and child in the butt. Each time the rabbi would join the line, but each time the chief would skip him. At first he thought it was due to his newness to the island, but as he became more accepted, he was still being skipped by the chief.
Puzzled, he decides to go to the chief and ask.
"Oh wise chief", he asks. I have been on your island for many weeks now. I have befriended your people. I have joined your rituals, helped you gather and prepare your meals. I feel as if I am almost one of you. Yet each time I bend over, you refuse to honor me by kicking me in the butt. What have I done to offend you?"
The chief smiles and explains in a kindly voice, "silly rabbi, kicks are for Trids!"
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"God places cherubim with a flaming sword east of Eden to guard the Tree of Life from the ambitions of man.

Cherubim is plural; Genesis 3:24 specifies one flaming sword. Presumably flaming swords were in short supply."

Pyrenus

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Re: Groaners
« Reply #7 on: July 07, 2010, 01:04:21 PM »
What do you do if you come across a pink elephant?

Wipe him off and say you're sorry.

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Demosthenes

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Re: Groaners
« Reply #8 on: July 07, 2010, 01:23:13 PM »
Q: How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two.  But how did they get in there?
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Joe Sixpack

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Re: Groaners
« Reply #9 on: July 07, 2010, 02:07:27 PM »
Allow me to demonstrate...
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"God places cherubim with a flaming sword east of Eden to guard the Tree of Life from the ambitions of man.

Cherubim is plural; Genesis 3:24 specifies one flaming sword. Presumably flaming swords were in short supply."