Christmas is one of my favorites holidays. There are a few reasons why I like Christmas. I like snow. I like the music. I like decorations, lights and shiny objects. But more importantly, I like to relax. Unfortunately, it’s becoming more and more difficult to relax around Christmas. Everything changes all of a sudden…
The malls stay opened longer. People buy ladders and put lights on their houses. Well some people do. There’s always the lazy guy in the neighborhood. You know who I’m talking about. The guy that just doesn’t bother with the lights anymore. In fact, he hasn’t taken them down in the last 5 years and he sure as hell won’t bother changing the broken bulbs! No Sir! That would be too much work. That would mean stopping the relaxing process. And I kinda admire that in a sense. This guy’s laziness prevents him to conform to the illusion of what Christmas is.
People stress out over Christmas it’s unbelievable! Not only that, but I think it is utterly insane. Like I said, everything changes around Christmas time so it’s to be expected. It’s unnecessary, yet predictable. Look at businesses for example. Chris gave a good example last week. Christmas equals merchandising. It’s all about making the most money possible in the shortest period possible. From November to mid January, these guys will bombard you with advertisement. They will bury you alive under a pile of ads. They would put adds on your toilet paper if they could because for them, Christmas is a golden opportunity to fest on the stupidity of the consumers. And let me tell you my friends that it is quite the feast!
When I stop and look at the whole Christmas advertising strategy I think “You know what? I think they have something good going here… Maybe I can use a similar strategy… Maybe I can apply the same marketing technique to benefit me!” So now, instead of working 35 years and retire, I’ve decided to start an early retirement pool for myself. I advertise this on the corporate toilet paper, from November to mid January. You can find my newsletter on square 14 this week! Maybe I should start signing “early retirement Carols”. Yeah! That would work. They would give money for my cause, or most likely, they’d pay me to shut up! OK, that's going to fail... But why do companies get away with it?
And what’s with the nutcracker? What does this guy, this wooden puppet have to do with anything? Thank you commercialization! Sure, it’s a great story and it carries a message. But why is the nutcracker on sale at Bombay for $200??? Wait... $199. Feh! I just want the story, not the figurine. I’m surprised they haven’t come out with Santa action figures yet! I mean, he’s the kingpin of Christmas! He’s the greatest creation of the commercial world. Where’s the Santa action figure with the reindeers, the sleight and all the accessories? (Batteries not included) Man… what a boring toy that would be. There’s no Santa nemesis. There’s no good versus evil. It makes no sense. Yet I bet you a million dollars, if I had it, that if a major toy company came out with a Santa action figure, people would go nuts and they would sell like cup cakes.
What else goes on during the Christmas season? Oh yeah! All of a sudden, people feel the need to be nice! People feel like they are connected to other people. Strange isn’t it? You wake up one morning and you think “Today, I’m going to spread the Christmas spirit around a little bit.” Today, I’m going to be nice! Take a deep breath and sing with me: It’s the season to be crazy la la la la la la la la la! It's true! You go to a public place and you notice that more people smile at you. Unless you happen to be at the mall during a huge Christmas sale and people are fighting over that last DVD player that’s 50% off. Then you can forget about the jingles because it's a jungle out there! Do you know what people are thinking just then, when they look at me with my DVD player in hands? They are thinking "The heck with sharing and giving, I’m taking that DVD player! I’m going to rip it out of your hands if I have to!"
The very next day you’re in a restaurant and you see that same person who assaulted you at the mall. She’s looking at you with a huge smile on her face. Then you wonder what goes on in her head. Is she thinking “HA! Sucker! Got your DVD player!” Does she even remember me? Or is she just trying to be nice today? I wonder what she drives… And more importantly, I wonder if that DVD player is still in her car…
So indeed the holidays make people behave differently. It’s supposed to. But not this way. That’s not what Christmas is about at all! People forgot what it means! People forgot the true values of Christmas. We all know what they are. Right? At least, we think we do. But we’ve been brainwashed by the corporate giants! They’ve transformed the basic message of Christmas by molding it into a cash-spitting machine and they made you believe that this is what Christmas is all about while they are laughing their arse off, running away with a santa bag full of your cash! They made the world go mental when the world should be relaxing and when everyone should be at peace! But there is one simple thing you can do to change things. You see, there's one critical variable that they know you have control over. In fact, all of their marketing efforts are aimed at making you ignore that variable. It's your wallet. Only you can decide to open it. Don't let them make that decision for you. Open it slowly, wiggle it under their nose so they can smell the money and then just as they go and reach for your dollars... Slam it in their faces and sing "Can't touch this". Maybe it won't change a darn thing, but at least it will be hilarious.
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