Topic: They Smell. Badly! (Read 9683 times)

Anonymous · « **on:** November 19, 2003, 09:24:10 PM »

http://www.hackernetwork.com/forum/avatar.php?userid=637&dateline=1043388351">
Lacerda, News Correspondent

What the crap is this? Wasn't the Geekery a comedy website? I don't update the main page for a couple of weeks (or months, or whatever...I've got a lot of drugs to go through.) and these two brainless poo-stabbers are rambling on about Holidays.

Neither of them can even write an article by themselves! They had to split the workload! You don't see me delegating any writing responsibility--I'm not like: "Hey pile of dirty socks, can you finish this paragraph for me? While he's working on that, old sandwich, could you spellcheck this please?" No, Lacerda knows how to write. He knows where to split his paragraphs, he knows how to punctuate properly, and most importantly, he KNOWS how to 'bring the funny'. (He also knows when to stop talking in third person. That time is now.)

You don't see me shitting on the screen with all this 'observational humor'. Ha ha, good one guys. The holidays are stressful. Ho ho, look how much advertisers want your money (mundus vult decipi decipiatur ergo). Duh-haw, Americans are fat.

YOU DON'T SAY! I HADN'T REALIZED I HAD BEEN IGNORING THE BLINDINGLY OBVIOUS FOR SO LONG. Hey, why don't you guys collaborate on another article about airports? Or maybe I'd like to read about the differences between men and women! Comics don't touch that! They'll never 'go there!'.

The only thing more pathetic than resorting to tired old tripe like this is what you call your 'specialty humor'. You know, like when a fat guy makes jokes about being fat or some black guy makes jokes about being fat. I guess I'm glad Chris hasn't been making transvestite jokes and TheJudge has left his all-too-familiar prison bitch yarns by the wayside. Let's all be thankful for small favors. You know, small like their penises.

http://www.eshelps.com/web/personal/lacerda/angelomaster500.jpg" alt="" border="0">

A recent photo of Chris and theJudge. See, because one is a midget and the other is retarded.

"Lacerda", you say, recoiling from the screen with horror, "why are you badmouthing your fellow moderators? I thought you liked them! And why aren't you afraid Chris will fire you? He owns the website!"

My answer to these questions: yes.

Where's all this sudden hostility coming from? I'll tell you! NOWHERE! It's absolutely senseless! In fact, I rather enjoyed their tag-team article...but that doesn't mean they're safe from unwarranted criticism. Yes, it could strike anywhere, anytime!

NICE PANTS ASSHOLE.

Anonymous · « **Reply #1 on:** November 20, 2003, 08:52:30 AM »

Do you want a piece of me? DO YOU?? PUNK!! It's a War now baby! It's sooooooo on! Alrighty, here's how it's going to go down: Folks, I've had the pleasure of meeting Lacerda. I kept the silence long enough. I have been protecting his reputation because... well... I'm what some people would reffer to as a pimp. I prefer the reffer to myself as a "street career coordinator" and that's mostly because it covers all the activities that Lacerda ia involved in. (drugs, prostitution, sweatshops, money laundry, kidnapping, blackmail, barnyard animal pr0n, etc.)

But the reason why I'm going to stop protecting him at this point is not because he drew the line by turning against his best friend and career coordinator. It's because Lacerda is no longer motivated and challenged by his work. His productivity has gone down soooo much and that means less money in my pocket in the end. I mean, look at the guy... He took a fucking job at Ikea! What are you trying to do man?? You want to go from a "whore" to being a "corporate whore"?? You think that's getting a two word position title is to make you happy?? And why the hell am I always using two question marks all of a sudden??

Alright, so back to the meeting. It took place a while back. Perhaps 6 months ago. I'm not even sure. So I have to go to Ottawa for work. Lacerda live there so I PM him and say "Dude, this is the opportunity to discuss your career objectives and your learning plan for the year. Let's met and discuss." So Lacerda brings me into to sleazy bar that he always hangs around on Tuesday's because it's gay night. This is taking place a Wednesday thankfully.

Anyway, he doesn't get there on time. I have to wait a good 20 minutes for the boy to show up. And you would think this guy has class right? You think he can make a grand entrance right? After all, he is the famous Lacera of the geekery! But no... To my disappointment, I see a scruffy looking d00d getting off the city bus. Imediatly I'm thinking "OK this boy needs to be managed. He's full of potential but his carer is going down the drain. He can't even afford a car". Then, in the mist of my mental dialgue with myself, I come to a realisation and a question pop's up in my head:
Lacerda's a dude???

OK that didn't really happen but I just had to put it in. Now I have to go and sneak back into my meetings with the united whore council. I'm going to let the boy think about the consequences of his bad decisions before I continue. I will finish this story tomorow.

But you do have a point very valid Lacera. Writing about you Christmas bullshit certainly doesn't come close to the excitment of writing about real life events of the dude know only to most as Lacerda.

Oh...FYI, this is sooooo going on the Front page when I'm done. Chris, spell check please? OMFGLOL!!!11

pseudonymph · « **Reply #2 on:** November 20, 2003, 08:52:56 AM »

Quote from: Werid Canadian Guy

NICE PANTS ASSHOLE.

If I had a dollar for eva time I heard that one...

Quote from: That Judge Dude

He took a fucking job at Ikea! What are you trying to do man?? You want to go from a "whore" to being a "corporate whore"?? You think that's getting a two word position title is to make you happy?? And why the hell am I always using two question marks all of a sudden??

File photo's!!!

Demosthenes · « **Reply #3 on:** November 20, 2003, 10:39:32 AM »

I love how Lacerda just looks utterly dumbfounded in both of those pictures...

Anonymous · « **Reply #4 on:** November 20, 2003, 11:46:18 AM »

Hahahahaha! That's hilarious! I'm on such a high right now. I've been in conferences for 3 days and I'm fucking inspired beyond beleif. And I just want to say that I appreciate being associated with you fine crazzy fuckers. You certainly all add spice to my life in a way or another.

I may get up tomorow and think "What the fuck?" and delete this post tho.

pseudonymph · « **Reply #5 on:** November 20, 2003, 03:28:03 PM »

Quote from: TheJudge

Hahahahaha! That's hilarious! I'm on such a high right now. I've been in conferences for 3 days and I'm fucking inspired beyond beleif. And I just want to say that I appreciate being associated with you fine crazzy fuckers. You certainly all add spice to my life in a way or another.

I may get up tomorow and think "What the fuck?" and delete this post tho.

you can't delete your post! what will happen then?

MISTER MASSACRE · « **Reply #6 on:** November 20, 2003, 07:43:11 PM »

I always look confused.

On the productivity note (the real one), I have three articles waiting for post-ination on my upstairs computer.

You will be pwned.

Anonymous · « **Reply #7 on:** November 21, 2003, 11:20:14 AM »

I just read th efront page again and I was in tears. Lacerda, I'm never going to get over your genious. It amazes me. What the hell are you doing at Ikea???

We talked about where you want to be. Remember? Man... If I had the power to make it hapen... I would hire you without hesitation.

MISTER MASSACRE · « **Reply #8 on:** November 22, 2003, 02:32:54 AM »

Thanks man, I appreciate that. On a completely related sidenote, I am now possessing two jobs, which will soon be narrowed down to one, if all goes well.

As of Monday, I will be working for this company http://www.ams-imaging.com.

pseudonymph · « **Reply #9 on:** November 23, 2003, 12:24:29 AM »

what will you be doing there?

Anonymous · « **Reply #10 on:** November 23, 2003, 09:39:54 AM »

Probably document imaging.

MISTER MASSACRE · « **Reply #11 on:** November 26, 2003, 04:04:33 PM »

I'm posting this from work. It's nice here; really nice. So far I've done some indexing, some scanning and some doc prep.

The only downside is that I'm still working at Ikea (I'm fairly sure I'm going to give my 2 weeks notice soon) so my work week is something like 46 hours or so. Which wouldn't be that bad, except because it takes me an hour and a half to get to Ikea (and the same amount of time back, strangely), you can tack another 12 hours on to that 46. Bleh.

TerrorDronze · « **Reply #12 on:** November 27, 2003, 01:37:14 AM »

so with that 58 hours of the week plotted out, that leaves you with 110 hours to do whatever else you like with yourself, god forbid i ever find out what that is and am forced to yank my eyes out of their sockets to keep from reading about it. think about it, if you just drink a lot of espresso to supplement for sleep, you could do absolutly anything, including picking up a job as a he-bitch man-ho on the side.

MISTER MASSACRE · « **Reply #13 on:** November 27, 2003, 04:42:43 PM »

Quote from: TerrorDronze

so with that 58 hours of the week plotted out, that leaves you with 110 hours to do whatever else you like with yourself, god forbid i ever find out what that is and am forced to yank my eyes out of their sockets to keep from reading about it. think about it, if you just drink a lot of espresso to supplement for sleep, you could do absolutly anything, including picking up a job as a he-bitch man-ho on the side.

I plan to spend at least 50 of those hours sleeping...which leaves me with about 60 hours. These hours I will devote to yanking your eyes out of your sockets and pouring coffee in them.

Eyes grow back, right?

Frozen Shade · « **Reply #14 on:** November 28, 2003, 06:55:30 PM »

Quote from: Lacerda

Eyes grow back, right?

Of course they do! I lost an eye once, grew back within 2 days.

SatannicA · « **Reply #15 on:** December 14, 2003, 02:43:41 AM »

Quote from: pseudonymph

File photo's!!!

Why is Lacerda giving that Asian lady that look? Does he have something against her? It's the colour of her skin isn't it? Is the great and glorious Lacerda a racist?!?

MISTER MASSACRE · « **Reply #16 on:** December 14, 2003, 10:56:22 AM »

Anh yeu, em.

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