![]("<a) http://www.gotthegeek.com/images/random_head.jpg" alt="" border="0"> |
| This is a picture of a man from the Mid East. I had to alter his picture a little so no one could tell that it was him. |
It's become more than apparent to me that after the events of September 11th, 2002, the mainstream media pretty much forgot about any domestic problem, and instead decided to base themselves around events not even related to the United States directly, making believe that they never really did replay the towers falling 2,786 times during the period of 18 hours. It's not going to work. You bastards already drilled that piece of footage into our heads like there was no tomorrow. They like to refer to this problem as "The Mid East", and like to talk about it whenever and where ever they can. It's almost like a boyfriend to the media, the only problem is that the Mid East doesn't really have one sex, but instead will be more than happy to go to war by throwing rocks at each other to determine the sex of the region.
This brings me to my next point: What the hell are people like
me, who are "parasites" according to some,
supposed to do? Am I supposed to keep on writing silly articles about the Mid East? There's nothing silly about it. In fact, it scares me to no end thinking that two men are leading that train wreck. No, instead I'm left on my own to actually use my mind to write something. OH NO WHAT DO I DO?! My first reaction to that question was to grab my camera and take pictures of everything I could find and become a world renowned photographer, but then I realized that my digital camera sucks too much. Then I thought I would compose some cool music, then I realized that every imaginable tune or beat has already been used, and if used again you will have the shit beat out of you and letters crammed down your throat that state "YOU HAVE BROKEN TO FOLLOWING RULES. YOU ARE A VERY VERY NAUGHTY MAN."
Hey, that's good, I came up with all of that on my own. It goes to show you that I'm actually still alive. Those aren't the only things that I was able to think about in a five minute period, I've actually thought of many other things prior to this. The only problem is that they all suck, and would never actually be good enough for main page material. Then I got to thinking that it would be cool to put them all on the main page together in an article about shitty writing ideas. What a novel idea! I bet someone somewhere has already done this, and I may be breaking a few laws in doing so. Sorry.
Your Rights Online
| http://www.gotthegeek.com/images/agent.jpg" alt="" border="0"> |
| I had to get rid of his face as well. Just try to think of him as an Agent from a movie that is related to something in math. |
In this article I was planning on going through all the things that you could do online that would result in you getting sued. This long list pretty much included everything, and anything that you could do online. You want to send email? Too bad, someone before you has already done that. Looks like you'll just have to think of a more original way to send your message from point A to point B. You want to turn your computer on? Looks like you'll have to use something else besides energy to power it! Someone had to invent that, and they still hold the patent for it. Wait another 50 years before the paten expires. Sorry. What's that? You want to talk to your friends using AIM while using the English language? Someone had to come up with all those words, and they sure as hell didn't approve of you using them for your own enjoyment. Make up your own language, then make your own instant messaging program, make your own form of energy, then you might be able to talk to your friends the legal way.
Basically, the reason why this article wasn't used is because the list never stops. I would have to stay up all night and all day to list all of the examples, and then I would have a flood of emails from major figure heads explaining to me how many internet etiquette laws I had just broken, and that if the content was not removed within 20 seconds, I would be in trouble. (IE: No dessert tonight after dinner.)
Solve The Mid East's Problems
| http://www.gotthegeek.com/images/trebuchet.jpg" alt="" border="0"> |
| You can throw really large rocks with one of these. Boulders, even! |
This is quite a simple article. Simply come up with a logical way to solve the problems that plague the Mid East daily. The answer to this question is quite simple: YOU DON'T!.
The reason why this was not used as main page content was that it was too short, might offend some people, and would obviously break about 10 internet etiquette laws because I used the English language. We could have put a lot more effort into thinking of another way to save the people from themselves in that region, but we soon realized that everything has already done, except for handing out helmets that have holders for beer cans and straws leading to the mouth. Sorry.
How To Offend People
Basically, this piece of content would just simply try to offend people. We would just name every religion possible, and then say that they all sucked, and that God is never coming back, and you're wasting your time. If you didn't have a religion, we would call you a non-conforming weenie, and tell you to go listen to Britney Spears and wear Fubu clothing.
We decided that it would be best if we didn't write an article about this to avoid serious problems from internet-based gangs further down the road. Plus, we used the English language, so that was a crime within itself. And I also told the rest of the guys at The Geekery that they have laws about making people feel bad about themselves, and telling them that there was no God might make them feel depressed and unloved. Good thing I caught that! We could be sitting waste deep in IOUs right now!
Give Us Money
Lacerda came running up to me one day and told me, "Chris, it would be cool if we could somehow con people into giving us all their money!". I went along with this idea, got everything written up, had all the details worked up, and then thank God TheJudge informed us that they have laws about conning people. It's illegal! I didn't know that. Thanks to TheJudge, Lacerda and I are free men, and are still poor because of it.
We obviously didn't use that idea because it was illegal. The scary part is, people will actually listen to you when you tell them, "Put your wallet or purse in a box, and address it to address removed and we will send you new money which is worth 15 times more!"
To be honest with you, I thought they all had great potential if they weren't all so damn illegal! Well, I guess it's better for us to play it safe than to play it sorry! You never know when someone might say "TAG YOU'RE IT" and make you play the guessing game with offensive content.
http://www.gotthegeek.com/square.jpg" hspace="2" alt="start" border="0">
Geek Of The Month 'Drawing'http://www.gotthegeek.com/line.jpg" width="95%" height="1" hspace="1" vspace="1" alt="line.jpg" border="0">
http://www.gotthegeek.com/newspro/static/view.php?file=gotm.txt">http://www.gotthegeek.com/gotm.jpg" alt="" border="0">Real funny, assholes. We're not really going to draw a geek of the month. A while back I came up with the idea to have a contest held on the
http://www.geekforum.org">forums that would basically result in the winner winning free web space for life, or until they do something wrong with the web space. More details about it can be found
http://www.gotthegeek.com/newspro/static/view.php?file=gotm.txt">here if you are interested. One month has pasted, and it is time to elect out first true "Geek Of The Month" and get him or her rolling with some free web space. I invite all of you with forum accounts to start looking around for potential candidates for the awards, and I invite all of you non-forum members to
http://www.geekforum.org/profile.php?mode=register">register and start reading, or try to become the next Geek Of The Month.
http://www.geekforum.org/viewtopic.php?p=12575#12575">Get your voting game on here.
Edit [Wednesday, June 4, 2003]: I'm surprised that I haven't been swarmed with emails stating that I have the dates in regards to the terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center wrong towards the top of this article. The date
should read "September 11th, 2001" and not "September 11th, 2002".
Total Members: 4951