Topic: Getcher RED HOT Brand New Chick Tracts here! (Read 9207 times)

Agent_Tachyon · « **on:** May 10, 2007, 11:21:32 PM »

I've been a huge fan of Chick tracts for years now, and I just checked back and found that my old buddy Jack has churned out a couple of new ones!

http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1033/1033_01.asp

First up is the heartwarming story of why Jesus is different than Santa or the Easter Bunny (answer: the Bible says so). Highlights include 'Nobody fucks wit da Jesus' and what appears to be a paleontologist who is very displeased with his drumstick.

http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1107/1107_01.asp

This one is pretty abstract and weird (well, more so than usual). It involves various people being led around on a leash, and a pretty cool looking Baphomet stand in. Highlights are the near incomprehensible and hilarious drawings. I'd recommend something herbal to go with this one, personally.

RelandR · « **Reply #1 on:** May 11, 2007, 02:35:20 AM »

Quote from: Agent_Tachyon on May 10, 2007, 11:21:32 PM

... First up is the heartwarming story of why Jesus is different than Santa or the Easter Bunny (answer: the Bible says so). Highlights include 'Nobody fucks wit da Jesus' and what appears to be a paleontologist who is very displeased with his drumstick....

...Man You must be high, (not that there's anything wrong with that)... do you actually read them or just look at the funnay pictures ?

If you haven't allready found any alt_Chick type sites, you might enjoy this:

http://www.weirdcrap.com/chick/index.html

milifist · « **Reply #2 on:** May 11, 2007, 06:43:41 AM »

I loathe Chick Publications. However, that first tract does bring up an interesting question: why do so many parents lie to their children about Santa Claus, et. al. ?

I just don't understand the logic of it.

Kid: Mommy, why does Santa give me Christmas presents?
Mommy: Well obviously because that total stranger loves you more than I do.

My parents never lied about Santa or the Easter bunny (for pretty much the same point made in the tract: how could the expect me to believe what they say about God if they lie about Santa), so maybe the lies add some magic and mystery to the season the I missed out on.

ivan · « **Reply #3 on:** May 11, 2007, 11:29:43 AM »

To my mind, one story is as believable as the other -- at least the metaphysical aspects. Living in an invisible town at the North Pole, knowing the moral rectitude of every human child, and having the ability to deliver billions of presents everywhere around the world in one night is no more fantastic than being the creator of the universe and everything in it, including humans, who angered you because they allowed a former cohort to seduce them into learning shame, which compelled you to exact the first of a series of brutal punishments, after which, apparently relenting such harsh treatment, you offer them a chance to kill you in effigy as a means of absolving those who believe it was you who was killed rather than someone merely claiming to be you, who by the way could do things like revive dead people and cure leprosy before he was killed. The Santa story makes a lot more sense, at least to a child.

I mean no disrespect to Christians or followers of any faith. The Christian faith is highly developed and complex, and worthy of study and understanding. I'm intrigued by its many subtleties, like the five points of Calvinism or the doctrine of predestination. If I ever get a chance to go back and get a degree, I may choose theology. Now, that would be weird.

xolik · « **Reply #4 on:** May 11, 2007, 01:19:30 PM »

One of the main problems I have with Christianity is that it has spintered down into so many offshoots it's hard to keep track of what's what. Sometimes, I really wish Jesus would just make a brief pit stop down here one more time just to clear thing up before he takes off again.

ivan · « **Reply #5 on:** May 11, 2007, 01:20:02 PM »

Actually, that's pretty much the plan.

RelandR · « **Reply #6 on:** May 11, 2007, 04:05:23 PM »

Ambiguity breeds dissension, thereby dilluting the likelihood of a "master plan" in my view. Too many damn loopholes, inconsistancies, flat-out-missing stuff, blah, blah, etc.

Speeeaking of ambiguity ...
My folks held a politically/socially correct stance with their nods and winks to the whole *god* concept but practiced no form of religion whatsoever. All around me in the outside world however there were untold numbers of groups of peoples all insisting *he* was up there somewhere, each with their own flavor of KewelAide ... and one of them, I ass'me'd , had to be the best.

Search and search I did trying one flavor after another, most often getting quite a good buzz ... but after reading the inGreedience... the come-down was allways a bitch !

I wasted too much of my life chasing after that PrimoCherryDelight™ only to eventually discover that KewelAide causes brain damage and/or death in some cases.

...No thanks, I brought/will bring my own canteen.

Agent_Tachyon · « **Reply #7 on:** May 11, 2007, 04:18:14 PM »

I believed in Santa for a lot longer than I believed in the Judeo-Christian God, he always seemed a hell of a lot nicer. Worst case scenario, he's pissed at you and you get some coal (which, if you think about it, would probably be a lot more useful back when that legend was born than a toy). Worst case scenario with that other dude, and you're burning forever.

I'm going to go listen to 'Burning for you' now.

RelandR · « **Reply #8 on:** May 11, 2007, 05:54:26 PM »

In hindsight, what great parody material exists in that first story on the e-viles of telling fairy tales to innocent chillin's ...

12AX7 · « **Reply #9 on:** May 12, 2007, 07:59:01 AM »

What need exactly would minions of an all-powerful God have of armor?

Nosferatu · « **Reply #10 on:** May 12, 2007, 11:14:36 AM »

*Speechless*

RelandR · « **Reply #11 on:** May 12, 2007, 02:58:36 PM »

Quote from: Nosferatu on May 12, 2007, 11:14:36 AM

*Speechless*

That's easy for you to say

RelandR · « **Reply #12 on:** May 12, 2007, 03:18:41 PM »

Quote from: 12AX7 on May 12, 2007, 07:59:01 AM

What need exactly would minions of an all-powerful God have of armor?

Why, to repel the firey darts of

Satan

of course.

...

I had friends that were so "Spirit filled" that they spoke in tongues and rolled on the floor in spastic fits whenever they prayed tell me of how Satan would torment their household regularily. They claimed physical abuse on the order of "the Exorcist" took place.

Their explanation was that Satan tormented those that god loved the most because he's running out of time and needs to turn a few more souls or at least run interference against "the work" they do.

12AX7 · « **Reply #13 on:** May 12, 2007, 04:44:18 PM »

If I were all powerful and had minions working for me, I'd just nod and make them invincible.

RelandR · « **Reply #14 on:** May 12, 2007, 05:12:13 PM »

YepYepYep, sounds good to me.

I do believe however, that from their perspective that would be too easy. There is that thing about "Free Will" and the character building benefits of "the struggle" etcetera, etcetera.

Agent_Tachyon · « **Reply #15 on:** May 13, 2007, 07:31:55 PM »

I saw those jammies on the ALOD a while back and only the yoda backback comes close to them in terms of things parents would give their children if they intended for them to hate them in the years to come.

BizB · « **Reply #16 on:** May 13, 2007, 07:38:24 PM »

Could an all powerful God create a nemesis that he couldn't defeat?

12AX7 · « **Reply #17 on:** May 13, 2007, 09:17:21 PM »

Quote from: BizB on May 13, 2007, 07:38:24 PM

Could an all powerful God create a nemesis that he couldn't defeat?

My guess is that would be stupid; which is inherently < "all-powerful"

Agent_Tachyon · « **Reply #18 on:** May 13, 2007, 09:35:57 PM »

Sure he could, but he'd have to replace logic first.

xolik · « **Reply #19 on:** May 14, 2007, 12:20:29 PM »

Quote from: 12AX7 on May 12, 2007, 07:59:01 AM

What need exactly would minions of an all-powerful God have of armor?

Looks. Hey, if you're gonna Smite Evil, might as well do it in style.

12AX7 · « **Reply #20 on:** May 14, 2007, 04:33:52 PM »

Best

answer

evar!

Vespertine · « **Reply #21 on:** May 17, 2007, 06:51:07 PM »

Quote from: BizB on May 13, 2007, 07:38:24 PM

Could an all powerful God create a nemesis that he couldn't defeat?

That's a good question. Here's the question I always ask...why would an all-knowing God bother with any of it? I mean, if its really omniscient, than it already knows how everything will end...so what's the point?

ivan · « **Reply #22 on:** May 17, 2007, 07:12:07 PM »

You know, I never thought of that. This explains everything! God is bored out of His skull!!!!

xolik · « **Reply #23 on:** May 17, 2007, 07:40:46 PM »

Quote from: ivan on May 17, 2007, 07:12:07 PM

You know, I never thought of that. This explains everything! God is bored out of His skull!!!!

YES! If I knew everything, I'd probably go insane. Of course, I would have seen it coming too.

Agent_Tachyon · « **Reply #24 on:** May 17, 2007, 09:28:59 PM »

Quote from: xolik on May 17, 2007, 07:40:46 PM

YES! If I knew everything, I'd probably go insane. Of course, I would have seen it coming too.

That would explain so much.

News:

Recent Forum Posts

Shout Box

Author Topic: Getcher RED HOT Brand New Chick Tracts here! (Read 9207 times)

12AX7

12AX7

12AX7

12AX7