So the other day, there was some shouting going on in the shoutbox, and a certain member who shall remain nameless unless they choose to reveal themselves mentioned that he is 19, male, in college... and playing pokemon. Regularly. And not only that, but even more pathetically, he excused this by saying that Pokemon is some sort of erstwhile Linus's security blanket, reminding him of all that was good and pure before the real world left a massive swirly on his chest. Anyhoo, this led me to publish a theory that I have regarding the perceived low sex drive of the average adult female in our society, which basically boils down to this:

How is a lady supposed to get her pilot lit when her available partners never learned how to be adults?

A couple of "right ons" from the ladies who happened to be present suggests there is some truth to this, at least in general.
So let's rap, brothers, and allow me to cast a few other pearls on this subject.

#1 - Ladies want security
I am talking about general security here, not just financial. Yes, you need to be able to make money to support your family. That is part of your responsibility as a man. You don't have a family yet? Doesn't matter. Ladies want to be able to have faith that if they cast their lot with you, there will one day be a family and that you will be able to support it. More importantly, they want to  have faith that if they cast their lot with you, you are returning, or at least capable of returning, the favour. Believe it or not, the average lady doesn't care if you check out other ladies... if they are secure enough in their relationship that they have no worries about you running of with one of them. When they're not, that's when they have a problem.

#2 - Ladies want their man to look like a man!
I am not talking about chest hair or haircuts, or even how old or young you look, necessarily. I'm not the most ruggedly handsome of dudes. No, no, ladies, argue all you want, I appreciate it. But I have good hygiene and I clean up OK, and that goes a long way with your average lady. Guess what else? I have some shirts, and some of them have more than 3 buttons on them. Sometimes I wear them when it's not a wedding or a funeral. Tucked in! Your cargo shorts and flip flops are well and good. From time to time, depending on the circumstance, great. But if you want a lady to ever believe that you are capable of #1, looking the part goes a long way. Shallow, you say? Maybe. Maybe. But you are a dude, and you have no grounds on which to criticize any other human being about their shallowness.

#3 - Don't be such a selfish fucking dick!
When I laid my theory out in the shoutbox, Pokemon boy retorted with "there's nothing wrong with my sex drive". Guess what, dillweed? No one is talking about *your* sex drive! It's not all about you! Think about someone else once in a while! If you can't do it in a discussion, what's it going to be like during the act? Ladies relate lots of seemingly unrelated things to how you will treat them in your relationship. How do you treat animals and children, and other things weaker than you? It's a fact of life that most women are going to be weaker than most men. I know, I know, present company excepted, of course. So when you're mean to the dog, or your snot-nosed, bratty little nephew, what conclusion should a lady draw about your character, and how you will treat her when she is vulnerable (physically, emotionally, or in any other way)? Part of being a grown up is realizing that your actions affect other people, not just yourself. Ladies know this.

To conclude, it should come as no surprise that a legal adult playing Pokemon on his DS does nothing toward any of these objectives. Lest it seem I am disproportionally picking on dudes here, it is partly the fault of the ladies. For one, you get knocked up by dudes that are not around to raise your sons. How are they supposed to learn how to be a grown men when there are none around? In addition, you still put out for these losers, only encouraging their subpar behavior. So you are not without blame yourselves. But guess what, dudes? Lack of a good example can't be an excuse forever. Part of being a man is taking responsibility for your own situation, and you blaming anyone but yourself for your lot in life just becomes more babyish whining at some point.

¡Arriba!

I would translate it as something like "God is, therefore we are."

Allow me to demonstrate...

A rabbi visits a remote island, home to the primitive Trid tribe. He tries to integrate with their way of life in order to learn more of their culture. Days and weeks go by and he feels very accepted by them, save for one thing.
Every evening at sundown, the people line up across the island and bend over. The tribal chieftain walks down the line and, in turn, kicks every man, woman, and child in the butt. Each time the rabbi would join the line, but each time the chief would skip him. At first he thought it was due to his newness to the island, but as he became more accepted, he was still being skipped by the chief.
Puzzled, he decides to go to the chief and ask.
"Oh wise chief", he asks. I have been on your island for many weeks now. I have befriended your people. I have joined your rituals, helped you gather and prepare your meals. I feel as if I am almost one of you. Yet each time I bend over, you refuse to honor me by kicking me in the butt. What have I done to offend you?"
The chief smiles and explains in a kindly voice, "silly rabbi, kicks are for Trids!"

A guy walks into a bar, wearing nothing but saran wrap rolled around his whole body.
The bartender says, "I can clearly see yer nuts".

A slut, a transvestite, and a bad musician walk into a bar.
Bartender says, "what'll ya have?"
Lady Gaga says "I'll have a beer."

Bunch of ice-crapping snow honkeys.

Cuz we like hearing what we want to hear and nothing else.

12, your HEAP gun looks way too high tech.

Recognition of marriage shouldn't be a funciton of the government anyway!

I was already embarrassed when we put the gay marriage ban in the constitution so you'll get no arguments from me.
I think I have stated before that I would be all for secession, except for the reality that cranks like this would then have actual power.

Jesus, people. The missile defense shield is like paper money. It doesn't have to be worth anything. ICBM-possessing nations just have to *believe* it's worth something.