If you're a 55-year-old brick layer who is just now realizing that you probably should have paid attention in high school rather than checking out the girl (or guy if you're a gay 55-year-old brick layer) in front of you, this article is for you (Even more so if you're a gay brick layer). If you also happen to be at the high school level and can read this, this article is also for you. If you're in college right now (and are reading this from the confines of your dorm) it might be too late for you. I'm sorry.
For most of us who tried to get something out of high school in our earlier years, we soon realized that there was almost a tangible heart beat that we had to learn to follow in order to be a successful student. Others realized that there are drugs to use and an opposite sex to keep the occupied. Those of you who are currently following that heart beat will want to listen to what I have to write, and those of you who are discovering the life of sex and drugs, you may want to kill yourself now while you're ahead of the game. Also, if you get turned down from the world's largest employer (Wal-Mart) you may also want to follow suit. There's no hope for you.
There are certain pitfalls that you must avoid when venturing off into the college world. From the obvious (And maybe sometimes not-so-obvious) rule against plagiarism and attending class regularly to the misunderstood "5 Minute Rule" when a professor is running late. I'm going to potentially save you hundreds or perhaps thousands of dollars by outlining these pitfalls free of charge for you to soak up and enjoy and share with your friends. That's hundreds or potentially thousands of dollars you could use towards the purchase of coke! Wow! That's a lot of coke! You'll be awake for weeks to come!
Passing off other's work as your own:
Plagiarism - The act (Or art depending on how good you are) of passing on someone else's work off as your own and attempting to take credit for it. This practice is common in many high schools across the United States, and has only gotten worse over the last decade due to the rise in popularity of the internet and Microsoft Word.Like many things in life, plagiarism is only illegal if you get caught doing it. So in order to not get caught you have to know how to beat the system. Here are some pointers to ensure that you will not get caught when passing other's work off as your own:
1. Delete hyperlinks:
Important note! If you're going to plagiarize and don't delete active hyperlinks in the work that you copy and paste, then you're an idiot and deserve what's coming to you.
Remember to delete any and all hyperlinks that may have been present in the content you just stole. Nothing screams "THIS IS NOT MY WORK! EXPEL ME!" more than reading "click here for more information" in the middle of your term paper. If you wish to fool the instructor for at least a second, the practice of removing all hyperlinks from your paper is a must. Click here for more information.
Not doing so makes for some good laughs when the instructor decides to announce to the rest of the class how much of a lazy asshole you are that you couldn't even delete hyperlinks to make it look as though you wrote it and not someone else. At which point you will probably deny it at first, and then soon realize that you are caught, and walk out of the classroom while screaming curse words why the professor is a moron and who is he to say what is and is not socially acceptable.
2. Keep the same size, color and style font though out the paper:
This is another obvious thing to avoid - having text of several different sizes, font styles and colors within one paragraph of page gives away the fact that you copied and pasted items into your paper. This can easily be avoided by selecting all of the text at once and formatting it all at the same time to ensure that the font is the same size, color, and style through out the entire document.
3. "Dumb Down" words that are beyond the scope of your vocabulary:
If you're known to make many grammatical mistakes in your writing and don't have a clear train of thought most of the time, then plagiarizing may not be for you. It's easy to pick up when someone is using another's work once the reader has gotten a feel for the writer's writing. In order to avoid this problem, throw a few misspellings in the content along with the deletion of several key words words so certain thoughts no longer flow smoothly and you should be ready to pass off that work as your own.
4. Be careful when documenting your sources:
This is an important step that you shouldn't over look, though many do. Don't document sources that you directly copied content from. Doing so can lead your instructor directly to the source of where you got your work from. When citing sources, put sources that are very similar to the topic at hand to throw them off, but not the exact sources that you copied from.If you follow those simple 4 steps above, then you have a fighting chance of passing other's work off as your own at the college level. Actually, to be honest, you will still most likely get caught. I have never passed off other's work as my own, so I don't know why you would want to take advice from me on such a subject matter.
Classroom Attendance:
The next pitfall that many freshmen in college fall into is the fact that if a professor does not show up within the first 5 minutes of class, they can leave and still get credit for showing up to that class. If you're under the impression that 5 minutes is a long time: you're retarded. Most colleges have no "official" guideline as to how long you should wait for your professor before leaving. They encourage the use of the down time towards your studies or something else useful that pertains to getting a better education.
Linked to this is the topic of attending class regularly. Traditionally, colleges did not take attendance, and did not care as to whether or not you did or did not attend class. They had their money, and that's all that mattered to them. In today’s day and age, with more and more young adults walking around not knowing how to spell even the most basic of words, colleges are putting forth rules outlining their attendance policy. Most colleges will automatically fail you from any class in which you missed more than 20 per cent of the meetings. This may be a good thing because as much of a scary thought as it is, some of these kids will be running the country in about 15 year's time.
College Books:
If you're already enrolled in college, or know someone who is in college right now, you already know what I'm talking about. Text book publishing companies have a knack for charging college books stores and arm and a leg for purchasing books from them, which in turn is passed onto the students who are already paying an arm and a leg for tuition. Even worse is the fact that when you sell a book back to the college book store on your campus, they most likely give you 25 dollars worth of credit, then turn around and sell the book for 80 dollars and make a huge profit off of it. I have a hunch that all employees at college book stores are addicted to some form of "super drug" that costs as much as a Mercedes Benz per ounce.
In order to save yourself the hassle of waiting in long lines and getting ripped off for a book that you will only use once or twice in a semester, do yourself a favour: Go down to the college bookstore with your schedule before classes start and see what books you need. Don't actually buy the books from them, but instead write down the title, edition, author, as well as the ISBN number. This information will save you hundreds per semester and help you locate your book online a lot quicker. Try half.com when searching for used college text books.
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