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Author Topic: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread  (Read 29200 times)

ivan

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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #75 on: October 27, 2011, 04:57:30 PM »

Well, let's delete all the crap we said about him first.
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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #76 on: October 28, 2011, 12:07:01 AM »

Well, let's delete all the crap we said about him first.

*Cough* I forgot what we said, could you remind me?
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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #77 on: October 28, 2011, 12:28:52 AM »

Ok... Here's an old one...

Me: Hello, *Blah Blah Blah* How may I help you?

Them: Is there something wrong?

Me: Not that I am aware of, what seems to be the issue?

Them: I cannot connect.

Me: Ok, let me take a look. What is the last name on the account?

Them: Well it's _______.

Me: *looks up name*

Them: But it's probably under __________.

Me: *FACEPALM* *Pulls up other last name* Ok, and what are you using for a username and password?

Them: How should I know? You set it up. (Customers choose their username and password and the account is 10 years old,  I technically would have been 9 at that time, how exactly did I choose the username?)

Me: Ok, it should be _________ and ________. What Type of computer do you have Windows or Mac?

Them: I don't know, how would I tell?

Me: What does the desktop look like?

Them: Whats the desktop?

*Restrains self*

Me: It's where all the Icons are...

Them: ...

Me: There should be some small pictures with text under them.

Them: Oh. Ok... There's a picture there.

Me: Ok. Do you have a bar at the bottom?

Them: Yes.

Me: does it have a Start button or a circle with a flag on it on the very left?

Them: No.

Me: Ok, so it's a Mac.

*Goes through dial-up settings*

Me: Ok, that is all correct. Let me see what the modem logs say.

*looks up logs which are FILLED with modem errors*

Me: It looks like the modem is going out.

Them: That's Impossible.

Me: Ok...

Them: This computer cost $2500. Your logs are wrong. The modem isn't going out.

*I get a 'Mac is superior cuz i paid more' lecture*

Me: Alright. Based on the information provided, and the troubleshooting we did, There are two possibilities. One is that the modem is bad, the other option is that there is something wrong between your phone lines and your computer. Unfortunately, we don't do computer repair, but I know a local shop who offers free diagnostics, and *Customer hangs up*
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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #78 on: October 28, 2011, 12:31:49 AM »

We have a customer who frequently comes into the office and requests that we launch a hot air balloon with a 2.4Ghz radio to broadcast wireless internet to him. He has gone as far as drawing up 'schematics'.
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ivan

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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #79 on: October 28, 2011, 02:52:06 AM »

We have a customer who frequently comes into the office and requests that we launch a hot air balloon with a 2.4Ghz radio to broadcast wireless internet to him. He has gone as far as drawing up 'schematics'.

Actually...
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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #80 on: October 28, 2011, 04:37:46 AM »

Hey TE, when you get to the secret forums, can you try to convince then to let me in?
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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #81 on: October 28, 2011, 10:24:48 AM »

Hey TE, when you get to the secret forums, can you try to convince then to let me in?

Sure. But I will need a few things first. I need a waffle Iron, a turkey baster and and onion. Without these I may not succeed.
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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #82 on: October 28, 2011, 11:31:47 AM »

You can also use an electric griddle instead of the waffle iron if you have to and shallots work too, in a pinch.
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ivan

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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #83 on: October 28, 2011, 11:38:28 AM »

In fact, in some cases, shallots are preferred.
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"I TYPE 120 WORDS PER MINUTE, BUT IT'S IN MY OWN LANGUAGE!"  -Detta

xolik: WHERE IS OBAMA'S GIFT CERTIFICATE?
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Demosthenes: So is mine.  I work in IT.


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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #84 on: October 28, 2011, 12:45:42 PM »

In fact, in some cases, shallots are preferred.

Quite true.

@Wunderkind I agree, it does make the process a tad faster too.

@Min So when can we get started?
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Min

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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #85 on: October 28, 2011, 01:40:47 PM »

No dice, I don't want in that badly.

Besides, if I had a waffle iron...I'd be eating waffles right now instead of responding to you.
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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #86 on: October 28, 2011, 04:21:35 PM »

In fact, in some cases, shallots are preferred.

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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #87 on: October 28, 2011, 04:30:21 PM »

*slow clap*
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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #88 on: November 02, 2011, 11:51:59 AM »

This happened awhile ago...

Me: Hello, *blah blah blah* How can I help you?

Them: Why are you guys always down?!

Me: Ok, we are not having any issues at this time, what seems to be happening?

Them: I can't connect, I haven't been able to for 4 days!

Me: Ok, and have you called in and spoken with anyone about this?

Them: NO!

Me: Ok, let me take a look into the radio...

*looks into tower and client gear while making "Alright" "ok" and "hmmm" sounds because people constantly go "ARE YOU STILL THERE?!"*

Them: WELL?

Me: I can connect to the antenna on the outside of you home, but it doesn't see anything connected to it. Do you have a router?

Them: Yes... (In the "Of course I have a router" type of voice)

Me: Ok, could I have you disconnect the power for about 10 seconds?

Them: I ALREADY DID THAT! EVERY TIME I CALL YOU GUYS HAVE ME DO THAT! I WANT YOU TO FIX THIS!

Me: Yes, we do this to make sure that each point in  the system is working properly.

*Finally convince him to reboot router, bypass the router and finally identify router as the problem*

Them: NO! IT CANNOT BE THE ROUTER! I JUST BOUGHT THAT 6 MONTHS AGO!

Me: Ok, unfortunately, Everything else is working correctly, and when you bypass the router you can connect to the Internet. With most electronics, the lifespan of the product varies. I have had routers that were broken out of the box, some that lasted years, and some that lasted only a couple of months. If you would like to bring it in I can look at it in person.

*Customer hangs up*

2 days later -- Customer Brings in router, router will not power up.
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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #89 on: November 07, 2011, 04:58:06 PM »

Just had this exchange with a coworker.


Him: So we just bought a wireless baby monitor.

Me: To monitor your wireless babies?

Boss: [just walking by while taking a drink from his water bottle]
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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #90 on: November 07, 2011, 08:27:45 PM »

it's done with mirrors.

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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #91 on: November 08, 2011, 03:43:12 PM »

Just had this exchange with a coworker.


Him: So we just bought a wireless baby monitor.

Me: To monitor your wireless babies?

Boss: [just walking by while taking a drink from his water bottle]

All babies go wireless the minute they cut the umbilical cord.
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pbsaurus

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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #92 on: November 08, 2011, 09:44:26 PM »

The well hung ones though, still have big pipe.

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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #93 on: November 09, 2011, 01:47:13 AM »

Here is a quick exerpt form Post-It wars on failblog...

http://work.failblog.org/2011/08/05/job-fails-post-it-wars/



Lalah
August 5, 2011 at 09:17

oh, so Nintendo and Super Mario are American?… yeah right, of course an american would think so… the you dont know why the rest of the world think you are dumb.
Reply

    Somefins Fishy
    August 5, 2011 at 23:20

    I love it when people from other countries look at one person and choose to judge a whole country by them. Every country has their idiots, I’m sure yours is the same. I’ll choose to overlook your comment and not deem your country of choice as a bunch of pretentious snobs.
    Reply
        me
        August 10, 2011 at 13:37

        The rest of the world doesn’t pretend their country is the center of the known universe, though. Too many Americans do. Note that I didn’t say “most” or “all”, only “too many”, because in my book, 1 is too many. When are you guys pulling out of the Middle East, where you clearly have no business to be?
        Reply
            Claire
            August 14, 2011 at 15:29

            Actually they do. It’s called ethnocentrism.
            Reply
                santiveron
                August 17, 2011 at 05:57

                plus, it’s easy to be like that when you know nothing from the outside world. we all watch american movies, but americans watch american movies. etcetera
                Reply
            M Mouse
            August 26, 2011 at 04:11

            yeah… u’r in the middle east too dumbass – Libya sound familiar?
            Reply
                C Cat
                August 29, 2011 at 00:34

                OMFGLMAO! No one except the US would even consider calling Libya part of the Middle East. At least not until the US forced the term “Greater Middle East” upon the rest of the world a couple of years ago.
                Reply
                    Shmi
                    September 25, 2011 at 09:09

                    I bet the Fox would =D
                    Reply
                Favo
                September 24, 2011 at 12:33

                That’s where the americans SHOULD be. That’s where they need their help (Too bad there’s not enough petrol there as in the middle east!).
                Reply
            Arrogant and proud
            September 1, 2011 at 18:58

            If I fly a few planes into major buildings of your country and kill a few thousand of your citizens, I’ll make sure to remind your country they clearly have no business attacking me. Seriously think before you type, because in MY book, 1 ignorant person is too many.
            Reply
                Commenteur
                September 3, 2011 at 14:13

                Anders Brievik is a Norwegian and bombed Oslo and committed the massacre on Utoya. Should Norway declare war on itself?

                Inb4 reductio ad abdsurdum.
                Reply
                    Arrogant and proud
                    September 3, 2011 at 15:50

                    They should exact justice on Anders Brievik, like we are exacting justice with the deaths of Osama Bin Laden and a few other Al Qaeda people.
                    Reply
                        Bartonar
                        September 26, 2011 at 21:10

                        dont you know that America funded Osama bin Laden to fight the Russians? It’s little known (in government disfavour) history that Osama was given money by the US during the cold war so he could keep russia out of the middle east. Maybe if america wasnt being so self-important, he would have never happened
                        Reply
                            edwards
                            September 28, 2011 at 07:49

                            I think that fact is widely known, its just the people who know it for some reason think they are in on a little secret that no one else is aware of
                            Reply
                Favo
                September 24, 2011 at 12:35

                Think like this. Bin Laden bombed the WTC
                Reply
                Favo
                September 24, 2011 at 12:38

                Bin Laden fly some planes and kill two thousand people in the US. US declare war with the middle east. US drops a bomb at Japan and kill a few 200.000+ people AND as a bonus turn that area radioactive. Japan can’t do nothing. YOU CAN’T EXPLAIN THAT.
                Reply
                    Malfean
                    September 26, 2011 at 16:40

                    Japan first flew some planes into Pearl Harbor. Moral of the story: don’t fly planes into our stuff. Bad things happen.
                    Reply
                        Ooarashi
                        September 28, 2011 at 09:46

                        The Japanese military (not a proper representation of all peoples of Japan) executed an attack on a country that wasn’t participating in the ongoing war at that time. The attack on Pearl Harbor forced the US to get involved in the war.

                        In response, the US executed two horrific bombings on Japan to stop the Japanese involvement in the war… and it did so at great cost. A cost of many innocent Japanese lives.

                        The war in the “Middle East” was started by someone the US government funded without the knowledge or approval of the US citizens.

                        My point here is all of our various governments do crap behind our backs that get us in trouble and the loud mouthed, bigoted, raciest, arrogant, extremist, and xenophobic people of the world do not speak for everyone.
                        Reply
                            zd
                            October 1, 2011 at 00:09

                            I like toast
                            Reply
                        Hannah
                        October 2, 2011 at 08:48

                        This is my favourite. by far. :D
                        Reply
                    Placeholder
                    October 4, 2011 at 13:49

                    The bombs were dropped because an invasion would have cost many, many more lives. The Japanese had programs to arm schoolchildren with automatic weapons and grenades in preparation.

                    Approximate Allied casualties- on the conservative side- would have been in excess of a million dead. Not counting wounded. Had mainland Japan been invaded.

                    That also doesn’t count Japanese military dead, or Japanese Civilian dead.

                    This also came at the end of a long, ugly war, and a host of atrocities. (look up Unit 731.)

                    If the bombs hadn’t dropped, there would have been a good several more years.

                    Cheers.
                    Reply
                        Angry_Russian
                        October 9, 2011 at 08:42

                        The war would have lasted for only several more months. The Soviet Union had already begun to invade several Japanese islands; if there was an invasion of mainland Japan, a multi-pronged invasion from all the allies would have decimated Japan. Japan really doesn’t have too much territory. It would cost 250,000 Allied casualties tops. A great deal more for Japanese, but w/e.


I love the "japan first flew some planes into Pearl Harbor. Moral of the story: don’t fly planes into our stuff. Bad things happen." part...
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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #94 on: November 09, 2011, 08:37:23 AM »

That thread got so close to mentioning Nazi's I think we should just go ahead and call Godwin's Law on it.
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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #95 on: November 09, 2011, 03:18:37 PM »

That thread got so close to mentioning Nazi's I think we should just go ahead and call Godwin's Law on it.

Lol... I didn't go very far into the comments, so it probably did turn out having nazi's in it.
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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #96 on: December 02, 2011, 03:18:17 PM »

Enrique:  Wow, you must have had a bad day.  You're as happy to see me as you would be to see your dentist!

Me:  My dentist is kind of cute.  I don't mind seeing him.





File that under "W" for WRONG THING TO SAY.
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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #97 on: December 02, 2011, 05:59:21 PM »

If your dentist looks like John, he might get jealous....

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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #98 on: December 02, 2011, 09:08:24 PM »

I don't get it.
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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #99 on: December 03, 2011, 04:45:13 PM »

Ponch's partner on CHIPS.
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