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  • (January 12, 2023, 01:18:11 AM)

Author Topic: A Beginner's Guide to Online Dating Services  (Read 11412 times)

Chris

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A Beginner's Guide to Online Dating Services
« on: February 16, 2008, 08:14:44 PM »

Remember when you were in high school and you had a crush on that guy or girl, but you never knew how to approach him or her, and by the time you finally figured out a way to do it, they were gone? Not to mention that once you finally did work up enough courage to ask him or her, you probably were turned down because you're reading a site called The Geekery on a Friday night.

Online dating services such as Match.com and eHarmony.com have since changed the way we view the process of dating. We once viewed dating as a very personal way of becoming familiar with someone before taking things a step further and eventually invest a substantial amount of time and money into the (most likely short) relationship with that person. These online dating services attempt to get rid of the "guess work" involved in dating by utilizing formulas to compute whether or not you are compatible with others in your search criteria. Furthermore, such services serve as a wake up call to us, showing us how little extra time we have because our lives are absolutely consumed with capitalistic interests ranging from work to shopping nonstop. 

The commercials and extensive online advertising appear to make the process quick and painless, but what they fail to inform you of are the drawbacks such a service presents to you. This article's sole purpose is to inform you, as well as warn you, what the potential dangers of using such a service are. You don't want to be laughed at by your friends for the rest of your life when you get stood up by a person you met online, who is probably the same sex as you, and more than likely one of your friends messing with you.

She might not be who she says she is
The internet is a great invention - In fact, it's even possible to become someone else once you get in cyber space. You instantly have access to millions of pictures that you can pawn off as your own, you have the ability to appear to be smarter than you are since you have instant access to as much information as a human being could possibly need for several life times, and most importantly, you have the ability to hide who you are. This proves to be very dangerous when you don't really know the other person in real life on the other end of the inerweb.

 Here are some tell-tale signs that your hot date might really not be as hot as they say they are:

1. Your "hot date" only shows pictures of her face. This may be because your fat date is morbidly obese, in which case you should be asking yourself what she's doing when she doesn't return your calls. She may be having a love affair with food at the moment and is unable to answer the phone. Another option to take into consideration is that your hot date might be a paraplegic and doesn't want you to know - Additionally, she wouldn't really be able to take a picture of herself very successfully due to her inability to move.

2. Your "hot date" might actually be a guy. As hard as this is to believe, there are some guys out there who are gay and have no other means of satisfying their urges other than trying to pick up other guys on online dating services claiming they are women. This is why it's always a good idea to carry around a tazer with you in the event that you should be jumped by a gay man.

3. Your "hot date" might just be ugly. Period. End of story. Your hot date might be ugly. She may be like the Phantom of the Opera and have a hideous face, and must wear a mask to cover it up, she may be pear shaped, or she may only have a tooth so when she smiles it looks like an abandoned factory with one or two lights on.

4. Your "hot date" only has pictures of her car or other personal possessions in her profile. This means that your hot date is the type of girl that says she doesn't value money, when she really loves money and will do anything to get it. Stay away from people like this, as they are usually drug lords and carry around loaded firearms and have itchy trigger fingers.

She might actually be a guy
I once had a friend that tried going out with a girl he met online, only to find out that "she" was actually a he. Needless to say, this experience forever changed his life knowing that he narrowly escaped a visit to the emergency room for sutures. Not to mention we made fun of him for months afterwards for being so stupid.

The internet allows sick bastards to claim they aren't who they say they are. So XoXosexygrl6996oXoX might really be XoXosexyguy6996oXoX looking for a good time. Chances are that if you're potential "hot date" has pictures of herself that almost look "too good to be true", they probably are, and it's probably time to come back to reality because you're not going to meet up with a girl who looks like Britney Spears pre-crazy psycho bitch era.

She might be a Goth / furry / some other variant of craziness you ought to avoid
Most Goth girls claim to be looking for individuals (I say 'individuals' because sometimes they like females and sometimes they like both) who are authentic, as well as intellectual and able to think on their own while living in their parents' basement, so if you see someone who is looking for someone with such qualities, take warning: She might actually be a Goth in disguise. Similarly, she might be a furry and in which case your best bet might be to unplug your computer and get rid of it as soon as possible as furries has the uncanny ability to hunt down computers that their acquaintances have used in the past.

She might be morbidly obese (And smell horrific as a result)
If your potential hot date insists on just taking pictures of just her face while looking up at the camera, chances are she's obese and potentially morbidly obese. and most likely smells as a result Additionally if the pictures of just her sad face are in black and white she might be a morbidly obese Goth who probably smells. Which is funny because "morbid" refers to death, so they are not just fat, but "deadly fat". Further more, if she sounds excited about meeting up at a steak house or any other type of restaurant you may want to reconsider things before you head on out to the date.
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Re: A Beginner's Guide to Online Dating Services
« Reply #1 on: February 17, 2008, 05:45:05 PM »

She might be one of those creepy people in the commericals.

Does anyone else notice that there is something a bit off with these people?
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ydnamtnediserp

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Re: A Beginner's Guide to Online Dating Services
« Reply #2 on: February 17, 2008, 06:03:34 PM »



edit: remember, i have horrible luck with GIS. :(
« Last Edit: February 19, 2008, 05:11:59 PM by ydnamtnediserp »
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Anyanka_was_framed

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Re: A Beginner's Guide to Online Dating Services
« Reply #3 on: February 19, 2008, 09:54:36 AM »

She might be one of those creepy people in the commericals.

Does anyone else notice that there is something a bit off with these people?

They seem drugged to me.  Not because all people on dating sites are on drugs, but the people in the ads seem to be.  Not the fun ones either; more like tranquilizers for some and uber anti-depressants for others.
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Awawintarod

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Re: A Beginner's Guide to Online Dating Services
« Reply #4 on: November 27, 2014, 04:11:06 AM »

can you have a new game to get it right??
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Re: A Beginner's Guide to Online Dating Services
« Reply #5 on: November 27, 2014, 09:47:59 AM »

God damnit, the game is over - YOU LOST. Get over it.
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