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Author Topic: "The Lullaby Curse" discussion thread  (Read 27298 times)

Demosthenes

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"The Lullaby Curse" discussion thread
« on: August 08, 2010, 04:23:32 PM »

So as to preserve the continuity of Wunderkind's work, let's limit all of the discussion about it to this thread.

Thanks.
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Wunderkind

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Re: "The Lullaby Curse" discussion thread
« Reply #1 on: August 08, 2010, 05:51:43 PM »

Thank you.  :-)
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Novice

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Re: "The Lullaby Curse" discussion thread
« Reply #2 on: August 09, 2010, 02:32:57 AM »

"She was a natural brunette."

 :wink:

I laughed at the above. It isn't the best of times for me to express my feelings towards what has been written, but I can at least say that I am enjoying it!
« Last Edit: August 09, 2010, 02:36:54 AM by Novice »
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Wunderkind

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Re: "The Lullaby Curse" discussion thread
« Reply #3 on: August 09, 2010, 08:23:07 AM »

I'm glad you enjoyed it because I totally meant to take that sentence out and replace it with something else.  :lol: Well, it gets the dry, detached sense of his state of mind across anyway.
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Re: "The Lullaby Curse" discussion thread
« Reply #4 on: August 09, 2010, 02:28:40 PM »

". . . her reaction time a slowed from feeding on a drugged victim. Her pinned her to wall, his hand on her throat. . . ."

Just a few things I noticed. Not to nit-pick or anything, just a heads up.
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Wunderkind

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Re: "The Lullaby Curse" discussion thread
« Reply #5 on: August 09, 2010, 10:32:23 PM »

Cha, I didn't have someone else read that before I posted it. Thanks.
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Banshee

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Re: "The Lullaby Curse" discussion thread
« Reply #6 on: August 23, 2010, 07:59:59 AM »

Don't know if you caught this already, but:

You’re Your server will be with you in a moment. Can I get you something to drink while you wait?” Words she had rehearsed, lines she had spoken a million times, impersonal and detached, but spoken with a kind smile so he wouldn’t feel that is was that way that it(?) was that way.

Also a few lines down, "reek" should be "wreak."
« Last Edit: August 23, 2010, 08:02:01 AM by Banshee »
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Re: "The Lullaby Curse" discussion thread
« Reply #7 on: August 23, 2010, 11:41:45 AM »

Also,

Moar!
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Re: "The Lullaby Curse" discussion thread
« Reply #8 on: August 23, 2010, 02:36:41 PM »

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Wunderkind

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Re: "The Lullaby Curse" discussion thread
« Reply #9 on: August 23, 2010, 05:14:32 PM »

Thanks, Banshee.

Moar Posted.
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Dangermonk

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Re: "The Lullaby Curse" discussion thread
« Reply #10 on: August 27, 2010, 04:30:36 PM »

Kill the Characters

Didn't read the Lullaby Curse
Don't even care
Kill the characters
That's what you fuckers did with my stories.  You killed all of my characters with shotgun-toting polar bears.  Why should others get a break?  
« Last Edit: August 27, 2010, 04:35:54 PM by Dangermonk »
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Wunderkind

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Re: "The Lullaby Curse" discussion thread
« Reply #11 on: November 03, 2010, 04:42:13 PM »

I'm sure you all are capable of using Google, but I thought I'd cut you a break.

  Ezajasz – meaning god is salvation: Niecislaw will also call him ‘przodek’ which means ‘ancestor’
  Strzyga – Polish equivalent to the vampire

The meaning of Ezajasz is my understanding, so if you think or know it means otherwise, please let me know.
I don't think it is out of the common dialect.
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Re: "The Lullaby Curse" discussion thread
« Reply #12 on: December 22, 2010, 02:53:12 PM »

Alright, I finlly got around to reading this today. After just a few paragraph, I was impressed. After a few more, and I was hooked. Then I noticed I had meetings. I rescheduled them so I could finish reading this. Other than the occasional errors, I certainly see book potential! Get someone to review the work. Keep at it, and bring me the rest ASAP. I want to read the whole thing NOW!
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Re: "The Lullaby Curse" discussion thread
« Reply #13 on: December 22, 2010, 08:18:13 PM »

You know, it occurs to me that we have at least a few people here who are pretty good editors...
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Wunderkind

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Re: "The Lullaby Curse" discussion thread
« Reply #14 on: December 23, 2010, 08:32:07 AM »

I have more on the way but it probably won't be out until after the holidays. My writing is kind of staled with all the Saturnalia/Solstice/I'm-a-big-fat-Christian-lie  Festivities.
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Wunderkind

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Re: "The Lullaby Curse" discussion thread
« Reply #15 on: December 23, 2010, 08:33:40 AM »

Double Post FTW

I do plan on having it reviewed. Eventually I hope to have all my work reviewed and edited, though I may publish through less than orthodox means.
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TheJudge

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Re: "The Lullaby Curse" discussion thread
« Reply #16 on: December 23, 2010, 09:10:10 AM »

Oh, I do have one suggestion...


"The two prostitutes on either side of young Aleks had been dead for a while now and were growing stiff."

Add the follwing line: "it was a that point that Aleks noticed he was groing stiff too. Time to find some more prostitutes..." And then keep going with the rest.


 :lol:

OR... If you want to pay homage to my friend Xolix, go with:

"The two prostitutes on either side of young Aleks had been dead for a while now and were growing stiff. It was a that point that Aleks noticed he was groing stiff too. He watched as Aleks slept, unaware and peaceful… stupid. He had to admit however, that the corpse fucking scene he just witnessed was pretty funny."

« Last Edit: December 23, 2010, 09:18:10 AM by TheJudge »
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Wunderkind

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Re: "The Lullaby Curse" discussion thread
« Reply #17 on: December 23, 2010, 11:15:51 AM »

Cute and gruesome and noted, but I'll keep it the way it is. Why will be explained later in the story.

EDIT: I also noticed a whole lot of Happy Place problems because of the word filter that I should probably go through and sort out, but I'm just too damn lazy. If you can't figure out what word it was supposed to be... you don't deserve to be able to read.
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Demosthenes

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Re: "The Lullaby Curse" discussion thread
« Reply #18 on: December 23, 2010, 01:07:25 PM »

... though I may publish through less than orthodox means.

I have a side project I've been working on for a while that I plan to self-publish through Lulu.com.
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Wunderkind

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Re: "The Lullaby Curse" discussion thread
« Reply #19 on: December 23, 2010, 02:14:27 PM »

Yes! I saw that when you posted it in mibbit! It's very interesting, indeed.

Just out curiosity, has anyone figured out who the murderous vampire in the first chapter is yet? You've already met him, again.
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Demosthenes

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Re: "The Lullaby Curse" discussion thread
« Reply #20 on: December 23, 2010, 02:18:09 PM »

I had initially assumed it was Luey, but now that I look at it again, it seems more like Eza.

BTW, I don't think I mentioned it before, but I have enjoyed reading what you have of this so far.  You're a good writer. :)
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Wunderkind

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Re: "The Lullaby Curse" discussion thread
« Reply #21 on: December 23, 2010, 02:31:30 PM »

Thanks!

Of course, I'm not going to tell you if you're right or not, I just wanted to see how good my mystery skills are.
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ivan

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Re: "The Lullaby Curse" discussion thread
« Reply #22 on: December 23, 2010, 04:48:26 PM »

Cute and gruesome and noted, but I'll keep it the way it is. Why will be explained later in the story.

EDIT: I also noticed a whole lot of Happy Place problems because of the word filter that I should probably go through and sort out, but I'm just too damn lazy. If you can't figure out what word it was supposed to be... you don't deserve to be able to read.

I can remove the filter.
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Wunderkind

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Re: "The Lullaby Curse" discussion thread
« Reply #23 on: December 23, 2010, 10:41:35 PM »

Nah like I said:

If you can't figure out what word it was supposed to be... you don't deserve to be able to read.
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ivan

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Re: "The Lullaby Curse" discussion thread
« Reply #24 on: December 23, 2010, 11:16:03 PM »

I like the cut of your jib.
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