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Author Topic: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread  (Read 29198 times)

Demosthenes

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The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« on: January 13, 2011, 12:58:25 PM »

Post your funny Me/Them stories here.
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12AX7

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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #1 on: January 16, 2011, 02:04:57 AM »

one time at high school, in grade 11. Our math class won a trip to Canada's wonderland. i was really pumped. i was soo pumped up i head butted my teacher. (not really) but, i was sent to the office for being late. and im always late.. so i wasnt allowed to leave school grounds for a "punishment".. they said i had to pick up garbage.. but i said no way.. i rather spend the whole day with the principal at canadas wonderland.. BY THE WAY... the office knows me very well..   And they always treat me like shit.. iam mouthy and dont really care much.. but i dont care about that.... so they decided that they would make me spend the whole day at canadas wonderland..(fdor you people who have a serious buzz and dont know what canadas wonderland is.. its an amusment park) under supervision.. i was pretty pissed at that.. but i wasnt pissed after i got out of the office becuase i saw up the secritarys skirt and i poped like 16 boners.. i went home and fooled around with my girlfriend, as i thought about the secritary.. anyways..

So friday comes along.. in the morning before we left we had a breakfest.. i smoked a nice jay in the car, priror to this breakfest soo i ate soo much i didnt even eat lunch..

so after the nice jay my buddy and i walked into the school and notice they had coffee there.. i like coffee cause it gets me pumped.. soo i notice ms.tinney standing near the coffee.. and luckily i had some "king bio natural" which is a liquid similar to exlax.. makes you take serious shits. soo i decided to do something.. ha ha ha.. (this story may seemed fucked, but its 8:00am and ive been up all night drinking, smoking dope, and doing some other "stuff")

i approached the coffee stands with a smile and ms.tinney noticed me right away.. she smiled at me and said something stupid.. i think it was "hey, you showed up!" and i just said good morning to her... i then grabed a cup and handed it to my buddy.. who was eating all the pancakes on the other side because we smoked a nice jay and he had serious munchies.. so my buddy who has the serious munchies pours about a quarter cup full of "king bio natural" (the stuff that makes your ass leak) i then took the cup back and filled it up with coffee... i noticed she was talking to other students soo, i distrupted her and said "her, lets start out day off right" or something like that.. i sort of forget cause i had smoked a nice jay in the car prior to the breakfest... She smiled at me and said something really gay like.. soo, far. mr.cant say my last name, it seems like we're off to a good start.."

sooo the fat grease ball(my principal) pours creme and sugar into her "coffee".. i then just walked away and said something like ill see ya in a bit...

soo we bored the fackin buses and of course my principal says you cant sit with any of your friends.. or girls.. soo i had to go sit up at the front of the bus with the fat grease ball princial.. she took up soo much room on the bus seat i had to sit on the edge, the side of the seat was going up my ass.. but i knew it would be worth it...

soo shes still drinking her coffee, siping on it like a facking know it all..
by the way it was about an hour drive and the whole way there she kept asking me idiotic questions about my family... i she wanted to get to know me.. she says she knows my dad.. (everyone knows my filthy father.. he is the only neuro surgeon in and around the city) soo, we finally arrive at Canada's facking Wonderland, and she's acting all cool with her dorky glasses and fat ass.. she gives us instructions on when to meet back at the buses and stuff like that.. and everyone gets their tickets and spreads way.. im still with the ms.tinney, the fat grease ball, i noticed in line she was getting uncomfertable.. as soon as we got in.. she said lets go to the washroom first... meanwhile shes walking soo fast for a large person, it was an attraction its self.. she then went into the washroom.. im with my buddy and his girlfriend.. my girlfriend was with her friends, and they wernt far behind.. soo im waiting in front of the smelly washrooms for about 10 minutes.. 15 minutes go by and i finally tell my friends girlfriend to go in there too see if she is alright... my buddys girlfriend comes out about 3 minutes later and says... lets go... and i say "what do you mean" and my buddys girlfriend says
"your allowed to go with your friends." after she said that i was laughing soo hard i went and took a leak..which was sweet.

Soo, at 3 o'clock we are supposed to meet up at the buses.. we meet there, and its about 3:30pm.. still no prinicpal....so i told ms.gullo, the other teacher who wears sweet thongs all the time, the last time i saw her was in the washroom.. and i told her she said i could go by myself.. the whole bus was quiet and listening to me.. which was sweet.. cause i got off of hanging with the fat greaser all day...

so ms. gullo goes to the washrooms checks.. no principal..

fuck this.. im just going to sum it up... ms.gullo goes to the information desk and asks about the principal...the principal was in the nurses aid.. with explosive diarehhea... i dont know what happend for sure in the nurses aid room because i wasnt there...

overall... she shat all day and probley all night.. she never knew it was me that put bio natural in her coffee...


that was long... holy shit
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Jaepheth

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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #2 on: January 16, 2011, 08:32:22 PM »

Ok so what happened was this one time Randy Beeman was in his kitchen looking for a snack and he opened up the refrigerator and inside the refrigerator was a jar of yogurt and he started eating the yogurt and then Randy Beeman's mom came in and she asked him what he was doing and he said he was eating yogurt but then she said, "That isn't yogurt."

K, bye
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Demosthenes

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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #3 on: January 26, 2011, 05:37:35 PM »

User: *walks into office*

Me: Can I help you?

User: I was trying to transfer some inventory and $ERP_app locked up and now my computer's just a blank screen!

Me: I can fix that from here if I can end whatever process is locked up on your computer.  What's your computer number?

User:  ...

User: How would I know that?

Me: It's the 4-digit number on the big, red and silver sticker we have on every single computer in the company.  You know.  The number we ask for every single time one of you calls us or asks any of us for IT help.

User: ...

Me: :roll:

Me: Right.  Got it.  Okay, let's go over there.

Me: *walks with User all the way across the production floor, into the warehouse, and all the way across the warehouse to where User's office is located*

User: See! Just a blank screen!

Me: You're not running $ERP_app locally.  You're running it on the Terminal Server.  :x

User: :?

Me: *sigh* I can't fix this from here.  I need to log you off the server.  I wish you'd told me that before I had to waste time walking all the way out here.

Me: *walks all the way back across the warehouse, back across the production floor, and into the IT office*

Me: *opens up tsadmin.exe*

Me: *right-click on User, log out*


What is normally literally a 30 second issue turned into 10 minutes of uselessness.  And end users wonder why we get frustrated with them when they don't give us enough information.  :roll:
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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #4 on: January 26, 2011, 07:42:22 PM »

I should probably mention that I'm not opposed to getting up and walking across the whole big-ass building to troubleshoot something.

But when for one, said walkabout was completely pointless, and for another, when this happens 10 times a day, all those useless walkabouts add up to a whole lot of inefficient, wasted time.
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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #5 on: January 26, 2011, 09:38:13 PM »

So you believe in being lean. Good.
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Demosthenes

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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #6 on: January 26, 2011, 09:44:38 PM »

So you believe in being lean. Good.

As a matter of fact, that's precisely my point.  And my employer does too.  So I have a perfectly good justification to tell users "put in a ticket or call with your computer number when you have problems like this" that isn't just related to my annoyance at walking.

If every user did what this one did, I'd literally never get anything done but walking all day.
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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #7 on: January 27, 2011, 12:54:53 AM »

It would be interesting if you wore a pedometer and calculated how many unecessary steps you have taken in a month.
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Demosthenes

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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #8 on: January 31, 2011, 03:39:54 PM »

This happened over my lunch hour, while I was in the break room, quietly reading my book.  The user in question walked up to me and started unceremoniously yammering at me.

User: I can't log in.

Me: Log into what?

User: Email.

Me: In what way?

User: It won't let me.

Me:  :roll:

Me: I mean, what are you trying to log into?  A workstation? OWA?  What?

User:  I don't know.  I just need to get into my email and it won't let me.

Me: Okay, assuming you mean you're trying to log into OWA, [since this user is a production floor user most likely using a PC without MS Office installed on it], what happens when you try?

User: It says the username-domain passwords are wrong.

Me: *sigh*

Me: Show me.

Me: *follows user out to workstation where he's at an OWA login prompt*

Me: What's your user name?

User: It's $username.

Me: Okay, type that in the "user name" field.

User: *does so*

Me: Okay, then go ahead and type your password in the "password" field.

User: *does so*  See? Won't let me in.

Me: And you're sure that's the right password?

User: Well OF COURSE it is.

Me: Well, maybe your account is locked out.

Me: *walks all the way back to own desk, logs in, pulls up active directory and notes that the user's account is not locked out*

Me: *walks all the way back to the production floor, finds User*  Your account isn't locked out.  I'm guessing you're typing your password wrong.

User: No, I'm typing it right.

Me: That could be, but what you're typing isn't the password.

User: [getting irritated] WELL I JUST NEED THIS TO WORK, SO FIX IT.

Me: Okay, let ME try it.  *sits down*  What's your password?

User: It's $password.

Me: *types User's username and password into OWA login screen*

Me: Looks like that works.

User:  :-o How'd you do that!?

Me: Beats me.  Looks like that is your password though.  *logs out*  Here, you try it again.

User: *sits down, types username and password*

User: Nope.  Won't let me in.

User: So obviously something's wrong.

Me:  :roll: Obviously.  *logs user in again* I'm going to go finish my lunch hour now.

User: So... when will you fix this?

Me: *walks away*
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Jaepheth

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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #9 on: February 01, 2011, 12:45:32 AM »

Back when I worked retail (I'm paraphrasing here)...

Customer: "I'd like to return this notebook computer"

Me: "Ok, what seems to be the trouble"

Customer: "It just shuts off after awhile"

I turn on the computer, it seems just fine

Me: "How long did it take to shut off before?"

Customer: "A few hours"

Me: "A few hours? Did you have it plugged in?"

Customer: "No"

Me: "Well, the battery probably just ran out. They only run 4-5 hours on the battery"

I don't remember the exact details after that, but we ended up doing the return since it was within a few days of the purchase.
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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #10 on: February 01, 2011, 01:01:34 AM »

However, the craziest customer I ever helped, BY FAR, was a woman who was convinced that several huge corporations were after her. Disney was after her because she knew, or could prove, that one of their characters was plagiarized, and some huge fashion company was hacking into her computer to steal her knitting or crochet patterns.

How did she know someone was stealing her stuff? because sometimes her screen would flash as though someone were photographing it!
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Demosthenes

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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #11 on: February 01, 2011, 10:39:58 AM »

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reimero

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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #12 on: February 01, 2011, 01:13:14 PM »

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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #13 on: February 11, 2011, 05:17:31 PM »

My opponent in this particular battle of wits is an out-of-state sales person who works for our company who called me up this afternoon.



Her: I'm at the Sprint store, they're giving me a different phone.

Me: Okay?

Her: They're helping me set up mail on it.  What's my email password?

Me: :?

Me: What... do you mean?

Her: I need my email password to get my mail set up on my new phone.

Me: I have no way of knowing what your password is.

Me: I could reset it for you if you've forgotten it...

Her: Well I don't know what it is either, so resetting it is not a big deal.

Me: How... can you not know ... what it is?

Her: Well I never have to type it, so I have no idea what it is.

Me: You work from home there, right?

Her: Yes...

Me: With the company laptop we gave you.

Her: Yes... what's this have to do with anything?

Me: [thinking she's using OWA or something]  How... do you normally get email?  I know you have Outlook on your laptop.  I installed it myself.

Her: Outlook doesn't ask me for my password.  All my email is just there already in it.

Me: Well no, Outlook shouldn't ask you.  But if you don't know your password, how are you getting logged on to our network remotely?

Her:  :x

Her: Like I always do.

Me: It's the same password.

Her: NO.  NOT my network password. I need my EMAIL password.

Me: You don't HAVE a separate password for email.

Her: *sigh*

Her: Look, I'm getting mail set up on my replacement phone, AND THERE IS A PASSWORD FIELD there

Her: And it won't let me leave it blank.

Me: So put in your password!

Her: I DON'T KNOW MY PASSWORD.

Me: It's the same password!

Her: I'll just call Adam when he's back on Monday

Me: Just try it.  Type your usual network password in the "password" field and it will work.

Her: *click*
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Demosthenes

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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #14 on: February 11, 2011, 05:48:16 PM »

Incidentally, this pretty much sums up how I envision most people who work in Sales, just based on years of having to provide tech support for them.

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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #15 on: February 11, 2011, 05:52:40 PM »

Obviously, Demo, It's more understandable to have different passwords for each work application you use.
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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #16 on: February 11, 2011, 06:08:52 PM »

Actually I've had that happen to me. The network login and my email login were different; but only because the group I was in hadn't migrated to the new domain yet. So my email login had the new domain in it, and that password was different than the one I logged in "to work"; which was the 'old' domain login and password.
tada
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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #17 on: February 13, 2011, 09:32:06 AM »

Jeez.


Co-worker: "... blah blahblah Mayans blablahblah 2012 blah blah better get yourself 'right' blah blah"

Me: "... wait, what?"

Co-worker: "2012. The Mayans predicted it."

Me: "The Mayans predicted. . . 2012?"

Co-worker: "Yeh! Their calendar predicted 2012; way back thousands of years ago!"

Me: "Um. No. 2012 comes after 2011; Mayans or none. They didn't predict 2012. Its a sequential year in the midst of thousands of other years."

Co-worker: "But they predicted it; how could they have KNOWN about 2012 several thousand years ago?"

Me: "They could COUNT?"


Retards aren't always fun to watch.  :|
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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #18 on: February 14, 2011, 12:19:38 AM »

I work in the bakery department of a grocery store in a very tourist-y area of the Pocono mountains.  It's hell on Earth.  Today:

Customer: I need a birfday cake.

Me: Well, you've come to the right place.  All of our cakes are in this case here.

Customer: MAN, THESE AIN'T NO BIRFDAY CAKES!  THEY GOT FLOWAHS AND SHIT ON 'EM!

Me: ...well, ma'am, they're pretty much general purpose cakes.  They can be served for just about any occasion.  

Customer: *stalks off to the Carvel ice cream cake freezer*

Customer: *shoves ice cream cake at me*  Write "Happy Birfday, Shawn" on this.

Me: Is that spelled S-E-A-N?

Customer: :x ESS.  AITCH.  AY.  DUH.  BA.  YOU.  EN. :x

Me: *writes on cake and hands it to customer*  There you are, ma'am.  Thank you very much.

Customer: How much is it?

Me: $27.99; you can pay for it at the registers up front.

Customer: I AIN'T PAYIN' NO 30 DOLLAHS FUH NO BIRFDAY CAKE!![/b]

Me: *facepalm*
« Last Edit: February 14, 2011, 12:21:19 AM by HeavyJay »
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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #19 on: February 14, 2011, 03:19:31 PM »

While eating at a restaurant this weekend

wife:Wow, this is really great food

Me: Yep, it's good shit.

Wife (frowning): It's not "shit"

me: It will be soon!


(I'm such a romantic)
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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #20 on: February 14, 2011, 03:41:10 PM »

You are not what you eat.  You are what you don't shit.

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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #21 on: February 14, 2011, 08:39:24 PM »

Min

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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #22 on: February 15, 2011, 08:43:26 AM »

I bumped into an old co-worker at my new work.  (Didn't knock her down.)

Me:  Hey!  Remember me?  We used to work at Joyner together!

Her:  Oh yeah!  I remember you now.  blah blah blah

Me:  blah blah blah

Her:  I know why I didn't recognize you.  You were smaller then.

Me thinking:  Wait, I was shorter then?

Wait, no, she's saying I'm bigger now, like fatter? 

Does she know I'm pregnant? 

Well, that doesn't matter, it's true, I WAS smaller then. 

But can you say that? 

She just did. 

I was smaller then?  Do people say that??


Me:  Yeah.  Smaller.  :|
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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #23 on: February 15, 2011, 02:08:15 PM »

I bumped into an old co-worker at my new work.  (Didn't knock her down.)

Me:  Hey!  Remember me?  We used to work at Joyner together!

Her:  Oh yeah!  I remember you now.  blah blah blah

Me:  blah blah blah

Her:  I know why I didn't recognize you.  You were smaller then.

Me thinking:  Wait, I was shorter then?

Wait, no, she's saying I'm bigger now, like fatter? 

Does she know I'm pregnant? 

Well, that doesn't matter, it's true, I WAS smaller then. 

But can you say that? 

She just did. 

I was smaller then?  Do people say that??


Me:  Yeah.  Smaller.  :|

You should've knocked her down.
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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #24 on: February 15, 2011, 04:03:52 PM »

Adobe should DIAF.



User: OMG NEED UPDATED FLASH

Me: No prob.  I've been updating machines as people bring it up.  I have the most recent standalone installer on a network share

Me: *remotes to User's computer*

Me: *logs in as self, runs standalone installer, just like every other time*

Installer: Successfully installed!

Me: There we go, ttyl

User: Thanks!

*10 minutes later*

User: Uh, this site still says I need Flash

Me: *re-remotes to User's computer*

Me: Huh.  *looks at "Manage addons in IE*

IE:OMG I'M STILL USENING FLASH PLAYER 9.SOMETHING

Me: Uhhh

Me: *logs user out, logs in as self*

Me: *runs installer again for Flash 10.2*

Me: *launches IE*

IE: LOL NOPE STILL FLASH PLAYER 9.SOMETHING OMG Weird Tingly Feeling BBQ

Me: Weird Tingly Feeling?

Me: *add-remove programs*

Me: *uninstall Adobe Flash Player*

IE: LOL NOPE STILL FLASH PLAYER 9.SOMETHING OMG Weird Tingly Feeling BBQ

Me: *runs standalone Flash Player 10.2 installer again*

IE: LOL NOPE STILL FLASH PLAYER 9.SOMETHING OMG Weird Tingly Feeling BBQ

Me: *goes to C:\Windows\system32\Macromed and deletes the Flash directory*

Windows: Fuck you.  Access is denied.

Me: *checks permissions, verifies full control*

Me: *tries deleting again*

Windows: Fuck you.  Access is denied.

Me: *takes ownership of the Flash directory*

Me: *tries deleting again*

Windows: Fuck you.  Access is denied.

Me: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH

Me: *reboots*

Me: *logs in once it comes up*

Me: *tries navigating out to the Flash directory again, is interrupted by a notification that Adobe Flash needs to update*

Me: *goes on shooting spree*
Logged

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