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Author Topic: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread  (Read 29201 times)

Min

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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #100 on: December 05, 2011, 07:40:58 AM »

Ohhhhhh.  Haha!  Good one.  Too bad I'm too slow sometimes.
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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #101 on: December 05, 2011, 07:09:51 PM »

It's called Mommy-Brain.  Dealing with kids does that to even the best of us.

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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #102 on: December 14, 2011, 05:34:56 PM »

I overheard this conversation this afternoon. :)




Coworker: What's the username for the $app account?

Programmer: Username?

Coworker: Right. The username.

Programmer: Username.

Coworker: Right.

Programmer: Okay.

Coworker: ...

Coworker: So... the username.

Programmer: Huh?

Coworker: What's the username for the $app account?

Programmer: USERNAME?

Coworker: YES.

Programmer: THE USERNAME IS 'USERNAME'.

Coworker: ...

Coworker: Oh.

Me:

Coworker #1: :(
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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #103 on: December 15, 2011, 11:16:09 AM »

I overheard this conversation this afternoon. :)




Coworker: What's the username for the $app account?

Programmer: Username?

Coworker: Right. The username.

Programmer: Username.

Coworker: Right.

Programmer: Okay.

Coworker: ...

Coworker: So... the username.

Programmer: Huh?

Coworker: What's the username for the $app account?

Programmer: USERNAME?

Coworker: YES.

Programmer: THE USERNAME IS 'USERNAME'.

Coworker: ...

Coworker: Oh.

Me:

Coworker #1: :(

Back in the olden days I liked to periodically change the supervisor account password to things like "pissoff", "noneofyourdamnbusiness", "howthehellshouldiknow", "iforget", etc., and wait for one of my co-admins to ask me what the new password was.
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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #104 on: December 15, 2011, 11:35:27 AM »

That reminds me of my angrily-made Game Center username . . .

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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #105 on: December 15, 2011, 11:28:59 PM »

Always have a backdoor just in case.  For that make the password goatse.

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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #106 on: January 11, 2012, 12:04:54 PM »

User: I can't log onto my computer. It says that this workstation is locked by Pete and only Pete or an Administrator can unlock it.

Me: I'm kind of in the middle of some stuff right now, but you can fix this yourself by rebooting.

User: I already did.

Me: ...

Me: No, because if you rebooted, it wouldn't be locked by Pete anymore. You'd be able to log in.  :roll:

User: I already rebooted it, and it came back up to the same thing.

Me: But--

User: I really need to get logged in.

Me: Fine, I'll be over there in a minute. 

Me: *walks all the way over to the shipping department*

Me: *powers down User's computer*

Me: *powers it back up again*

Me: There you go.

User: OMG THAT DIDN'T WORK WHEN I TRIED IT.

Me:
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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #107 on: January 11, 2012, 12:17:20 PM »

And they just keep coming.



Account Manager: Hey, is it all right for me to submit an SFTP setup request for this new customer way in advance, even though they won't be needing it for a few weeks?

Me: Not only is it all right, but that's the way it SHOULD be done. We like lots of lead time on things like that.  Especially if they won't actually be using it for a few weeks.

Account Manager: Great! I'll submit a ticket for it then.

Me: Cool, thanks.

[10 minutes later]

Account Manager: *submits an "Urgent" ticket for this setup*

Me:
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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #108 on: January 11, 2012, 03:55:25 PM »

Heh.  This happened right before lunch today.




Coworker: *sigh* Well, I guess I should get around to shredding all the CDs on this list

Me: Because it's technically customer data, make sure you destroy the list too

Coworker: Oh yeah, good point.  Thanks for reminding me.

Coworker: *shreds list*

Coworker:  :-o

Me: Did... you... just...

Coworker: Whoops. I probably should have destroyed the list last, huh.
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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #109 on: January 16, 2012, 03:00:07 PM »

Me: What Operating system are you running? Windows or Mac?

Them: Windows.

Me: Ok, in the lower left hand corner can you click on the start button?

Them: Start button? I don't see one.

Me: Ok, There should be a circle with a flag in it or a green bar that says start.

Them: No, I don't see it.

Me: ok, can I have you open your Internet explorer.

Them: Ok, so... I click on the start button and... ok, It's open.

Me:  :?
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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #110 on: January 17, 2012, 09:49:54 PM »

Me: Hey Mother, you using the internet?

Mother: No, why?

Me: My computer's missing a proprietary driver I need in order to connect to the wireless, so I'm going to plug this *holds up cord* into the computer, but that will take your internet away for a few minutes while I download. Is that okay? (I started off strong but then remembered who I was talking to, so calmed it down a little towards the end there.)

Mother: Yeah, yeah, whatever. (She doesn't usually listen when I start talking about computers.)

Me: (Plugged up, downloadin' drivers n' shit like no other.)

Mother: Hey, why won't my email load?

Me: ...

Mother: Come on, fix it!

Me: ...
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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #111 on: January 18, 2012, 07:43:04 PM »

So I have a traditional IRA with Primerica.  It's where I've rolled all of my miscellaneous retirement plan orphans from former employers and other similar work catastrophe shrapnel so that it can actually make me some money.

Recently, because I'm not getting any younger, it seemed a prudent choice to convert it into a Roth IRA (and pay the taxes on it so that I never have to once I'm drawing on it assuming I ever get to retire).  This is how this went, figuratively.

Me: *fills out the paperwork to convert the traditional IRA to a Roth IRA, specified to withhold 25% of it so that state and federal taxes are covered*

Primerica: Done! Here's your statement!

Me: Uh.  This is a total value of $14,000+.  You can't possibly tell me that from December 2011 to January 2012 my little portfolio made $3500+ in gains after the 25% withholding I know you made.

Primerica: 25 what now?

Me: Line 24 of the conversion form.  It says "Withholding: 25%".

Primerica: lolwut

Me: You didn't withhold anything?

Primerica: Oh yeah, it says 25%, huh?

Me: Yes.  Yes it does.

Primerica: Whoops.  Nope, we didn't do any shit like that.

Me: ....

Me: So.  Fix this. 

Primerica: lolwut

Me: It's on the form. I did everything correctly. You didn't follow instructions. Fix it.  Immediately.

Primerica: No way dude.  We already reported to the IRS the distribution of $14,000 for you as income in 2011.

Me: ...

Me: What? 

Primerica: Yup.  Sorry.  Our bad.

Me: That's.... going to fuck us for taxes.  You realize that the IRS is going to be wanting a big chunk of that, right?

Primerica: lolwut

Me:

Me: Then you need to fix this.  Withhold after-the-fact and send a correction to the IRS.

Primerica: LOL

Primerica: No can do, man!  Sorry.  We fucked up. But we're not going to lift a finger to fix this.

Me: I beg to differ.

Primerica: You whatnow?

Me: FUCKING FIX THIS.

Primerica: why u mad bro?

Me: Because when tax time comes around, I won't have $3,500 to send to Uncle Fucking Sam, that's why! 

Primerica: LOL!  Yeah.  Sorry about that.  Our bad.

Me: I DON'T FUCKING THINK SO. 

Me: *proceeds to rip this idiot a new one*

Primerica:

Primerica: Jesus.  Okay, okay.  Fine.  Just stop yelling at me.  There's no way you could know my personal habits, but I'll admit, you guessed correctly on at least three or four of those.

Me: So.  Ball's in your court.  What are you fucking morons going to do to fix this?

Primerica: Uh.  Well, we need to put our brains together, because by pooling them we can form a collective intelligence with an IQ of roughly 90, and that's what we need at this point.

Me: And?

Primerica: We'll call you back.

Me: When?

Primerica: Huh?

Me: When will you call me back?

Primerica: LOL! You got us.  We weren't actually going to.  But since you're cornering us like that... uhhhhhhhhhhh.... how about tomorrow after 6pm your time?

Me: Excellent.  And in case you don't?

Primerica: Well here's my phone number.  508---

Me: I don't need your phone number.  I need your manager's.  If you don't call me back when you say you will, I have no further need of you. 

Primerica: Oh.  Shit.  Okay, here's my manager's direct number...

Me: Thank you.





So, today, dipshit actually called me back shortly after 6pm.   :-o


Primerica: LOL I AM CALLING YUO!!!!!

Me: Congratulations.  You mastered the art of winning my trust.  Have you fixed the mess you made yet?

Primerica: Well..... no.

Me: Wrong answer.

Primerica: We can't send a correction to the IRS.

Me: Bullshit.  It happens all the time.  In fact, I have had employers do it when they misreported payroll.  I know a major financial institution like Primerica can manage a simple "Whoops, our bad, we meant this...."

Primerica: No, we're too fucking stupid to manage something as complicated as that thing small businesses do all the time.

Me: Well then we're stuck.  You fucked this up, and you're fixing it.

Primerica:  Welllll..... we can send you a check out of your balance for the 25%.  Then you can set it aside and send it to the IRS when you do your taxes.

Me: Aaaaaaand you won't charge me a big fucking penalty for withdrawing $3,500 from my portfolio? And you won't report this distribution to the IRS as additional income for 2012?

Primerica: LOL NO! BIG WORDS, ME NOT UNDERSTAND

Me: Sure.  Well, assuming you aren't just lying to my face, that is an acceptable solution. 





Somehow I doubt they'll manage something as simple as cutting a check for a set dollar amount.  But hey.  I didn't think the idiot would actually call me back, either.  So who knows?
« Last Edit: January 18, 2012, 07:48:01 PM by Mr_Shifty »
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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #112 on: January 21, 2012, 12:12:40 AM »

Boss: So, how do you feel now that you've talked to Bob? (NOTE: Bob is an alias for my boss' boss...my 2nd level manager)

ME: Um...dirty.

Boss: *laughs uncomfortably* Did you say 'dirty'?

ME: Yep.

Boss:......

ME: I hung up the phone, sat there for a bit feeling dirty and mildly used, then I went for the ice cream.  The ice cream didn't help, so now I'm planning a Silkwood Scrubdown in the shower in a little while.

Boss: *laughs uncomfortably again*  Um, this really isn't a good thing...the way you're feeling.

ME: Gee, you think?


 :w:
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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #113 on: January 24, 2012, 03:38:39 PM »

I am an SFTP administrator where I work, and we have an automated process that watches upload directories, and automatically moves files that customers upload to the appropriate directory on our Data Processing servers.

Sometimes this breaks, and the files won't get moved automatically, and require a restart of the services that handle this.

Anyway, this happened today.


Account Manager: Hey, I got an email notification that said that ABC Company uploaded a data file this morning, but Data Processing says they still haven't received it.

Me: Ah.  Let me check. 

Me: Yup.  Looks like the file is still on the SFTP server.  I'll see if things have broken in the automated file moving side... Yup.  There we go.

Account Manager: So it's there?

Me: It's running now.... okay, looks like it moved the file.  It should be fine now.

Account Manager: Cool.  Thanks!

Me: No problem.



[20 minutes later]


Data Processing: Hey, we still haven't received $file from ABC Company.  Can you check on that?

Me: :?

Me: Uh.  I just fixed that like 20 minutes ago.  Have you checked more recently than that?

Data Processing: OF COURSE I HAVE AND THE FILE IS NOT THERE I JUST CHECKED.

Me: *checks*

Me: Um. The file is on the Data Processing server.  It got moved there 20 minutes ago when I fixed this.

Data Processing: HURR NO IT DIDN'T IT WASN'T THERE WHEN I JUST CHECKED BUT NOW IT IS SO LET THAT BE A LESSON TO YOU.

Me:  :roll:
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