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Author Topic: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread  (Read 29199 times)

reimero

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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #25 on: February 15, 2011, 04:13:33 PM »

Demo, now I know you're embellishing.

Quote
Me: *logs in once it comes up*

You left out the part about getting a cup of coffee, watching a movie and reghosting 4 computers while waiting for it to come up.
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Demosthenes

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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #26 on: February 15, 2011, 04:25:12 PM »

True.

As a side note, I couldn't turn off Offline Files on this stupid computer either.  The user is always network-connected, has no need for this, and had complained about always having to wait for everything to synchronize every time he logs on or off.  So I went into Explorer.exe=>Tools=>Folder Options=>Offline Files, unchecked "Enable Offline Files", which should kill the synchronizing.  Right?

Wrong.  Stupid pile of crap continued to sync every time I logged on or off while troubleshooting this dumb Flash problem.  Even after a reboot.

I went back into the Offline Files options again and unchecked it AGAIN, and now it seems to have listened, but who knows.

Fact of the matter is, regardless of your login, if you're running Windows, you're clearly not in charge of your computer.
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pbsaurus

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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #27 on: February 15, 2011, 04:30:10 PM »

She was talking about your pre-parenthood experience, not you belly.

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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #28 on: February 15, 2011, 04:32:19 PM »

Still should have knocked her down.


DOWN!
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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #29 on: February 15, 2011, 04:37:37 PM »

Doobie down down down

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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #30 on: February 16, 2011, 12:23:44 AM »

Adobe should DIAF....

Yeah, I ran into Flash not properly updating several times.

Every now and then it simply will not update until you've nuked the old installation from orbit.

Doesn't help that the Specialized uninstaller program is buried in Adobe's site.
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12AX7

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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #31 on: February 16, 2011, 04:54:13 AM »

Any Adobe installation should be completely removed and replaced with Foxit.

Adobe sucks harder than a fiending crackhead.
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karmadillo

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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #32 on: February 16, 2011, 05:25:02 AM »

Seconded on the Foxit PDF reader - so much smaller and less intrusive that the Adobe Acrobat Reader.
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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #33 on: February 16, 2011, 12:03:22 PM »

Any Adobe installation should be completely removed and replaced with Foxit.

Yeah, I agree.  But this was a Flash installation.
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reimero

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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #34 on: February 16, 2011, 12:46:50 PM »

Yeah, I agree.  But this was a Flash installation.

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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #35 on: February 17, 2011, 12:04:27 PM »

Him: *describes problem that was happening last night, but isn't happening now*

Me: Okay?  :?

Him: JUST THOUGHT YOU SHOULD KNOW.

Me: Thanks, I guess?

Him: SO, WHEN WILL YOU GUYS GET A CHANCE TO LOOK AT IT?

Me: Considering that you didn't bother telling anyone when it happened, and everything's working fine now... I guess never?

Him: WHAT IF IT HAPPENS AGAIN?

Me: Maybe you should let us know when it's happening. Instead of waiting until the next day.

Him: I DON'T SEE HOW THAT HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH IT.

Me: Okay then.  Thanks!

Him: ...

Him: WELL SOMEONE NEEDS TO LOOK AT THIS.

Me: *looks at it*

Me: Yup.  Looks like it's working.  Thanks.  Talk to you later.

Him: ...

Him: WELL THIS ISN'T ANY HELP AT ALL.

Me: Yes!  I know exactly how you feel.  Have a good one.
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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #36 on: March 01, 2011, 12:23:00 PM »

Him: OMG I CAN'T GET TO ANY FOLDERS ON THE PDC SERVER!!!!!!

Me: Of course not.  It was powered down 20 minutes ago.  In fact, Eric and Charlie are probably in the process of pulling it off the rack and putting it into the storage room as we speak.

Him: BUT I NEED THE FILES FROM THAT SERVER!

Me: You... didn't copy the data you needed from it to the Departments server like the dozen or so emails warning of this advised?

Him: Where were we supposed to copy that stuff to?

Me: Each department had its own share on the Departments server.  I'm not sure where you guys were supposed to go, off the top of my head.  It was in all of the emails Charlie has been sending to department leaders for the past six weeks.

Him: BUT I NEED THOSE FILES!!!!!

Me: Well, put in a ticket stating which specific files/folders you need from the old server and once Charlie has time, I'm sure he'll still be able to power up the old PDC server and retrieve them.

Him: BUT I NEED THEM NOW.

Me: Well, you've had six weeks to get the things you needed off that server.  This isn't any kind of surprise to anyone.  We didn't keep it a secret.  In fact, Charlie sent out the last email to everyone a half hour before he shut it down this morning, saying "at 10:30 this morning we'll be pulling the plug on PDC, so anything you still have not moved by then will be inaccessible to ALL from that point on."

Him: BUT I NEED THEM NOW.

Me: I can't get them for you... the server's powered off, and it's in the other building, totally inaccessible at the moment.  You'll have to submit a ticket for it.

[15 minutes later]

Him: *submits ticket saying "Need to be able to transfer my files on my computer to the Departments share on $department_server."*

Me: *facepalm*
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MISTER MASSACRE

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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #37 on: March 01, 2011, 01:07:58 PM »

Me: You're a delicious-looking pepperoni stick. You're labeled "Hot." Are you really "Hot"? The last few weren't really "Hot."

Him: ...

Me: You make a good point, "Hot" pepperoni stick. I will eat you.

Him: ...

Me: HOLY JESUS THAT WAS ACCURATE

Him: ...

Me: I HAVE HICCUPS AND WILL BE DEAD SOON

Him: ...

Me: *HICCUP*
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Vespertine

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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #38 on: March 01, 2011, 04:58:54 PM »

HER: Rosati's Pizza, how can I help you?

ME: I'd like to place an order for delivery please.

...placing order stuff here....

HER: Will this be cash or credit?

ME: Credit.

HER: Go ahead with the card number whenever you're ready.

ME: Gives card number.

HER: Expiration date?

ME: June, 2012

HER: Oh, the card didn't run.  Can I get the number again?

ME: Gives card number.

HER: Expiration date?

ME: June, 2012

HER: Weird...it failed again.  Can we try it one more time?

ME: Sure.  Gives card number.

HER: Expiration date?

ME: June, 2012.

HER: Um, that's..........08, 2012.......right?

ME: (totally deadpan but DYING on the inside) Uh, no...June would be the SIXTH month of the year.

HER: OH!  It totally worked this time.

You guys have no idea how much I wanted to ask her if she needs help tying her shoes.  I immediately hung up with her and called, like, three different people to tell them all the story.  The scary and REALLY pathetic part is that this was about a month ago.  I called a few days ago and she did the EXACT SAME THING.
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pbsaurus

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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #39 on: March 01, 2011, 05:01:36 PM »

HECTAR!

Demosthenes

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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #40 on: March 01, 2011, 05:10:24 PM »

You guys have no idea how much I wanted to ask her if she needs help tying her shoes.  I immediately hung up with her and called, like, three different people to tell them all the story.  The scary and REALLY pathetic part is that this was about a month ago.  I called a few days ago and she did the EXACT SAME THING.


... and yet you trust her with your credit card number?

 :wink:


EDIT:
Upon further contemplation, it occurs to me that she's probably too stupid to be able to successfully do anything dishonest with it.
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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #41 on: March 01, 2011, 05:36:20 PM »

Detta: Ok so I'm typing an email using gmail and I don't know what happened (crap like this always happens on this laptop), but all of a sudden everything is GIGANTIC!!  But it's only in one tab.  The rest of them are regular.  I don't even know how to adjust the font size in Chrome since there are no menus on top.  Does anyone know anything?

Me: You probably accidentally rolled the mouse wheel (or whatever is the analog for that on your laptop) while pressing the CTL key. That's what does it for me.

Detta: Hey!!!  That fixed it!  Thanks!

Me: All in a day's work, ma'am.

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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #42 on: March 02, 2011, 12:45:37 AM »

Register.com: *ring ring* May I speak with William Merrifield?

Me: This is he.

Register.com: Hello, William, I am John from Register.com, and I see you signed up
for the five year plan on your last renewal. Would you like me to set that up for you?

Me: (a bit confused; I've never spoken with anyone about anything to do with my website or domain; all done online) Excuse me?

Register.com: I see you signed up for the five year plan on your last renewal.

Me: (knowing full well who Register.com is) Excuse me?

Register.com: William, I am John from Register.com

Me: I speak English. You mentioned renewal and -

Register.com: (interrupting) Yes, you were on the five year plan on your last renewal; can I set that up for you?

Me: First; you should state what you're renewing to people. I don't -

Register.com: (interrupting) Your domain name, "musichouse.biz".

Me: ....   I.... do   NOT like being interrupted. Also, I haven't spoken with any person about this previously, and have never
had someone call me to renew. If I renew; I will do it when I get online and am renewing things; I don't do that over the phone.

Register.com: Yes, well, I can go ahead and set that up for you right now -

Me: *click*

****two hours later****

Register.com:*ring ring* May I speak with William Merrifield?

Me:This is he.

Register.com: Hi, William, this is Samantha. Would you like me to renew your domain name?

Me: No. I already told you guys I don't do that over the phone. I -

Register.com: (interrupting) I can go ahead and set that up for you now, if you like, William.

Me: *click*

****two hours later****

Register.com:*ring ring*

Me: *looks at number; sees its Register.com again, silences phone*

****two hours later****

Register.com:*ring ring*

Me: *looks at number; sees its Register.com again, silences phone*

****two hours later****

Register.com:*ring ring*

Me: *looks at number; sees its Register.com again, silences phone*

****two hours later****

Register.com:*ring ring*

Me: *looks at number; sees its Register.com again, silences phone*

****two hours later****

Register.com:*ring ring*

Me: *looks at number; sees its Register.com again, silences phone*


***Next Day***


Register.com:*ring ring*

Me: *looks at number; sees its Register.com again, silences phone*

****two hours later****

Register.com:*ring ring*

Me: *looks at number; sees its Register.com again, silences phone*

****two hours later****

Register.com:*ring ring*

Me: *looks at number; sees its Register.com again, silences phone*

****two hours later****

Register.com:*ring ring*

Me: *looks at number; sees its Register.com again, silences phone*

****two hours later****

Register.com:*ring ring*

Me: *looks at number; sees its Register.com again, silences phone*

****two hours later****

Register.com:*ring ring*

Me: *looks at number; sees its Register.com again, silences phone*



***Next Day***


Register.com:*ring ring*

Me: *looks at number; sees its Register.com again, silences phone*

****two hours later****

Register.com:*ring ring*

Me: *looks at number; sees its Register.com again, silences phone*

****two hours later****

Register.com:*ring ring*

Me: *looks at number; sees its Register.com again, silences phone*

****two hours later****

Register.com:*ring ring*

Me: *looks at number; sees its Register.com again, silences phone*

****two hours later****

Register.com:*ring ring*

Me: *looks at number; sees its Register.com again, silences phone*

****two hours later****

Register.com:*ring ring*

Me: *looks at number; sees its Register.com again, silences phone*



***Next Day***


Register.com:*ring ring*

Me: *looks at number; sees its Register.com again, silences phone*

****two hours later****

Register.com:*ring ring*

Me: *looks at number; sees its Register.com again, silences phone*

****two hours later****

Register.com:*ring ring*

Me: *looks at number; sees its Register.com again, silences phone*

****two hours later****

Register.com:*ring ring*

Me: *looks at number; sees its Register.com again, silences phone*

****two hours later****

Register.com:*ring ring*

Me: *looks at number; sees its Register.com again, silences phone*

****two hours later****

Register.com:*ring ring*

Me: *looks at number; sees its Register.com again, silences phone*




(continues for TWO WEEKS)


***today***

Register.com: *ring ring*

Me: Hello?

Register.com: May I speak with William Merrifield?

Me:This is he.

Register.com: Hello, William, I am Charles from Register.com, and -

Me:(interrupting) YES, I KNOW AND IF YOU DON'T STOP BLOWING UP MY DAMN PHONE IM TAKING IT TO GODADDY. *click*

****two hours later****


...silence


****two hours later****


...silence


****two hours later****

...silence





 ....Maybe they got the message?



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reimero

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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #43 on: March 02, 2011, 08:09:18 AM »

****The next day****
*ring, ring* This is Fred from godaddy.com, I see you've got a domain registered with register.com.  Care to switch?
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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #44 on: April 25, 2011, 02:11:58 PM »

User: OMG I CAN'T GET TO THE INTRANET

Me: :? What happens when you try?

User: It just goes to MSN.com!

Me: W.T.F.?

Me: *remotes to User's workstation*

Me: Show me.

User: *launches Internet Explorer*

User: SEE!? It just goes to MSN!!!!

Me: ...

Me: That's because msn.com is the default homepage for Internet Explorer.  Type "intranet" in the address bar.

User: :?

User: OMG THAT WORKS.

Me: Yeaaaah.  Every time.

User: So when will you fix this?

Me: lol wut
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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #45 on: July 25, 2011, 08:58:02 AM »

User: I'm trying to get this Outlook voicemail plugin to work but it keeps telling me "authorization failed".

Me: Well, we sent out instructions last week for this.  Are you following the PDF we sent out?

User: Yes!  I even printed it out.

Me: Okay.  What step are you stuck on?

User: The step where it says "Type your user name in the 'Alias' field".

Me: Gotcha.  All right, I'm going to remote to your computer so I can see if anything else is going on.

Me: *remotes to User's computer*

Me: ...

Me:

User: What's so funny?

Me: Uh.  Where it says "Type your user name", it doesn't mean literally type the words "your user name". 

User: Then what should I type there?
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Min

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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #46 on: July 25, 2011, 10:13:51 AM »

You're making shit up.
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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #47 on: July 25, 2011, 10:32:27 AM »

I wish I were.

To make things worse, about 10 minutes after that, I overheard a coworker on the phone with A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT USER who had done the exact same thing.

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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #48 on: July 25, 2011, 10:40:42 AM »

You need to be more clear in your PDF files.
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Re: The Infamous "Me/Them" thread
« Reply #49 on: July 25, 2011, 11:02:25 AM »

We were just discussing that, actually.  Thing is, anything we've come up with as an alternate way of phrasing that step would still lead to the same result for the really dumb users.

At this point I'm torn between being overjoyed that users are actually paying attention to procedures we write, and saddened that they're too stupid to follow even the simplest steps in them.
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