I recently "discovered" Visual Novels which are "interactive fiction game featuring mostly static graphics, usually with anime-style art, or occasionally live-action stills or video footage" and often total shit. I thought it would be fun to review some on Youtube. I was wrong.

If you have any visual novels you'd like me to review, please post a comment in this thread. Or don't.

Let's Play Summer Bliss
Let's Play Summer Bliss REDUX

Was "Alucard" taken or something?

Dunno, I'll ask around.


HEY MAURY

MST3K will never die just so long as we hold Trumpy in our hearts.

Jaepheth can you do me a *small* favour and paint a really drunk-looking horse flailing around in the middle of the lake and add the phrase "Oh, and this goddamn drunk horse" to the poem below? tks

Probably just ride it once and then forget about it

Buy expensive umbrellas or repair flood damage, I suppose.

When this movie comes out for download I have intentions of MST3King it so if you just wait until then you can get both at once!

It might not be the new Conan the Barbarian movie, but it's a close second. Spoilers are probably the worst thing, so stop reading now if you don't like them.

I had the opportunity to pay money and sit in a theatre with my eyes open and watch Conan the Barbarian (2011) starring Khal Drogo, Hellboy, and what used to be Rose McGowan.

The movie's plot initially runs parallel to the original movie. Conan's stupid quaint little barbarian village is attacked by an evil warlord and his parents are amusingly killed; first his pregnant mother gets all stabbed during battle, leading Ron Perlman to thrust a gross baby aloft in the air and yell. Later, his village is attacked by the evil warlord once again, and this time Conan's dad gets totally covered in molten metal, which honestly was pretty metal.

Young Conan—better than all the other barbarians at running around with an intact quail egg in his mouth and decapitating people—is left alone in the world, and begins wandering around having adventures.

His adventures are stupid.

Let's say you're Conan and you want to free some slaves. Presumably you want the freed slaves to be alive.

Do you roll gigantic boulders down on the slavers' camp? Keep in mind the slaves are all chained together and weak and not really runners. Sounding like a bad plan, right? NOT IN THIS MOVIE! It all turns out okay since they were rolling slaver-seeking boulders and only slavers die and all the hot topless slaves want to fuck you! WICKED!

Eventually Conan gets wind of the people who killed his people killing other people. I should probably have mentioned the evil warlord Zym ("OF DOOOOOOOM") is searching for the last descendant of a necromancer's bloodline so he can activate his evil anus mask of Acheron. His sorceress daughter (Rose McGowan) who looks like what would happen if Lady Gaga had a baby with a Star Trek alien, wants to take her mother's place/her father's dong and does everything she can (running her metal claws on the ground) to help him find the mask.

Zym and his five-headed daughter find the monastery where the girl who holds the bloodline of the necrom oh jesus I can't do this anymore this movie is stupid and Conan is constantly throwing his sword into the ground and no one can even say his name right

CONCLUSION:

This movie is fun to make fun of with friends and doesn't really have anything to do with Conan.

I'd prefer it if you did that here!

Wouldn't that make God angry again? "Hey, I specifically Armageddoned you people! What's with the attempt at repopulation? You know I'm watching you, right? That I'm alwa—wow, she is flexible."

Maybe AllieOK is OK now and will come back?