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31 Jan 2003 - Stupid Server Error 5.0

The first email:
Subject: mp3 de guns n roses
mario andres (
Name: mario andres
Subject: mp3 de guns n roses
Message: hi im mario and i need with urgency the mp3 of guns n roses , thanks

The first reply:
Greetings, mario andres!
There seems to have been an error while processing your request to the mp3 server! The requested file, "mp3 de guns n roses" could not be found in the database and has made the server take a terrible tumble because of this fatal error. Our highly trained team of Skajaquda are currently probing through the wreckage for the black box so we can go through the logs and see just what went wrong. The possible reasons for this fatal error are as follows:

1. You did not enter in a valid song title.
2. You did not enter in a valid album title.
3. You did not enter any data at all.
4. The data that you did enter may have been wrong \(IE: your street address, date of birth, or social security number\)

If you wish to try again, do so at a later time when we might get the server back up and running from it's terrible demise. Until then, thank you for your request for the disposal of our insanely priced bandwidth, it is greatly appreciated and we take pride in what we do!

Once again we'd like to tha[An error occurred while processing this directive! Contact the head Skajaquda for further details and instructions!]

We hope this does not cause too much of an inconvenience, thank you for being patient in these dark hours!

The Skajaquda Team Leader, Loxly.
This message has been sent to you using the Stupid Server Error 5.0 program. For more information on this and other great products, point your browser to

31 Jan 2003 - Printing Made Easy

I have a printer. I have a printer that sits in my basement that's hooked up to a crappy computer that I refer to as the "print server", whiles others refer to it as their "portal to the internet". Either way, there's still a printer down there even if there isn't a printer server, or a portal to the internet. (I've been looking for a while for this 'portal' thing and still haven't found it. I've searched the wall and the floor and nothing.) This printer of mine has lately been naughty (That's also not why it's down in the basement for all of you with sick minds.) when it comes to printing simple things out, such as gay porn, porn, pictures of dead animals, and even text encrypted with satanic messages. They simply wouldn't print out right. I got enough money to go out to the local computer store (Which is about 25 minutes away - not quite local) and buy a brand new printer cartridge. "Great!", I thought, "Now I can print out all the satanic messages I want without hassle!".

No. It wasn't going to let me out that easy. Now I get inverted colors and messages from God through the printer. The inverted color thing was cool, but then when I started getting messages that seemed to be signed, "-God." that was the end of the line, I couldn't take it anymore.

Luckily for me the internet delivered just like it always does when looking for stuff like Britney Spears naked. I checked my email about an hour ago, and along with an email that read, "Chris! Increase your breast size up to 10%!" I found the email that changed my life. FINALLY something that I could use coming right to my very own email account! PRAISE ALLAH!


Print Studio Suite

Get it Today for 90% Off the Combined Retail Value!" TARGET="BLANK">AOL Link

12,000 Images +  1,000 Borders & Backgrounds
3D Font Maker  Amazing Calendar Maker
Business Card Maker  5000 Color Photos Deluxe
Greeting Card Magic  All Holidays Clip Art & Fonts
Photo Editor +  Stationary Maker with Wizard

A $250 Combined Retail Value for Only $19.95!

This offer is limited to stock on hand, so hurry before they're gone!" TARGET="BLANK">AOL Link

The software programs in this offer may not be on individual CD-ROMs. Our products are usually shipped in an attractive, sturdy plastic storage case instead of retail boxes or jewel cases. Product pictures shown are for display purposes only.

It's got everything. There are very few things that acknowledge Satan’s birthday, and this has it! Along with Christmas Trees and right up there with the Menorah it has a burning telephone pole to symbolize the birth of Satan almost 3000 years ago! WOW! WOW!! WOW!!!

After providing them with my Social Security Number, credit card information, and various other information that they needed before I could even enter their site, I was quickly on an order form for the Satan Print Server. After ordering it, I got about 10 confirmation emails stating that I would get it within 10 days - I got it in 3 days! Installation was easy, all you had to do is open the box, put it on your computer desk and it will do the rest for you. YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE TO OPEN YOUR CD ROM FOR THE PROGRAM TO LOAD!

If you're tired of dealing with printer ink, or any other stupid "print server" that claims it will let you share a printer to your sole and doesn't deliver, get the Print Studio Suite! You're family and Satan will thank you many times!

31 Jan 2003 - I Still Work For Money!

I must be a complete idiot to keep on working for money! Instead, I should work for Hershey Chocolate Kisses, this way; I have a lot of kisses to give out!

I hate going to work at 7 o'clock, and getting home at 7 o'clock that night. It's too long, and the traffic sucks. Do you know how much I get an hour? 7 dollars! That's it!!! 7 dollars an hour for working 12 hours a day. That's almost to the point of being insane. I want something that will increase my income, without doing a damn thing, not even breathing or letting an ab belt do the work for me.

PRAISE THE LORD! My prayers were answered when I got this email that said that I can put the internet to work for ME! What a great idea! I have the internet, I run this web site, I can make millions of dollars from this internet thing! Why not give it a try? What do I have to lose? I've got nothing!

Earn continuous residual income for the rest of your life!

We’ll help you do it!

It’s easy to turn the internet into your own 24/7 business and earn an executive’s salary!

Financial-freedom is only a click away!

Oh boy! Now does that sound good or what?! You would not believe this, but within seconds of replying to that email, I got 10 emails back from other random people offering me free phones, free money, and how to increase my penis size by 100 percent!

After about a week, I have made over 300 dollars, and have more than 525,600 minutes of free phone time to use in one month's time! Wow, I don't think that anyone else has that kind of free phone time in the world.

If you like big penises, lots of money, and tons of free phone time, THEN THIS IS FOR YOU!
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