Space exploration is an enemy of Islam and must be wiped out.

"Sun rises, Muslims worldwide outraged, demand apology. Ra unavailable for comment"

I keep one of these in my cube at work.

http://www.amazon.com/Summer-Fun-Cthulhu-Plush/dp/B000L6SFU0

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ytech_gadg/ytech_gadg_tc2844

"THE NEW IPHONE WORKS FINE UNLESS YOU TOUCH IT THEN IT DOESN'T WORK AT ALL WHO WANTS TO HELP CARRY THESE LARGE SACKS OF CASH TO MY LIMO?"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ipQsUlQmXc#noexternalembed&feature=player_embedded

They're really aiming for a narrow target audience with this ad. Also, why would an animal covered in fur shave?

Texas is the King Troll State.


Oh, wait, they're serious.

I, for one, encourage the Texas GOP to aggressively stick by their platform as defined in the article. Show those damn Godless heathens and sodomites that you won't tolerate any of that kind of debauchery in your fair state.  

And remain, forevermore, a permanent fringe minority party that will never hold any serious elected positions of power in this country ever again.

Yes, stick to your ridiculous platform and meanwhile the rest of country will sleep a little better at night knowing that you nutjobs will never hold power again.

Let's say you're on a boat. It's a cheap little powered speedboat, and you're drifting somewhat aimlessly with your dog in the middle of a pristine lake in Northern Ontario (for whatever reason). The sun is starting to set, and you're working through a case of beer slowly while absently casting lines. The sun is reflecting off the water beautifully, the mosquito are hours from coming out, and you've got a cheap little radio playing 80s country-rock in the background. Just a general Podunk good time.

After some time on the lake passes, you notice that your boat has been drifting closer to a houseboat with a small family aboard, having a few drinks of their own, barbecuing and just generally doing boat stuff. Your dog barks, and the passengers absently look off into your direction - one of them even waves to you, and you wave back.

Around this point, your long-ignored bladder steals your attention - you need to piss. Do you

(a) Face away from the houseboat, and pee into the lake

(b) Face away from the houseboat, and fill up an empty bottle,

(c) Lay as flat as you possibly can across the benches of your boat, grab your dick, and just star pissing all over yourself, creating massive arcs above you, letting your piss fall all over you, allowing your piss to collect in your clothes, in your fishing gear, in your dog's fur, in your fucking face, and at last pooling in the the boat under you, ending the display by smiling at the houseboat, waving, and then cast another line.

Sub-poll: If your answer is (c), please explain how you fucking came to that decision, because that fuck didn't explain shit.

I think I had some early symptoms of that about a year or two ago and a shot cleared it right up.

Shift change? TheJudge comes back now BizB gets time off?

WOOT

Probably not as many as Zombo will be getting...

I bet I could get free food there.

After a week of solid dieting with a 1500 calorie limit and a mix of alternating cardio\weight training days I'm pleased to announce the following major accomplishment:

June 1st: 187lbs
June 8th: 187lbs



I DIDN'T GAIN! Well, that's something, right?

June 13: 185lbs. Xolik, you're going to keep eating the Lean Cuisine crap and hitting the gym every day and you're going to LIKE IT, MISTER.

No it was an actual agenda.  Pretty funny too IIRC

Not the same, but similar:

8:00 a.m. Wake up. Wonder where you are.

8:01 a.m. Realize you are lying on 100 percent cotton sheets of at least a 300 count, so don't panic; you're not slumming.

8:02 a.m. Realize you are actually in your own bed for a change. Wake stranger next to you and tell them you are late for work so won't be able to cook breakfast for them. Mutter "sorry" as you help him look for his far-flung underwear. You find out that you tore his boxers while ripping them off him last night, so you "loan" him a pair of boxer-briefs, but not the new ones because you never intend to see him again.

8:05 a.m. Tell the stranger, whose name eludes you, "It was fun. I'll give you a call," as you usher him out the door, avoiding his egregious morning-breath.

8:06 a.m. Crumple and dispose of the piece of paper with his telephone number on it when you get to the kitchen.

8:07 a.m. Make a high protein breakfast while watching the Today show. Wonder if the stories you've heard about Matt Lauer are true. Decide they must be.

8:30 a.m. Italian or domestic? Decide to go with three-button Italian and the only shirt that is clean.

8:45 a.m. Climb into red Z4 and try not to look too much like Barbie driving one of her accessories as you pull out of your underground parking. Revos or Armanis? Go with Revos.

9:35 a.m. Stroll into office.

9:36 a.m. Close door to office and call best friend and laugh about the guy who spent the night at your condo. Point out something annoying about best friend's boyfriend but quickly add "It doesn't matter what everyone else thinks, just as long as you love him."

10:15 a.m. Leave office, telling your secretary you are "meeting with a client." Pretend not to notice her insubordinate roll of her eyes (or the cloying "poem" she has tacked to her cubicle wall).

10:30 a.m. Hair appointment for lowlights and cut. Purchase of Aveda anti-humectant pomade.

11:30 a.m. Run into personal trainer at gym. Pester him about getting you Human Growth Hormone. Spend 30 minutes talking to friends on your cell phone while using Hammer Strength machines, preparing a mental-matrix of which circuit parties everyone is going to and which are now passe.

12:00pm Tan. Schedule back-waxing in time for Saturday party where you know you will end up shirtless.

12:30 p.m. Pay trainer for anabolic steroids and schedule a workout. Shower, taking ten minutes to knot your tie while you check-out your best friend's boyfriend undress with the calculation of someone used to wearing a t-back and having dollars stuffed in their crotch.

1:00 p.m. Meet someone for whom you only know his waist, chest and penis size from AOL M4M chat for lunch at a hot, new restaurant. Because the maître d' recognizes you from a gay bar, you are whisked past the Christian heterosexual couples who have been waiting patiently for a table since 12:30.

2:30 p.m. "Dessert at your place." Find out, once again, people lie on AOL.

3:33 p.m. Assume complete control of the U.S., state, and local governments (in addition to other nations' governments); destroy all healthy Christian marriages; recruit all children grades Kindergarten through 12 into your amoral, filthy lifestyle; secure complete control of the media, starting with sitcoms; molest innocent children; give AIDS to as many people as you can; host a pornographic "art" exhibit at your local art museum; and turn people away from Jesus, causing them to burn forever in Hell.

4:10 p.m. Time permitting, bring about the general decline of Western Civilization and look like you are having way too much fun doing it.

4:30 p.m. Take a disco-nap to prevent facial wrinkles from the stress of world conquest and being so terribly witty.

6:00 p.m. Open a fabulous new bottle of Malbec.

6:47 P.M. Bake Ketamine for weekend. Test recipe.

7:00 P.M. Go to Abercrombie & Fitch and announce in a loud voice, "Over!"

7:40 P.M. Stop looking at the photographic displays at Abercrombie & Fitch and go to a cool store to begin shopping.

8:30 p.m. Light dinner with catty homosexual friends at a restaurant you will be "over" by the time it gets its first review in the local paper.

10:30 p.m. Cocktails at a debauched gay bar, trying to avoid alcoholic queens who can't navigate a crowd with a lit cigarette in one hand and a Stoli in a cheap plastic cup in the other. Make audible remark about how "trashy" people who still think smoking is acceptable are.

12:00 a.m. "Nightcap at your place." Find out that people lie in bars, too.

Yeah we wouldn't want to end up like Jesus

Hung?