ey everyone! ear me now, dis is da show! today i ave a well special guest who's in da house to tell us about why muslim people is assholes. please ear me now, dis is terrordonze to dat chair ova dere! Yeah!
first, is yous a muslim or an batty hole yourself?
TD: I was a Catholic, and then i reached the age of reason..... besides, Satan had a sweet deal going.
J: why do yous feel muslims is assholes?
TD: Dude, isn’t this about catholics? You said we could do a show about why catholics are assholes, not muslims. I mean, they’re assholes too, but I didn’t really prepare to talk about that. Catholics are hypocritical, stuck up, emotionally constipatred and rather ignorant....... just like 98% of the population, it's not a solely catholic thing, but most of them are anyways.
J: do yous beleive in Jackie Chan?
TD: Jackie Chan?? Weird Tingly Feeling??
Producer: *wispers* He means God. Jackie Chan = God
TD: OOOoooh! yes and no. i'm agnostic. essentially i believe in something-sentient or non sentient, generating the nessacary conditions for life to exist.
J: do yous beleive Jackie Chan is an batty hole and why?
TD: God.. Erm.. Jackie Chan.. Erm WHAT EVER DUDE!
TD: GOD capitalized, yes. look at the world. a merciful diety would of put us out of our misery by now, wouldn't he?
J: so yous feel da only way out of misery is genocide?
TD: no..... i believe extinction is a better option.
J: wot about drinkin diety pepsi?
TD: Erm… that won’t help.
J: do yous consida Hitla to be a diety and do yous pray to im every night?
TD: No, but if i'm not mistaken, hitler was raised by a catholic. might explain some things....
J: if da diety in question was goin to put out of our misery and wipe us out, wot would da diety do to keep busy afta we is gone?
TD: try again? might as well, an eternity is a long lifespan. besides, a diety is a personification of previously stated forces, is it not? Without believers, it would case to exist.
J: if da diety in question was goin to put out of our misery and wipe us out, wot would da diety do to keep busy afta we is gone?
TD: You asked that already.
J: i know dat
TD: Well… shouldn’t you ask something else?
J: youss pacifically say me should try again so i did. is dat to much to andle fa your little itla worshipin brain?
TD: But I said I don’t worship Hitler!
J: don't change da subject aight? let's just move on. wot about udda religions? do yous feel dat members of udda sects is all assholes as well?
TD: no. Bhuddists are cool, and most other non-fundamentalists are pretty awesome as well. it's just catholics as a group, those "holier-than-thou" types that think everyone is going to hell. not all catholics are like this, just about 99.999995% of them are.
J: ow do yous feel about da code of conduct form da muslim world? fings dig no riding the punanni before marriage and all dat. is there any of these rules dat yous is in agreement wiv?
TD: only the 'duh' ones, like not stealing, not cheating and crap like that. given the recent shenanigans of the priests, wouldn't you say they need to start following their own rules? *Has pre-marital sex with his girlfriend, masturbates on a crucifx, and hides a stack of hustler in a hollowed-out bible, and spray-paints "screw the religious right with a 36" dildo" on a nearby church* besides, look what the last catholic in office (a.k.a. dubya) has done so far.....
J: do yous think mr bush would be ave more success as a uman bein if he started to crack one off ova da crucifix?
TD: Dubya couldn't be a success as a human being at this point if he tried. even if he did spoo on a crucifix. Naked. In public. On national TV.
J: man! yous fantasises about bush gettin off in a crusifix naked in public on national tv? innit just not right geeza.
J: why does yous don't dig black people?
TD: What? I never said that! I just hate people.
so dat means yous don't dig black people thun dont it?
J: do yous tink we should associate a cola or a genda to da diety we worship, no matta who dat may be?
TD: Do what you will to your own manifestations, it's not my business unless you force it down my throat, in which case.... see that crucifix? yea, i'll cram it down your throat.
J: so to sum it all up, yous feel dat muslims is assholes coz they're average people. ow does one take an average group and turn them into somethin betta than da average. and if yous do dat, than isn't da new group (consitin of 99.99995r0of da population) goin to form a new average? so ow does dat resolve da issue thun? won't all muslims still be average? wot do yous propose we do to deal wiv da story?
TD: Ban religion, and a lot of these problems would be solved outright.
J: I hexpected dis aint gonna work.
aight yous all, dis is all da time we ave fa da show. next week i'll try to get someone a little bit lest fucked up to intarview. afta all, dis show is about respect! repect yous all!love yous!
peace out!
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