Topic: Rap All Wrapped Up (Read 3536 times)

Anonymous · « **on:** February 24, 2003, 04:03:08 PM »

http://www.gotthegeek.com/images/mchammer.jpg" border="0" alt="">

You Can't Touch This!

There are many faces of music, they come in all shapes, sizes, colors, and many different voices. Every type of music fits into one of about, 1,497 categories, which include, and are not limited to:

Rock:
This is the type of music where all the "rich white boys" show off their leather pants and their expensive guitars. Such bands that fit into the "Rock" category include Aerosmith, Van Halen, Korn, and not the Blue Man Group.

Rap:
This is the type of music (It's really more like 'poetry' to its writers, but I'll call it music) where the artist (AKA: 'poet') sings (AKA: 'writes') about smoking weed everyday, lots of mad bitches and disgruntled hoes, and killing your neighbors because you got bored one day. Groups, singers, and poets that are included in this group are DMX, Jay Z, 50 Cent, Eminem, Ja Rule, Nas, Nelly, Project Pat, Sisqo, Will Smith, Dr. Dre, Snoop Dog, GZA, MOP, Three Six Mafia, and basically any other group of letters or random words you can think of.

Punk:
This is the type of music where the artist gets to bitch about how they have the hardest life out of anyone else in the entire world. Whether it be from "grl prblems" to not being free from other people, they all have some problem that must be fixed or someone is going to have hell to pay. Bands in this group include SR-71, Blink 182 (However, many people think that Blink 182 isn't punk, but I don't care. Shut up.), and quite possibly The Used.

http://www.gotthegeek.com/images/rave.jpg" border="0" alt="">
Not much unlike real-life Raves, which play mostly techno music. All they need are some drugs.
Techno:
This is the type of music where the artists can be mute and still get away with being called a "singer" or "composer of music". If you've ever heard techno music, you'll know what I'm talking about. Most techno music has no words what-so-ever. There will, however, be some quotes from famous movies, some high-pitches noises, and random sound effects that the composer recorded while walking through a New York City Subway drunk one night and just happened to have a tape recorder with him or her.

Now those are only a few of the 1,497 categories of music, but those few are also the 4 common types in today's society. The other 1,493 types are just drums and other tribal noises of people yelling.

As you probably noticed by reading the "Rap" section, there are many artists that were named. That's because there are as many rappers as there are Chins in a Chinese phone book, and just about any combination of keys on your keyboard will turn out to be a rapper. We all know we haven't heard about half of the rappers out there. And now, there's a new one to add to that rap category. http://www.gotthegeek.com/newspro/static/view.php?file=madbitches.txt">Lacerda.

http://www.gotthegeek.com/newspro/static/view.php?file=madbitches.txt">Lacerda decided to start up his own recording venture a few weeks ago by writing his very own hit single "http://www.gotthegeek.com/newspro/static/view.php?file=madbitches.txt">Mad Bitches, Disgruntled Hoes" and was released right here on http://www.gotthegeek.com">The Geekery a short while ago.

http://www.gotthegeek.com/newspro/static/view.php?file=madbitches.txt">Lacerda is well on his way to success in the rap industry, I can tell you that. However, there are some pointers that I believe I can provide him with to set him on his way to rap domination and settle to score for good with Dr. Dre, because we all know that for some reason http://www.gotthegeek.com/newspro/static/view.php?file=madbitches.txt">Lacerda has a beef with Dre.

http://www.gotthegeek.com/images/thug2.jpg" border="0" alt="">
You might be able to get by with something like this on the streets of Canada.
First on the list is style. Style is everything in the rap community. No gangster, thug, or even hoodlum for that matter will take you seriously if you're wearing a bright orange "I Play D&D" shirt. The color is right, but the slogan is liable to get you shot while rocking the shirt on the streets. Either throw it out, or get a new orange shirt that says something like, "I smoke weed everyday" or, "I put a cap in yo' momma's ass". Something along those lines should suffice, and you could then rock the bright orange in style on the streets without having to worry about being shot, or even worse, taunted by some 23-year-old male that dropped out of school in 10th grade and only knows that your shirt doesn't say something offensive on it.

Second, the big words must go. I mean, what hoodlum is going to know what "equivalent" means? Maybe one out of 1,000,000 thugs will know that one gram of good crack is "equivalent" to four ounces of not-so-good crack. I was going to say that most thugs wouldn't know what the word "crop" means, but I quickly realized that of course they'll know what that word is. I mean, after all, every thug has to grow his own stash of weed at home, thus meaning he has a crop of weed to harvest.

Last, it's imperative for rap to have something about killing people. What good is rap without the hint of killing someone? Maybe a line or two that states putting caps into people, or a line about "burying your ass in nothing but your bitch's bloody rag" and then "counting the holes in your mother fucking chest". For some reason it's the cool thing to do. It even works in your favour because then you get all the publicity from the media, and then you get to deny that you promote killing people, or smoking weed everyday, and then sue people for insane amounts of money because they pulled one of your commercials because the fact that you pretend to support killing people.

Those are the first tips off of the top of my head. I'm sure the rest of the hoodlums that will read this will have some more hints and secrets for you to use. After all, they are the hardasses that use Hard Ass Talk Maker 2000 when talking to their friends online, so they must be able to provide you with some helpful insight to improve your rankings in the rap community, http://www.gotthegeek.com/newspro/static/view.php?file=madbitches.txt">Lacerda.

MISTER MASSACRE · « **Reply #1 on:** February 26, 2003, 12:10:36 PM »

That shirt is red. Red like the blood of lesser rappers!

Binoboy · « **Reply #2 on:** February 26, 2003, 09:06:37 PM »

Yeah, only emoboys where nonoffensive slogan shirts. *looks at own shirt*
G-DDAMMIT!

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Author Topic: Rap All Wrapped Up (Read 3536 times)

Anonymous

Rap All Wrapped Up

MISTER MASSACRE

Rap All Wrapped Up

Binoboy

Rap All Wrapped Up