Topic: Part III: Hostile Holidays (Read 4390 times)

Anonymous · « **on:** December 03, 2003, 03:59:13 PM »

I went to the mall last weekend. I wasn’t going there to shop. I was conducting a study. You see, I’ve been observing people at the mall and then I grouped them into categories. I would like to share my findings with you:

http://www.gotthegeek.com/images/Know_what_you_want.jpg" alt"" border="0">

The “I know what I want”

The “I know what I want” shopper: This type of shopper is what everyone should aspire to be and is usually male, but not always. He knows exactly what he wants and where to get it before he even enters the mall. He’ll just show up, walk in, march to the target location, pick up the item and walk out. It’s a done deal. It’s simple, easy and efficient.

http://www.gotthegeek.com/images/excited.jpg" alt"" border="0">

The “Over emotional”

The “Over emotional” shopper: This has to be a gender thing. These women stop in front of every shop, look trough the glass and scream “Ooooooooooooh!!! That’s so cute!!!” Then they move on to the next shop. They don’t even bother entering the store to examine the trinket! No sir! They just state to the world out loud that they are absolutely fascinated by a specific item, and then they dismiss it completely and move on to the next. These are the kind of people that will suddenly stop in front of you because something caught their eye. You on the other hand have to leap out of the way, or trip and fall, or bump into them because the over emotional types failed to realise that there are other people walking behind. I hate it when that happens. I almost smacked a lady behind the head once.

http://www.gotthegeek.com/images/grabber.jpg" alt"" border="0">

The “Spontaneous grabber”

The “spontaneous grabber”: This applies to both genders. They come to the mall with the mission of getting a gift for someone but have no clue what they want to get. They’ll walk by, see something shiny, stop, look at it, and run for it! They’ll grab the thing so darn fast, head to the cash saying “Hey! This will make a great gift!” They buy the item and leave. Unless they have to get gifts for someone else. Then they’ll continue shopping. But you have to wonder just how much thought these people put into gifts… Yeah… That’s what Christmas is about. Great going!

http://www.gotthegeek.com/images/choice.jpg" alt"" border="0">

The “Undecided”

The “Undecided” shopper: Again, this goes for both genders, but mostly women. It’s more of a personality trait than anything else. A word of advice, don’t go shopping with these folks. It’s an all day activity. If they want to buy a t-shirt, they’ll go to every single store that sells them. They’ll look at the entire inventory, making mental notes of where the good items are. After completing all the shops, they’ll go back from the mental list and head to the “potentials”. They’ll do this loop over and over and over until they’ve eliminated all but one. Then they may just change their mind about the gift idea and not buy the friggin t-shirt. Meanwhile, you can see the husband hanging around. He’s sitting down, he’s standing, he’s going in circles, he’s leaning on a bench, he’s checking out the clerks, and he’s growing very very impatient. But he won’t say a thing. He’ll just stand there and wait.

http://www.gotthegeek.com/images/magnify.jpg" alt"" border="0">

The “pick up and bitch”

The “pick up and bitch” shopper: These people normally know what they are looking for. And when they find it, they’ll try to find a reason for them not to buy it. They’ll look for fabric defects, for scratches, for missing or broken accessories, etc. And when they’ll find a defect, they loudly comment “Feh! I’m not buying this crap! It’s broken! You think you could get some decent products for your money but noooooo! They try to sell you crap here!” They make a small scene and move next door to repeat the process. When they do find something adequate, they’ll take it home and examine it even closer there. They’ll often return items because they noticed something odd when putting the item under a microscope.

http://www.gotthegeek.com/images/bargain.jpg" alt"" border="0">

The “Bargain hunters”

The “Bargain hunters”: This applies to all genders. These people will prepare in advance. They’ll look at all the flyers and sales. They’ll plan a route and they’ll map it out. They get to the stores before they open. They wait… Ready to sprint into action as soon as the doors unlocks. And if you are in the way, they’ll walk all over you like a cheap Mexican whore and they won’t look back. They’ll rip things out of your hands. They become animal like and they are fuelled by an energy very similar to rage. Sometimes, they’ll use the tactics of the pick up and bitch shopper in order to get a discount on “defective” items. Sometimes, they’ll even roam in packs and coordinate their operations.

There’s a few more shopper type. Let’s leave those open for discussion. My point is that you should really stop and look around next time you are at the mall. This is the best time of the year too observe the whackos in their natural habitat. It is quite fascinating!

Demosthenes · « **Reply #1 on:** December 03, 2003, 04:05:27 PM »

And then there's the category that I fall into:

The "I fucking hate shopping, so I get whatever I can online and see if I can't sucker someone else into going to the store to pick up the few things I can't find on the web" shopper.

ender_wiggin · « **Reply #2 on:** December 08, 2003, 11:20:42 PM »

don't forget the "apoplectic with rage when they see someone else take the last of whatever they were looking for shopper" my grandma is one of those...she's kinda scary when she's like that (shudders)...

Mr.Individual II · « **Reply #3 on:** December 14, 2003, 05:53:01 PM »

you forgot the "I'll go shopping but I'll bitch about the store layout the whole time" shopper.

this type of shopper shares characteristics with the "Undecided" and "pick up and bitch" shoppers, as well as posessing some of it's own. They walk into a store not knowing what they want, generally going for the cheapest thing that looks expensive. The thing is, though it's right in front of them, they'll walk the area of the store complaining about how they cannot find a thing, walk back to the front of the store, and pick up the thing they were standing right in front of all of 2 hours ago. This is not a gender specific trait, though if you find a real woman bitcher it's best to stay out of the way.

Leonidas · « **Reply #4 on:** December 15, 2003, 08:40:10 AM »

I probably fall under the "Shopping is not complete until I get a [book, DVD, video game]." My friends and I are crazy like that, it's almost out of habit now. Sort of a shopping ritual.

ender_wiggin · « **Reply #5 on:** December 17, 2003, 03:07:41 AM »

Quote from: Mr.Individual II

you forgot the "I'll go shopping but I'll bitch about the store layout the whole time" shopper.

this type of shopper shares characteristics with the "Undecided" and "pick up and bitch" shoppers, as well as posessing some of it's own. They walk into a store not knowing what they want, generally going for the cheapest thing that looks expensive. The thing is, though it's right in front of them, they'll walk the area of the store complaining about how they cannot find a thing, walk back to the front of the store, and pick up the thing they were standing right in front of all of 2 hours ago. This is not a gender specific trait, though if you find a real woman bitcher it's best to stay out of the way.

I hate them...working in any retail puts you through consumer hell, and the "I'll go shopping but I'll bitch about the store layout the whole time" people are carrying the pitchforks...

MISTER MASSACRE · « **Reply #6 on:** December 17, 2003, 02:00:13 PM »

I hate retail. I hate it so very much. So very much. If I can somehow avoid it, I will never work in retail again. Ever.

Leonidas · « **Reply #7 on:** December 17, 2003, 07:33:43 PM »

Don't I know it.

Quote from: Lacerda at ******Network a while back...

Retail. The very word sends shudders down many an otherwise stout & courageous person's spine, much like the electrical currents from a taser. However, unlike the simple joy shooting someone with a taser can bring, the retail experience is a leaden, barren wasteland of horribly wasted potential, mindless banality, and excessive stupidity.

If you've ever worked in retail, you've probably already noticed the signs: the bitterness, the sarcasm, the subtle twitch when confronted with yet another idiotic question. The never-ending drone of a customer's squealy voice throwing you awake from a sweat-sheened slumber. These things stay with you for a lifetime, a living nightmare of the filthy and undesirable side of commerce constantly screaming through your tired brain, inflaming primordial angers best left undisturbed. The belly of the beast of horror, floating above your face, 24/7. AND IT'S ON SPECIAL.

What can be done about this sickening bacchanalian orgy of twisted mass consumerism and lack of manners?

The short answer: nothing.

The long answer: KILL ALL HU-MANS! LET THEM WADE WAIST-DEEP IN THE BLOOD OF THEIR PREDECESSORS AS I SHOOT THEM IN THE HEAD WITH MY MULTI-KILL RAY! HA HA HA! FOOLISH BAUBLES OF SENTIENCE! TODAY IS YOUR JUDGEMENT DAY, AND I JUDGE YOU TO BE "SHOOT-ABLE"!

Oh, wait, that makes me sound like one of those "shooting spree from the water tower" people.

Look, to be fair, I've had like 10 hours of sleep in the past three days, I think one of my coworkers may have been sent by the government on a top secret mission to drive me insane, and customers keep wanting...wanting...to...BUY THINGS! Christ almighty, but it's horrible!

Why does the retail experience have to be so utterly mind-numbing and soul crushing? Is there any reason that you, as a customer, cannot show some kind of courtesy and common sense when dealing with that poor indentured freak trapped behind the shiny plastic counter of unhappiness? Why must you ask dumb questions and then not listen to the answers? Why must you act snarky and rude to the person who's just doing their crappy job? WHY MUST YOU PAY IN CHANGE? Sweet bacon, why do you pay only in change? Do you think I want to count out $31.45 in nickels and dimes? What the hell is wrong with you?

Do you ever stab hospital patients in the feet? You're just making things worse! Stop it!

When I am king, you will be first against the wall.

Feel free to snip this article if necessary. I didn't want to because I like it so much.

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Author Topic: Part III: Hostile Holidays (Read 4390 times)

Anonymous

Part III: Hostile Holidays

Demosthenes

Part III: Hostile Holidays

ender_wiggin

Part III: Hostile Holidays

Mr.Individual II

Part III: Hostile Holidays

Leonidas

Part III: Hostile Holidays

ender_wiggin

Part III: Hostile Holidays

MISTER MASSACRE

Part III: Hostile Holidays

Leonidas

Part III: Hostile Holidays