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Submitted byTheJudgeWow, the front page needs more updates! I rather enjoy the sight of A GODDAMN SMOKING PINEAPPLE as soon as I hit gotthegeek.com, but the truth is that like so many before me, I’ve been neglecting my duties as a content provider to this place.
I don’t’ like to write for the sake of writing. I want to write because I want to say something. Well sometimes… Well… today anyway. Religion in general is a topic I find interesting so I’m going to write about that. This whole article is something I wanted to put together since I was forced to attend a marriage preparation course. The big day is coming fast! I would like to share with you my spiritual journey from the day I was born up to today, then I’ll anxiously wait for Demosthenes to reply “Define this God you’re talking about”! hehe! I hope this article will answer that question.
Background… I’m from a catholic family who, like many other catholic families of today, only go to church for Easter and Christmas. But it wasn’t always like that. When I was born, I was baptized and formally introduced to the catholic religion. Of course, it’s a decision that was made on my behalf. All I had to do was hold still while some old dude wearing white cleric vestments sprayed my forehead with holly water. As I grew up, I learned more about this God I was now officially worshipping. In elementary school, we had a religion class that would tell us fascinating tales about the life of Jesus and the wonderful lessons he taught to a desperate society. I learned about the great feats he performed! Heck, I wanted to know how Jesus pulled off the whole walking on water thing! Back then, I was living near a river where the kids of the neighborhood would often go and swim. I wanted to walk on water too! I was convinced that if I believed in Jesus hard enough, I could be like him and do the things he did. He would grant me those powers!
Kids are stupid aren’t they? But you can’t blame them. Kids are very creative but not always very rational. Parents however, have a huge responsibility when it comes to the spirituality of their kids. Unfortunately, they just miss the point completely in my opinion. Parents often teach their children about what they believe in without allowing the child to make his own choice and ultimately have his own belief about something. So, to get back to my spiritual evolution, I was given no options as to my religious beliefs. The early years of my life were spent on educating me about wonderful catholic religion. See, at this point in my short life, I didn’t even know there were other options. I was just told the story of Jesus (The Catholic version of the story to be more precise). No one ever told me about Allah or Buddha, or even about different interpretations of the story of Jesus.
The very few times I asked questions about my religion, I didn’t get the proper answers. Let me give you an example: When you’re in church, during the ceremony there are many rituals that occur. Sometimes you stand, sometimes you sit, sometimes you get on your knees, sometimes you repeat a series of words or prayers, sometimes you hear bells and see specific actions performed by the priest, etc. The whole ceremony process can be quite confusing for a child. I remember turning to my parents for guidance because I didn’t understand those rituals. “How do I know when to get up and when to sit down? I don’t know what to say when everyone else replies to the priest. What are they saying? Why are some people doing this gesture but not others?” My young inquisitive mind was in its prime! My memory wasn’t. I was told “Just look at what others do, and do the same thing”. So, like a good boy, I complied. When people stood up, I followed. When people replied as a group, I studied the words they used and eventually managed to repeat them myself without really understanding what the hell I was saying.
At this point in time, I was a church once in a while. Not every Sunday, but once in a while. My father and brother played music for the church every Sunday so I would sometimes tag along. But I didn’t really like. Now that I look back on it, I didn’t enjoy going to church because I didn’t understand anything that was going on in there. I was just a robot mimicking everyone else.
When I was about to give up on the whole thing, I decided I should hang in there a little longer. You see, there was a reward to be had. Soon, I too would be allowed to eat the little white circular Styrofoam thingy! Then, I would become a man! Maybe then I would gain Jesus’ powers walk on water too! It turned out that the heavenly flavor burst I was expecting turned out to be nothing more than the taste of cardboard. And it didn’t help me in my quest to walk on water either.
Now let me think… at this point I’m probably around 9 years old. I learned that Jesus is great. That I should love my enemies, I should be generous, that Jesus is everywhere and that if I don’t play by his rule, I’ll go to hell and I’ll burn alive. Oh, and he forgives everyone and anyone that asks for forgiveness no matter who they are or what they did. I felt pretty relieved by that last one. If I ever fuck up, all I have to do is ask for forgiveness and I won’t go to hell. Got it!
God is the creator of all things and he is our father. He controls our lives. Therefore, it’s only logical to assume I have no control over my own life. So there I was one day, riding my bike to school. I was maybe 10 or so and took a short cut in the woods. My front wheel hit a tree root and I lost balance. I fell and smacked my nuts against the metal bar of the bike, then fell to the ground. “God dammed! Why did you make me fall of my bike you bastard! I hate you!” Oooooh…. I was mad! Jesus had tricked me into losing balance and hurting myself. Or was it his dad… It was all very confusing, but it was definitely the fault of God or Jesus. Perhaps both. Maybe they were laughing their asses off while I was crawling out of the woods.
Kids are stupid aren’t they?
After a while, I calmed down and really felt bad for telling God to eat shit. But I remembered the teachings! “Ask for forgiveness and you shall receive it”. So I did. But then, I started to be paranoid. You see, religion operates on fear. The concept of hell, a place where there’s eternal suffering and your worse nightmares come to life, can be an effective motivator, especially for a confused child. I was worried. Did God really forgive me? What if he didn’t? I don’t want to go to hell! HELP!!! So I’ve asked for forgiveness multiple times a day, for a long time: Weeks and perhaps even months until I felt confident that I could do nothing more.
To be continued…
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