Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[cvWeils]

• 2012 Concert Thread by cvWeils
  [Today at 10:42:43 AM]
• ?????????? ??????? ????? ... by Bogdaneqd
  [Yesterday at 10:30:09 AM]
• ??????????? ? ????????? by Bogdaneqd
  [Yesterday at 06:46:38 AM]
• ??????? ??????????? by Bogdaneqd
  [April 30, 2024, 11:24:27 PM]
• ???? ??? ??????? 2024 by Vikiuxd
  [April 30, 2024, 07:44:39 PM]
• ??????? ?????? 90?90 by Bogdaneqd
  [April 30, 2024, 07:39:20 PM]

Members

• Total Members: 4946
• Latest: agrohimefx

Stats

• Total Posts: 129595
• Total Topics: 7172
• Online Today: 77
• Online Ever: 1013
• (January 12, 2023, 01:18:11 AM)

[xolik]

I need advice. I went and got myself into a load of trouble and have no idea what to do. I've been with ping ping for almost six years now. First two were great, the rest falling into a rut. Last year on a trip to Vegas I met another guy that I've been friends with since. However, we've both developed feelings for each other. Which is not good. Ping knows about this too, and says he wants me to stay with him. When I'm with Lopeka, everything feels so new and exciting. He's sweet and kind and is up for just about anything. Ping and I are in a total rut. We hardly do anything together anymore, he spends the night watching tv while I'm upstaris on the computer.

Well, today, ping calls me and knows that I've been talking to Lopeka because I always get this sad type of tone in my voice due to my missing him. He then tells me, "if you miss him so much, go to him. I'm tired of fighting for you. You want to be free, I'll let you go. Go on. Go to him."

So basically he just broke up with me. I don't want to lose ping and I didn't want to hurt Lopeka who has professed his love for me as well. But what can I do? Lopeka is in another state and I can't just up and leave my job and move out of CA to be with a guy I don't know all that well. But on the other hand my relationship with ping ping has been more of that of roommates rather than as lovers. I don't want to lose him, either, as he's been such a big part of my life.

I do love Lopeka and I have such a good time when I'm with him. This sucks. I'm an emotional wreck right now so I figure the best thing to do is post about it on THE INTERNET.

Only reason why I'm posting this here instead of other places is because the people on this board know me better and are more level headed.

[Demosthenes]

I can't give advice on such things.  I'm a fuckup.  Seriously.

I can give an example of how I fucked up, and you can take from it what you wish, however.

I was involved with someone very passionately, very seriously, and naively selflessly for about a year and a half.  Problem: at the time, I was active duty in the military, and had to live where I was stationed.  She had an established career and a good job she didn't want to leave, and lived about a 7-hour drive away.

We could never, ever be together enough.  It sucked so bad having to sometimes go months apart because of our distance and respective jobs.

When things changed, and I re-entered civilian life, there was no reason I couldn't move, so we moved in together.

That lasted less than 6 months before we fell completely apart.

I know, I wasn't leaving anything behind or sacrificing anything when I moved to be with her... but that's not my point.  Most of the time if a relationship is hot and heavy and exciting and great as a long-distance relationship, it will sour quite quickly when you start living together.

Your mileage may vary.

[BizB]

The 3 time divorcee is going to pass on giving relationship advice.

[xolik]

I know, I wasn't leaving anything behind or sacrificing anything when I moved to be with her... but that's not my point.  Most of the time if a relationship is hot and heavy and exciting and great as a long-distance relationship, it will sour quite quickly when you start living together.

Your mileage may vary.

Not by much. About a year and half after living together, things kinda just fizzled.  I'm afraid of exactly what you said will happen with me and Lopeka and I'm also thinking that I'm only still with Ping because of the comfort factor. That I've settled. Tonight is not going to be fun. 

[pbsaurus]

I've been married to the same person for 17 years, one month, one day, and about 2.5 hours.  We've gone through some tough times, but we worked on it and are still together.  We grew with each other and both put effort into the relationship.  My advice to you is to go with your heart, deep down you'll know the right choice.  I left my old girlfriend for my later wife, because I just knew that my current girlfriend and I would never work out.

If you bolt, it could pay off like my relationship.  If you stay, I'd suggest you seek out a good MFCC and both of you seriously put some effort into it; it could pay off like my relationship.

[Demosthenes]

Pb speaks true.  Do what your heart tells you is right, and it's probably right, even not having any way of knowing what's to come.

Good luck man.  That stuff's never easy.   For what little it's worth, we're thinking of you though. 

[pbsaurus]

We love ya mayun!

[Anyanka_was_framed]

  I'm sorry. I know I haven't been here long and don't know you very well....I'm with pbsaurus on this one.

My advice to you is to go with your heart, deep down you'll know the right choice. 

If you bolt, it could pay off like my relationship.  If you stay, I'd suggest you seek out a good MFCC and both of you seriously put some effort into it; it could pay off like my relationship.

I hope that whatever you decide, everything works out.

[xolik]

Thanks so much. 

[Big Orange Cat]

To a certain extent, I identify with you, xolik. I was still married to my first husband when my now second husband came along. The first relationship seemed to be running its course when #2 came into the picture, but #1 and I still had a strong friendship that kept us from moving on. It was the most difficult decision I have probably ever made in life. I gave up a lot to be with #2, including the friendship with #1, which was very painful. But five and a half years later, it was also the best decision I've ever made.

Like the wise folks above, I say go with what's in your heart. Good luck to you. 

[Scheherazade]

As an almost-17-year-old, I might not seem like an expert on relationship advice...but I hope you won't completely disregard what I have to say due to my age. I've seen a lot.

If you're not happy, then you're not happy. There isn't much to it. You have to decide whether you're going to keep yourself tethered in unhappy situations to spare someone else's feeling or if you're going to be happy and risk hurting someone else (when you're hurting that someone anyway). You don't live forever. Do what makes you happy.

[tweek]

If you're not happy, then you're not happy. There isn't much to it. You have to decide whether you're going to keep yourself tethered in unhappy situations to spare someone else's feeling or if you're going to be happy and risk hurting someone else (when you're hurting that someone anyway). You don't live forever. Do what makes you happy.

Cheers to that. 

[hackess]

I too should not be giving relationship advice (ask Demo, Detta, Law, or even BOC).

But like you, xol, I was in a very comfortable relationship that was in a rut for most of its existence. I left that five-year relationship for someone almost the exact opposite of my ex, but once I stopped fighting it and realized Josh was everything I wanted and more, I had no choice. I followed my heart.

Good luck. :hug:

[TheJudge]

Man, being a sex bomb is hard!

My 2 cents: It's pretty much normal for relationships to go stale in the long run. The challenge in maintaining a long term relationship is to break the routine once in a while, to be spontanous and not predictable all the time. It's only normal that some kind of routine will eventually take over your lives. You wake up, read your paper, have breakfast on the run, work your ass off all day, come home and being totally beat so you figure you "deserve" a few hours on the computer, or on the tv. And you end up spending the night there. On the weekends, when you have more time, then the house chores kick in so you do that instead. This goes on for weeks and months until you start feeling like roomates. Well guess what, it's to b expected if that's how you live your life. It doesn't mean the love and excitement you both once felt is dead. It means you gotta unplug and shatter the routine. Forget the world and get in a hot tub with some oils and shit.  Do an activity where you can focus on each other and nothing else. Just once in a while. Have a conversation!

Sure, it's interesting to have the new guy around. But if you leave ping ping for him, what makes you think you'll be any further ahead in 6 years? Will you face the same situation, make the same mistakes? Maybe, maybe not. I don't know. All I'm saying is that before you call it quits, look at what you've actually both done in the last year to make things work. If you didn't really do anything in the end, maybe it's time to act now. And maybe it won't work out after all. It happens. The world won't stop revolving. I say cheer up first and foremost. Sit down with ping ping and discuss. HE says he's tired of fighting for you? What has he done exactly? And how was that relevent to the problem you are having? Do you even know what your problem is to begin with? Talk it over, share. Don't get upset and accept to hear things you may not agree with or like, and don't always be on the defensive. Just because something isn't important for you doesn't mean you get to dismiss it. If it's important for the person you are with, then it should matter to you, even if you don' t really understand it.

In the end, do what you feel is right. People will get hurt either way. They'll get over it.

[Crystalmonkey]

Man, being a sex bomb is hard!

My 2 cents: It's pretty much normal for relationships to go stale in the long run. The challenge in maintaining a long term relationship is to break the routine once in a while, to be spontanous and not predictable all the time. It's only normal that some kind of routine will eventually take over your lives. You wake up, read your paper, have breakfast on the run, work your ass off all day, come home and being totally beat so you figure you "deserve" a few hours on the computer, or on the tv. And you end up spending the night there. On the weekends, when you have more time, then the house chores kick in so you do that instead. This goes on for weeks and months until you start feeling like roomates. Well guess what, it's to b expected if that's how you live your life. It doesn't mean the love and excitement you both once felt is dead. It means you gotta unplug and shatter the routine. Forget the world and get in a hot tub with some oils and shit.  Do an activity where you can focus on each other and nothing else. Just once in a while. Have a conversation!

Sure, it's interesting to have the new guy around. But if you leave ping ping for him, what makes you think you'll be any further ahead in 6 years? Will you face the same situation, make the same mistakes? Maybe, maybe not. I don't know. All I'm saying is that before you call it quits, look at what you've actually both done in the last year to make things work. If you didn't really do anything in the end, maybe it's time to act now. And maybe it won't work out after all. It happens. The world won't stop revolving. I say cheer up first and foremost. Sit down with ping ping and discuss. HE says he's tired of fighting for you? What has he done exactly? And how was that relevent to the problem you are having? Do you even know what your problem is to begin with? Talk it over, share. Don't get upset and accept to hear things you may not agree with or like, and don't always be on the defensive. Just because something isn't important for you doesn't mean you get to dismiss it. If it's important for the person you are with, then it should matter to you, even if you don' t really understand it.

In the end, do what you feel is right. People will get hurt either way. They'll get over it.

Teh Judgie, always the voice of reason.

Otherwise, I don't have anywhere near the experience to help with this, though I always hear that communication is the key...

[xolik]

Good advice Judge. This is exactly why I posted it here.