Topic: Joke of the day (Read 32869 times)

Banshee · « **Reply #25 on:** February 16, 2003, 03:23:40 PM »

Wait, this is a trick, right? The joke is we AREN'T supposed to laugh at this "joke," right? Ah ha, you are a master of irony!

PeyoteCoyote · « **Reply #26 on:** February 16, 2003, 06:42:56 PM »

Here's a couple that my six year old told me

Q: Why did the chicken cross the playground?
A: To get to the other slide.

Q: Why was the little fish blushing?
A: Because it saw the oceans bottom.

rotgut · « **Reply #27 on:** February 21, 2003, 01:22:42 PM »

Rotguts back with his joke of the day!

President Bush is having trouble doing a jig-saw puzzle, because he cannot get it to look anything like the tiger picture on the front of the box.

He telephones his Vice President and tells him of the problem he is having. The Vice President, not wanting his President to worry unduly, tells him to bring his jigsaw puzzle over and he would try to help him solve it.

Mr. President duly arrives and places the puzzle on the table.

"No.No", exclaims the Vice President, "How many times have I got to tell you George, we don't have sugar frosties for breakfast in this house!".

snyperx · « **Reply #28 on:** February 21, 2003, 01:39:58 PM »

Min · « **Reply #29 on:** February 21, 2003, 02:01:49 PM »

Wow. He somehow made a stupid joke stupider.

Hey Peyote, has your kid told you any more good ones?

snyperx · « **Reply #30 on:** February 21, 2003, 02:06:47 PM »

How do you fit 1000 dead babies into a telephone booth?

With a blender.

How do you get them out?

With a straw.

Next: What's grosser then a trashcan full of dead babies?

A live one on the bottom.

What's worse then that?

Him having to eat his way out.

PeyoteCoyote · « **Reply #31 on:** February 21, 2003, 11:28:32 PM »

Quote from: Detta

Hey Peyote, has your kid told you any more good ones?

Well, I don't know about good but my oldest told me this one.

Did you hear that they've discovered a new use for sheep in Virginia?

Wool.

PeyoteCoyote · « **Reply #32 on:** February 21, 2003, 11:40:08 PM »

One fine day in Ireland, a gentleman was out golfing and teed up his ball on the 17th hole. He smashed the golf ball with his driver. Unfortunately, his drive went into the woods. He walked down the fairway and went looking for his ball. After searching for a while, he found a little man unconscious with the golf ball lying next to him. "Goodness," said the golfer, and proceeded to revive the poor little guy.

Upon awaking, the little guy said, "Well, you caught me fair and square. I am a leprechaun. I will grant you three wishes." The man said, "I can't take anything from you. I'm just glad I didn't hurt you too badly." The man then turned and walked away. Watching the golfer depart, the leprechaun thought to himself, "Well, he was a nice enough guy, and he did catch me, so I have to do something for him. I'll give him the three things that I would want. I'll give him unlimited money, a great golf game, and a great sex life."

Well, a year went by and the same golfer went golfing on the same course, and as luck would have it, at the 17th hole he hit his drive into the very same woods and went off searching for his ball. When he found the ball he saw the same little guy and asked how he was doing. The leprechaun said, "I'm fine, and might I ask how your golf game is?"

"It's great! I hit under par every time." The leprechaun smiled and said, "I did that for you. And might I ask how your money is holding out?" The golfer said, "Well, now that you mention it, every time I put my hand in my pocket, I pull out a hundred dollar bill." The leprecahun smiled and said, "I did that for you too. And might I ask how your sex life is?" The golfer looked at him a little shyly and said, "Well, maybe a couple of times a week."

The leprechaun smiled and nodded his head knowingly, "A couple of times a week?" "Well, that's none too shabby for a Catholic priest in a small parish."

rotgut · « **Reply #33 on:** February 22, 2003, 02:01:00 PM »

A high class escort girl is being investigated by the taxman, because she claims on her tax return that she only earns 5,000 dollars a year in her occupation as a "chicken farmer", even though she lives in a plush 2 million dollar mansion in Beverley Hills and drives a posh 100,000 dollar automobile.

When the tax inspector arrives at her house to question her further, she is still adamant that she earns her living being a "chicken farmer", and has nothing else to declare.

The tax inspector then says to her "unless you can prove to me you are really a 'chicken farmer', I will have to fine or imprison you for tax evasion".

The escort then takes the surprised inspector by the hand, and leads the bewildered man to her bedroom. She then points to the large bed inside and says to him "you see that bed"? - "yes", the tax inspector replies - "I've raised over 1000 cocks on that bed in the last year alone"!

Min · « **Reply #34 on:** February 22, 2003, 02:58:23 PM »

Quote from: PeyoteCoyote

Quote from: Detta

Hey Peyote, has your kid told you any more good ones?

Well, I don't know about good but my oldest told me this one.

Did you hear that they've discovered a new use for sheep in Virginia?

Wool.

That hurt.

I think you meant West Virginia anyway, right?

PeyoteCoyote · « **Reply #35 on:** February 22, 2003, 03:49:50 PM »

Quote from: Detta

That hurt.

I think you meant West Virginia anyway, right?

Yes, yes I did. I hope that this little misunderstanding does not endanger my chance at a cabinet position, El Presidente.

hob goblin · « **Reply #36 on:** February 22, 2003, 03:53:55 PM »

I live in virginia, you are thinking of West VA

Min · « **Reply #37 on:** February 22, 2003, 05:13:05 PM »

Quote from: PeyoteCoyote

Quote from: Detta

That hurt.

I think you meant West Virginia anyway, right?

Yes, yes I did. I hope that this little misunderstanding does not endanger my chance at a cabinet position, El Presidente.

So you'd accept that position if I offered it to you? You know, you'd only have to e-hug the chicks. Oh, and you can head up the e-mugging department while you're at it.

Quote

I live in virginia, you are thinking of West VA

Me too. I'm in Richmond.

PeyoteCoyote · « **Reply #38 on:** February 22, 2003, 05:19:58 PM »

Quote from: hob goblin

I live in virginia, you are thinking of West VA

Damn, you realize that I am sorely tempted to insult Virginians again just because you stuck your two pesos in, don't you? Aw heck, It's not like you're from Pennsyltucky or something anyways.

By the way, Detta, after you're President is there a place for me? How about Minister of the Inferior...er...Interior?

PeyoteCoyote · « **Reply #39 on:** February 22, 2003, 05:24:21 PM »

Quote from: Detta

So you'd accept that position if I offered it to you? You know, you'd only have to e-hug the chicks. Oh, and you can head up the e-mugging department while you're at it.

Damn skippy.

That's even better than Minister of the Interior.

rotgut · « **Reply #40 on:** February 23, 2003, 08:58:51 AM »

A few quickfire"Doctor" jokes today!

The singer Tom Jones goes to his doctor, and says "Doctor, I've developed a purple tongue, is that normal"?

"It's not unusual"! said the doctor!

A man goes to his doctor and says to him "Doctor, I feel like I'm a pair of curtains".

His doctor replied "pull yourself together,man"!

A man goes to his doctor and says to him "Doctor, I feel like I'm a billiard ball".

His doctor replied "Get to the end of the queue"!

A man goes to his doctor and say's he used to feel like a werewolf!

His doctor replied "So the medication I gave you worked then"?

"Yes", the man said "I'm all right noooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwww!!!

Min · « **Reply #41 on:** February 23, 2003, 10:24:52 AM »

Quote from: PeyoteCoyote

By the way, Detta, after you're President is there a place for me? How about Minister of the Inferior...er...Interior?

Heh heh. Yeah, after I'm President. You don't really believe that I can beat Ergo, do you? I'm just there to make it hard for him.

For those of you who don't know, I'm running for President of Hackernetwork. I'm running against three guys who don't even hang out at The Geekery. How good could they possibly be, right?

So if anyone wants to make me some campaign banners, feel free. Here's one that I made.

spike · « **Reply #42 on:** February 23, 2003, 12:05:13 PM »

Detta, LG is still waiting for smear spots from yourself and prometheus. You guys are letting ergo get all the airtime.

Min · « **Reply #43 on:** February 23, 2003, 12:44:43 PM »

Quote from: spike

Detta, LG is still waiting for smear spots from yourself and prometheus. You guys are letting ergo get all the airtime.

I know. I don't really have easy access to that kind of software. I know my mother has it on her computer, but I have to get over there to do it. Hopefully Monday or Tuesday.

PeyoteCoyote · « **Reply #44 on:** February 23, 2003, 03:21:47 PM »

Quote from: Detta

You don't really believe that I can beat Ergo, do you? I'm just there to make it hard for him.

You know, taken out of context, this has the makings of sig-line of the year.

Honestly, I think that this is the same as everything else in life. It's a fifty/fifty chance. Either you win or you don't. Because you're in the running I know you're not afraid to try. Because you're in the running I know you're not afraid to fail. Because you're in the running I know you're not afraid to win. You've got resources both here and at HN that you can tap into. Since you're the most visible here I'm sure you can talk people into swinging by HN and voting for you when the time comes. As far as the people over at HN, that will probably come down to timing and wit.

Banshee · « **Reply #45 on:** February 24, 2003, 08:00:50 AM »

Quote from: rotgut

A few quickfire"Doctor" jokes today!
[retarded jokes removed]

Get thee behind me, Satan! Those jokes were so bad, I actually felt my head spin one-hundred eighty degrees.

rotgut · « **Reply #46 on:** February 25, 2003, 02:41:27 PM »

A posh guy is sent to fight in the trenches in France during the First World War.

On arrival a fellow soldier says to the posh guy "I guess you've come here to die as well".

The posh man replied "Well no, actually I came here yesterdie" (yesterday)!

:doh:

Anonymous · « **Reply #47 on:** February 25, 2003, 09:01:41 PM »

OK, the topic says "Joke of the day" NOT "The quick path to suicide". Do you honestly find that funny??? Yesterday?? Come on! You can do better than that man!

Jon · « **Reply #48 on:** February 26, 2003, 02:27:02 PM »

Honestly Judge, I don't think he can..

rotgut · « **Reply #49 on:** February 26, 2003, 02:42:47 PM »

Boo Hoo! I'm off soon to a forum site where my works of art are appreciated!

In the interim, here are today's joke(s)!

Donald Duck takes his girlfriend away for a romantic week-end, but upon settling into their hotel bedroom they realise they left their condoms at home!

Mr. Duck promptly 'phones room service to order some.

They are brought to his room by a young man who says"Here are your condoms Mr. Duck, shall I put them on your bill"?

Donald replies indignantly "what do you think I am - a pervert"?!

What goes along the ocean bed doing a ton?

A Motor Pike!

Whats grosser than sperm on Dexy's Midnight Runners?

'Cum', on Eileen!"

Heard about the man who stole a calender?

The judge gave him six months!

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Author Topic: Joke of the day (Read 32869 times)

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