Topic: Random Rants (Read 67121 times)

Min · « **Reply #200 on:** June 23, 2011, 09:31:11 PM »

The first guy blew air through the pipe so I think it is clear. It would have made a big wet mess if the air just went to the pan and the pan was full, right?

The second guy said it was on a bad slant and put a block under one end.

The third guy did something else, I'm not sure.

But I will tell Enrique these things to tell the guy when he comes.

pbsaurus · « **Reply #201 on:** June 23, 2011, 09:47:01 PM »

Hook him up to electrodes and tell him if the water isn't gone you're gonna juice him.

Wunderkind · « **Reply #202 on:** June 26, 2011, 02:09:55 AM »

To the asshole in the pink shirt with white writing about some church on it who stood up and told my manager from Vietnam (whose accent is as thick as your sweet tea) that she ought to hire American waitresses who speak English, go to fucking hell. She is an American and her English is good enough. The next time you come up in here I'm speaking French to your ass the entire time I wait on you (because it's the only language I remember enough of to pull that off). Maybe I'll speak a different language every time I roll up to your table. Possibly Klingon. Suck on that.

I did enjoy my boss walking back to the wait station, steaming mad, after telling him that she didn't need his business, and saying, "Send him to Vietnam and make him work in a restaurant there. See how it feels." Then she continued to vent in Vietnamese for twenty minutes.

I was left to explain to the new hire that the boss wasn't mad at her. She was mad at the table for being assholes. I learned that 'asshole' doesn't translate easily into Russian. Which is sad, because if you've read to here, you've surely caught on by now, that 'asshole' is my one of my favorites, second only to 'fuck'. 'Fuck' only wins by means of diversity of usage.

Now that I've littered this thread with swear words, I just want to say, honest, hard working people who get into this country legally are just as American as the next person who was born here. And I'm sorry your fine tuned ears cannot understand her accent. She probably can't understand your accent either. And who are you to say something about her English? Her sentences are better constructed than yours. Let's talk about your shitty English. What's your excuse? It's supposed to be your first language.

There... now I think I'm done. Yup. Done.

Min · « **Reply #203 on:** July 29, 2011, 08:45:04 PM »

I think my baby is colicky.

And that makes me want to cry...for three hours straight on three out of the seven days ...during three weeks in a row.

ivan · « **Reply #204 on:** July 30, 2011, 02:48:07 AM »

It will pass. And in the long run, it will have been but a tiny blip in the big scheme of things. In the long run.

Min · « **Reply #205 on:** August 02, 2011, 07:12:48 PM »

Welp, the good news is that I don't think he's technically colicky. I think I figured out that he cries and cries when I eat eggs.

The bad news is that I ate a bacon, egg and cheese sandwich this morning, forgetting that it contains eggs.

Stupid.

Demosthenes · « **Reply #206 on:** August 03, 2011, 10:06:34 AM »

Well that hasn't got MUCH eggs in it...

Demosthenes · « **Reply #207 on:** August 10, 2011, 08:53:40 AM »

I posted this elsewhere, but I figured I'd share it here too, since some things simply need to be ranted.

Dear US Cable,

You leave cable slung across my yard in two different directions for 6+ weeks.

I tell you repeatedly that not only does it need to be buried -- I need to mow my fucking lawn, people! -- but I need to be present when it does, so you need to call me when you decide to come out and bury it.

Why, you ask? Because, US Cable, you have a 100% track record of fucking every single thing up that I have ever, ever asked you to do, no matter how large, small, trivial, or otherwise simple.

I have an invisible dog fence. I don't want you to come and just dig willy nilly and cut that, because it'd be a pain in the ass to repair that.

I have plants I don't want you to disturb or damage.

I have plans to put paving stones back to our firepit and put a patio back there and I don't want to have to contend with shallowly-buried coaxial cable right where I want to dig.

But, despite my repeated requests, and of late demands, that you let me know when this cable will eventually be buried so I can be present for this event, you never returned my calls like you said you would.

You always just shrug, smile that stupid smile and politely tell me "Oh, we have no idea, but we'll check on it and get back to you."

And you never let me speak to anyone that DOES have any idea, or an IQ higher than 75.

So yesterday, when I got home from work, I discovered a big, unsightly gash carved diagonally across my back yard, right across the middle of it, right where I plan to dig up and put paving stones and a patio.

And I discovered that you cut plants down adjacent to my house, all the way to the ground, out of spite. Not because you needed to. Not because they were in the way. Just out of spite, I'm assuming. They weren't in your way. They weren't in any way connected or related to necessity associated with burying the cable you so carelessly left all over the goddamned place.

And when I called your useless customer service to ask what the FUCK this is all about, as usual, you just shrugged, smiled that stupid smile, and politely told me "Oh, we have no idea, but we'll check on it and get back to you."

Well guess what, you fuckers.

I've been doing a little digging, and I have some better phone numbers to call now. I'm reasonably sure some of them aren't business phone numbers either.

My money is on someone coming out and fixing this in the next 10 days. Because if you thought I was annoying before, now you've managed to piss me off.

Hugs and kisses,

-- Mr_Shifty

Demosthenes · « **Reply #208 on:** August 10, 2011, 08:54:42 AM »

And here's the explanation of my tactics, and what has resulted from them.

My typical approach to a situation like this is to annoy them -- and everybody involved -- enough that they will do just about anything to just make me go away.

Usually my main strategy is full blown total assault. I hit everybody I can get in my sights with everything I've got. Heavy machine guns, rocket launchers, C4, nuclear warfare, everything.

I aim to upset them, rattle them, and make them wonder "Wow, what the FUCK is wrong with this guy!???".

Because at that point, they simply don't want to envision a life where they have to deal with me on a daily basis.

Complete. Fucking. Asshole.

I very carefully craft a phone persona for each person with whom I talk. It's designed, custom tailored to each person to rattle them the most.

After 15 years or so in tech support, I know a thing or two about what rattles people over the phone.

So I'm the guy that ruins that person's entire day. I'm the guy they talk about over beers after work. I'm the guy that they talk about when they start a story with "Well, the worst customer I EVER had to deal with was..."

Anyway, in this particular case, I accomplished it with four primary phone numbers:

1. The direct number that goes to the head of US Cable's customer service office in Cambridge, MN

2. The US Cable main customer service 800 number

3. The cell phone number of the idiot that led the crew that tore up my yard (who works for, as I found out, "Schroeder Construction", with whom US Cable contracts for cable burying)

4. The direct number that goes to the director of operations for Schroeder Construction

I utilized a guerrilla attack. I phone bombed US Cable customer service and rattled a few CS reps who, since they probably make about $11 an hour, do NOT want to deal with me calling them every day.

While they were still reeling from that, I left two very articulate, calm voicemails for their boss, the head of US Cable customer service in Minnesota, detailing with names and dates precisely how US Cable's customer service failed on multiple levels, leading to a situation which in all likelihood will involve attorneys if not resolved immediately.

Then I called the crew leader who works for the contractor did the work yesterday, on his cell, at 9:00 last night.

To his credit, I have to hand it to him. He was pretty polite, even though I unloaded both barrels on him, again and again. He eventually hung up on me, but it took him almost 15 minutes of some of the harshest abuse I'm capable of dealing out before he did so. Kudos to you, sir. You may be a fucking idiot who can't follow simple instructions, but you're thick-skinned.

And finally, I left a voicemail for Schroeder Construction's director of operations. This one was polite and articulate, much like the one I left for US Cable's head of Minnesota customer service.

The result was a phone call I got from Schroeder Construction's director of Operations at 7:00 this morning.

He didn't only receive a voicemail from me last night. He got one from US Cable's head of customer service. I don't know the content of it, but I think it probably wasn't as polite as mine was.

At any rate, at 5:30 pm today, there will be a crew at my house to fix the situation and do it correctly, under my direct supervision.

Thing is, I was willing to take a half day, run home over a late lunch, whatever, in order to meet them there had they simply called me before tearing up my yard. I considered that a reasonable request.

But since they couldn't even do that, I made unreasonable requests, like making them send a work crew out on a re-do after 5pm.

The guys in that work crew won't like me much. That's okay. I'll treat them like gold. The real people they'll hate are the assholes they work for who are sending them out after 5.

This is what it takes to get US Cable to do things correctly.

And I've no reason whatsoever to ever change my approach. It's the only way to get results. I'm like a dog who bites people and gets positive reinforcement for it.

So why stop?

I know. I'm an asshole. But I'm okay with it.

Min · « **Reply #209 on:** August 10, 2011, 09:20:12 AM »

Wow. I am soooo opposite from you.

So you can't get verizon fios where you live? Here, we have a few different choices that do the same thing...Comcast Cable, Verizon Fios, maybe something else...can't remember. If you don't like one, you switch.

Demosthenes · « **Reply #210 on:** August 10, 2011, 09:32:30 AM »

I should run a workshop to teach people how to do this.

No, at the moment, my Internet options are US Cable and Qwest.

Sadly, between the two, US Cable is far more competent.

Novice · « **Reply #211 on:** August 24, 2011, 05:10:39 PM »

*Submit resume to LSI.*

*Find out I need three more hours to graduate.*

*Get call back from LSI with interview. Have to tell them I won't graduate 'till December.*

Shit.

Min · « **Reply #212 on:** August 24, 2011, 05:32:12 PM »

Ewwww.

Sorry.

Min · « **Reply #213 on:** September 03, 2011, 06:30:54 AM »

Went to bed at 11:30.

Daughter wakes up screaming at 1:30. Bring her into my bed, where she tosses and turns for a few hours.

Son wakes up at 4, time to eat! I feed him.

Before I fall asleep...Daughter is wide awake and ready to get up at 5.

Ugh.

I guess it serves me right for going to bed so late.

12 · « **Reply #214 on:** September 11, 2011, 07:28:41 PM »

I suppose it's yet another reason I'll burn in hell, but I am just about tired of reading/hearing about 9/11/2001.
Also, being in the wrong place at the wrong time does NOT make you a hero. Simply surviving a tragedy does NOT make you a hero.

Knowing one building just collapsed, but trudging up tens of flights of stairs wearing over a hundred pounds of turnout gear to (hopefully) save someone else is the stuff heroes do.

Novice · « **Reply #215 on:** September 11, 2011, 09:42:22 PM »

Quote from: 12 on September 11, 2011, 07:28:41 PM

I am just about tired of reading/hearing about 9/11/2001.

Yeah. see you there, I suppose.

Wunderkind · « **Reply #216 on:** September 11, 2011, 11:12:14 PM »

Quote from: 12 on September 11, 2011, 07:28:41 PM

I suppose it's yet another reason I'll burn in hell, but I am just about tired of reading/hearing about 9/11/2001.

I too am tired of hearing about my 16th birthday. I mean, it wasn't even that great of a birthday.

ivan · « **Reply #217 on:** September 12, 2011, 02:21:23 AM »

Quote from: Wunderkind on September 11, 2011, 11:12:14 PM

I too am tired of hearing about my 16th birthday. I mean, it wasn't even that great of a birthday.

Whoa. Understatement.

My sister complains about being born on Christmas Eve. I'm gonna have to tell her it could be worse.

Wunderkind · « **Reply #218 on:** September 12, 2011, 08:23:23 AM »

Funnily enough [or maybe not so funny] my birthday was notorious for being a horrible day even before that. Every time we try and make specific plans on the 11th, something bad happens, everything from 9/11/01 to a horse who had been in the family for 32 years dying to preparing a party for the RSVP of 13 people only to have absolutely no one show up. The best years are like this year, when nothing is planned and it's somewhat disorganized and scattered but at least no one died, no one was injured, people showed up, and no one was in a car wreck. Hell, the day I was born, I died. That was probably not a good omen.

In short, you can tell your sister I would trade with her in a heartbeat. I'm not sure if it would make it any better, but at least I wouldn't have to hear about how 'tragic and sad a day' my BIRTHDAY is.

Novice · « **Reply #219 on:** September 12, 2011, 08:32:57 AM »

Happy Birthday!!

I mean, a sad, somber reminder day.

reimero · « **Reply #220 on:** September 12, 2011, 09:20:15 AM »

Quote from: Wunderkind on September 12, 2011, 08:23:23 AM

In short, you can tell your sister I would trade with her in a heartbeat. I'm not sure if it would make it any better, but at least I wouldn't have to hear about how 'tragic and sad a day' my BIRTHDAY is.

When you get to be my age, you'll understand how every birthday is a tragic and sad day.

As for that 9/11 bullshit, fuck them all in the eye (except the people who went in knowing full well it was a not-safe environment.) If anything, it's an excuse to party hearty.

ivan · « **Reply #221 on:** September 12, 2011, 12:42:13 PM »

Happy Birthday!

Min · « **Reply #222 on:** September 12, 2011, 04:15:58 PM »

Yes. Happy Birthday.

pbsaurus · « **Reply #223 on:** September 12, 2011, 07:31:56 PM »

Slippy?

Min · « **Reply #224 on:** September 15, 2011, 10:23:42 AM »

Canker sore on the inside of my lip, canker sore on the underside of my tongue, killer sore throat.

That's what I've been dealing with this week. What misery. To add to it, my options for medication are limited because I'm breastfeeding.

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Author Topic: Random Rants (Read 67121 times)