This is what I didn’t do while being lazy. This is what others did while being lazy. |
There are probably the same people you hate to see come over to your house. They're waiting on your doorstep as you read this. |
Automotive DealersI’m sure there’s more than just that above. I’m sure there are a lot more companies out there that screw people for money when it comes to the Holiday Season. Well, not literally screwing people for money, but you know what I mean. Instead of the Holiday Season capitalizing on the fact that people should try to be even nicer to each other rather than use their cell phones while driving, driving on the wrong side of the road, or just being plain mean in stores while waiting online talking on their cell phone, businesses use this time to try to capitalize on capitol instead and enjoy screwing other people while in the process.
Car dealers know how to make money, and they use the Holiday Season to capitalize on it even further. They know that people feel like giving more during these months, so they gear their commercials into tricking people into giving their nice son or daughter a brand new car as a gift. First of all, why the hell would you want to give your son or daughter a new car? Most likely as a parent in this day and age, you didn’t have someone buy you a brand new car when you were growing up 20 or 30 years ago, so why the hell should you have to buy them a car? Let them get off their asses and work for it. I don’t want to hear that crap about them having too much to do in school and friends. You have to give a little to get a little, right? Isn’t that what this Holiday Season is all about anyway? You know, giving and receiving. Second, who has that kind of money to give an entire car away as a gift? It’s hard enough getting a car of your own, let alone giving one to someone as a gift. I don’t know what car dealers are thinking when they make these commercials showing cars being given away as gifts. Maybe they’re talking about Hot Wheels Cars or something.Food Manufacturers
This is every food company’s dream. Fat people. Except this guy is going to get hit by a roller coaster and die.
Even though the Holiday Season is all about unwanted family members that you want to kill and merchandising, it’s also all about food. Sure, isn’t it always about the food to us fat lazy Americans that have invented such things as the light bulb, the automobile, and possibly obesity, as well as diabetes which go hand in hand? Well, it’s even more about the food during the Holiday Season. Not only do the food companies want us to buy their products so they can get rich during these few months, but they want us to buy their products so we can gain weight and complain about our fat asses. “Why would they want us to gain weight?” you think. I’ll tell you why. You know all those emails that you start to get in May or so about weight loss pills that will somehow make you lose 43.2 pounds every time you eat more fattening foods after taking their pill? Well, the makers of those pills are the same ones that want you to get fat. You might not realize it, but I sure as hell caught on to it. The food industry has capitalized on the Holiday Season in America and has been making big bucks off of it for many years now, we’ve just been too stupid to realize it. I’ve heard rumors that the makers of the weight loss pills are working with car manufacturers on a way to speed up the process of global warming. This way they’ll always keep the weather cold and snowy so no one can go out side and exercise.Record Industry (AKA: RIAA)
Support Communism and download evil pirated music.
Despite the recording industry taking a “big hit” from online music sharing as well as them raising the prices for all their records and producing less products to begin with, they still know how to rake in the money when it comes around to the Holiday Season. They don’t employ the same methods as the rest of the businesses out there, however. Instead of making money on goods that they have sold, they make money on goods that have been stolen from them. That’s right, all you hoodlums out there think you’re doing them harm. Just wait until the Mailman shows up on your doorstep one day with a nice Cease and Desist letter. Come Christmas time, they can just print out a few more copies of those letters, send them out to some folks, and sue some people and use that money to hand out bonuses. Who cares if your bonus money came from a 6-year-old little girl, or a 70-year-old man? Hey, money is money, right? Desperate times call for desperate measures, so when the economy becomes sluggish, you know you can always rely on the court system to make some money instead of rolling with the punches like everyone else.