I'm in it for 10 more months. Assholes.

military.com and American Prospect are both reporting that the military is seriously considering calling up inactive reserves.

IRS may help DoD find reservists

IT'S DRAFTY IN HERE.

I'm currently a slave to online poker (texas hold em), Tropico 2, and as always, Unreal Tournament.

Whatsaboutchoo?

Anyone here play?

WARNING: THIS WILL QUICKLY DEGENERATE INTO ME WHINING INCESSANTLY. I UNDERSTAND IT, I'VE COME TO TERMS WITH IT, AND YET I STILL FEEL THE NEED TO POST IT. IF YOU DON'T WANT TO READ WHINING, PLEASE STOP NOW. THANK YOU.

So the wife flew up last week for the mandatory "We're married, we should probably see each other at least once a year" annual vacation. She has a friend that lives up in Vancouver, BC, so it was agreed that a weekend in Canada would be fun. We drove up to the border, dropped my car off, and jumped on a Greyhound for the 20 min ride across the border (I didn't want to take my car, didn't feel like fighting for a spot, paying to park, etc., all that shit that comes with a car in an urban environment). So, we get to Canadian customs, I get to tell the story of why a married couple doesn't live together to Canadian immigration, who really didn't look like they gave a fuck, and got into Vancouver without any trouble. I was quite pleased. So we find our hotel after a good hour of randomly roaming downtown, check in, trade our dollars for what looked like monopoly money (apparently it's worth about what monopoly money's worth, too), and start tripping around Vancouver.

Now, I've always had it in my head that Canada was really just a big, American state, granted they seem a bit weird, but that happens when a bunch of white people get isolated for a long time. I bunch Canadians with states like North Dakota and Utah, you know, they're part of the union, they're just a little.. different. Which is why I was more than a bit dismayed at my realization that not only are they not like us, they're fuckin bat shit crazy. And to make it worse, THEY'RE RIGHT FUCKIN UP THERE. They like, touch our border and shit.

So yea, right after we get to the hotel, I go and grab a soda, which, not being particularly fond of any brand of soda, is randomly selected, and ends up being Coca Cola. I go back to the room, where my wife asks for a sip, then proceeds to let out the most hideous shriek I'd heard since, well, since the last time I'd heard her shriek. It wasn't an American Coca-Cola at all. It was a Coca-Cola Classique. Now, excuse me for being rational, decent, relatively upstanding member of society, but WHAT THE FUCK IS A CLASSIQUE COKE? She dumped it down the toilet, stomped the can, and threw it away before it could poison anyone else. She's always been a kind and generous soul like that.

Anyway, we go out that night, just walking around, when we come across some place selling chocolate pancakes. Funny thing was, their menu said nothing about pancakes. It was all about somekinda crepe thing, with some communist looking squiggly shit above one of the letters. While waiting in line to order a pancake, we get into an argument about how to pronounce crepe. I thought it was cray-p. The girl (who showed up to her French I class in high school about 3 times) insisted it was crep (say it fast). Apparently our ignorance was astonishing, because 3 yuppie bitches in front of us carting their spawn around in designer fuckin wheelbarrows felt the need to turn and roll their eyes at us. I think they syncronized it on purpose. In fact, I think they had actually practiced it before, it was so well done. Anyway, they order, we order, and right after they get their pancakes, they start whining about how the french "down south" shouldn't even be called french, or some kinda shit, due to the poor craftsmanship of their pancakes. Which brings me to my second issue: WHAT THE FUCK ARE FRENCH DOING ANYWHERE NEAR US? Their noses looked surgically turned up. And they smelled. And they talked funny. Even worse than Iowans or Minnesotans. But I digress.

The rest of that evening and most of the next day was filled with our witty, uh.. witticisms (is that a word?), like ordering 93 cent pizza slices, ("but only if that's authentic Canadian bacon, I don't want any of that Amerian garbage, I'm serious man, is that Canadian or American bacon on there?") and riotous laughter at the Canadian Geese at Stanley Park ("Excuse me sir, we've been trying to take pictures of Mexican geese all day, have you seen any aboot, eh?") and the like. I thought we did well representing the current world dominating culture.

Just a couple more quick observations:

1. The $2 coin is fuckin fascism at work.
2. As soon as you cross the border, they rub the fact they have Cuban cigars right in your face. I didn't appreciate it.
3. They can't find enough fuckin surfaces to slap a maple leaf on. I get it. I see the fuckin trees. They're pretty. I don't need em on the money too.
4. The entire town of Vancouver smells like burning marijuana. I have no problem with that.
5. It's all metric. WHAT. THE. FUCK. I thought they were supposed to be our friends.
6. Your Rocky Horror Picture show sucked. I even went on Halloween. If you can't do it right on Halloween, you don't deserve it at all. Fuckers.
7. The sons of bitches look just like you. You can't even really tell they're Canadian. I think they do it on purpose to confuse Americans.
8. Canadians get bitchy when you make faces at them from the bus. Especially the old white ones driving expensive imports.
9. Canadians seem to enjoy it when a hot chick flashes her boobs from a bus, although they didn't like it enough to get into a car accident, which was the intended conclusion to the random occurances.
10. I don't know who "they" are, but I think "they" are spying on us. I also believe Lacerda works for them.

Thank you for your time.