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Topics - Chris

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1
Anarchy / From the bowels of the internet...
« on: January 24, 2017, 06:41:48 PM »
Lookie what I ran in to today. Sometimes after work when I'm bored I'll hunt around on archive.org and relic in the good ol' days of the internet...

Clicky click for the original

Quote
spurt
~Fade-In~

"It's easy", Johnny said, "..infact almost fool-proof, I've do it a hundred times."

Brett always had got a queasy feeling in his stomach when Johnny, his street-smart fast talking best friend, starts to pull one of his scams. "Now go over there and do it just like I told you." barked Johnny. Brett never really thought to much of Johnny's bossiness. Being from the same neighborhood and alittle older, he felt, Johnny is what it would feel like to have an older brother.

Brett had recieved the nod from Johnny. The mark, today, a well dressed man carrying a copy of the "The Wall-Street Journal". Johnny always said that stock brokers were just like flys,"If it looks good to them, they'll dive right in the shit!", and he was right. Drawing closer, Brett pulled out the envelope, and placed it in his sleeve.

The contents, an old 1902 penny, in a plastic case marked "Vry-Rare". This scam Johnny loved, because it really only cost them about a dollar to pull off, and if done right could net about a 500% profit.

Now, walking just behind the mark, Brett extended his arm and made contact. It was on. "Excuse me sir, I think this fell from your breifcase", Brett sheepishly said. Puzzled, the man said thanks, and Brett kept walking. "Yo, hold up!", the man said. Brett turned slowly and relished the feeling of hooking the fish. "This isn't mine son.", the man exclaimed.

"Oh, I'm sorry sir, it looked as if it came from your briefcase, maybe it was from someone in front of you, anyway....sorry, here I'll take it back.", Brett said. Brett snatched the envelope rather quickly, which made the man kinda curious of what was in it. Brett continued walking, but not to far in front of the man, so he'd be sure to see Brett's reaction. "Wow...fucking cool!", Brett moaned. Now the mark completely hooked, came over to Brett and asked, "Well, what do you got there kid?"

Brett held the penny up in the air, as if it was a lost treasure just being unearthed, "Looks like some kinda old coin." Feeling the scam going good, Brett relaxed abit and asked the man, "Do you know anything about coins?" The man shrugged and said, "Well...ah, sure, let me see that." Brett almost laughed as the guys eyes zeroed in on the "Rare" part."Hey look there's a note in here.", Brett said sounding surprised.

The note said, "Here it is Mr. Jacobson, I was hopeing you could give me the half the appraisal you gave me" It had a phone number written on top near the letter-head that said=="FROM THE DESK OF Tom Tutone". Brett turning to the man, asked if he had a cell phone. The man of coarse did, and pulled it out. The man gestured to Brett, "Would you like to use it?" "Hell no, with all the radiation and waves of stuff coming out of those things, no sir, you do it." Brett said. The man shook his head, began dialing the number, and mumbled, "Radiation, huh."

"Hello.", it was Johnny, in his businessman's voice.

"Good evening, is this Mr. Tut-one?", asked the man.

With an argy sigh, Johnny said,"It's pronounced Tutone, like a car color." Johnny loved messing around with the marks, and "Who is this?"

"My name is Bob, and well Mr. Tutone, I believe a package of yours, that maybe was being delivered, or I don't know, being handle out on 3rd ave, has ended up in mine and young man hands. I'm calling for him, on my cellphone, he originally thought it fell from me."

"Oh shit!" Johnny yelled,"My coin! Where on 3rd ave. are you, and who's got my penny?"

"Well, were in front of the Starbucks, right next to Smith's Cafe'" said the man. "The kid's holding the coin now.

Johnny said slowly with a stern voice, "Listen to me Bob, I need you to do me a huge favour, STAY RIGHT THERE WITH MY COIN, I will be right there. I'm sure your a busy man, so I WILL, make it worth you while, say $500.00 dollars for waiting for me. Get the coin from that kid and I'll meet you in that Starbucks, down there, in ten minutes. Bob please don't split on me with that coin, I do have your cell number with name on the caller I.D., I'm sure your an easy guy to find. Are we on the same page?"

Bob happily replied, "Yes."

"Oh, and one more thing Bob, can you order me a Colombia nariño supremo, and get yourself something nice, I'll be right there."

The man hangs-up the phone, turns to Brett and says, "I can take it from here if you want kid. The guys coming down in a couple of minutes and said to say thanks, and to give you twenty bucks....so here ya go.", and gestured for the coin.

"No, no, I wasn't born yesterday there Bobby. You look pretty damn happy to be having to have to wait for a complete stranger.", as Brett slid the coin into his pocket. "How much did he say it's worth?"

"Come'on kid stop, busting my balls, I've done all the work here. I made the call....and I was meeting someone else down here anyway, before this..., come'on kid" moaned Bob.

"Your acting weird Bob, I tell-ya what, I think I'll keep the coin and take it down to a coin shop today.", Brett grinned.

"Whoa! hold up....ah, what did you say your name was?", Bob asked.

Brett replied, "Greg"

"Well Greg, let's just say, today is your lucky day. This whole situation, you, me, the coin, you being a good samaritan and all, well...let's talk on the level here. Follow me." and they walked over to the A.T.M machine outside Starbucks. "That coin, in your pocket, is worth two hundred dollars," as Bob placed his card and pin number in. Like a hawk Brett took note, of the four magic numbers, while Bob continued to spew something,"the gentleman has my full name and phone number, and I need to make sure this gets back to him. So you see, your going to give me that coin and I'm going to make sure this gentleman gets back his coin, and from this process you just made two hundred dollars,...um, ok." Bob asked.

Brett smiled, repeating the four numbers in his head over and over,"Not a problem sir! What ever you say." Brett stuck out his hand with the coin in it, and Bob gladly took it, and placed ten crisp twenty dollar bills in it's spot.

"So I guess this is good day to you, there Bob." said Brett. Bob thinking to himself, of what to do with the three hundred extra dollars, said "Looks like it, you have a good day also."

Brett went to where Johnny said to meet, after they finished the scam. Johnny smiled when he saw Brett walk up to him, and Johnny giggled, "I told the fuck to get me a supremo." Brett enjoyed the laugh, it was a real tension realease, but he was really was thinking of how to get Bob's atm card.

"Guess what Johnny?" Brett grinned, "I know his pin number."

"You fucking know his what?" gasped Johnny.

spurt

~fades out~

,and now you fade your continuation in

"His pin number for his card", Brett replied.

"How the FUCK did you manage to get that while you were at it?", Johnny replied in a rather fast and snappy manner which seemed to surprise Brett even though he himself has a foul mouth. Brett took a moment to reply after being dumbfounded by Johnny's rage - "Easy, I looked at the keypad when he put the number in and I remembered it. How else would have I gotten it?" he said.

"I don't care how you got it, the cool thing is you have his mother fucking pin number!" Brett answered to his answer.

While the two boys were bickering about how Brett got the man's, the man was busy waiting on line getting Johnny a Supremo from the Starbuck's to stay on Johnny's good side when they met. After all, he was going to be getting a lot of money from the kid, who he thought was a man, and he certainly didn't want to make him mad or pissed off.

"There's no way in hell I'm going to steal his wallet", cried Brett. "Besides, he already knows what I look like. He'll notice me."

"By the way" Brett continued, "Here's half of the... eighty dollars he gave me for the penny."

Johnny gave him a sideways glance and almost said something, then shoved the two twenties into his pocket.

"Here's what I'm gonna do", said Johnny. I'm going to take one of these twenties up to him and tell him he dropped it, just like you did with the envelope. When he goes to put it in his wallet, I'm going to grab it, and when he tries to take it back, I'm going to scream 'rape!'."

Brett just shook his head.

"I'll wait outside", he said.

Brett walked out the door, while Johnny walked up to the man waiting in line.

"Hey mister," he said as he tugged on the corner of his sportcoat. "I think you dropped this."

The man looked at the bill for a moment and said "thanks, kid." He stuck the money in his pocket and turned around to make his order.

"Fuck!" Johnny thought. "How the hell am I going to get his card now?". He paused. He then realized that the mane would have to take out his wallet when he paid for the coffee and food at Starbuck's. "I'll just grab it then" he thought again to himself.

Trying not to look too suspicious Johnny pretended to squint at the menu above the counter so he could get a good go at the wallet when Bob pulled it out of his back pocket. "$7.69" the lady at the counter said to the man. The man then reached into his pocket and pulled out the same 20-dollar-bill that Johnny had just given him. It almost seemed as though Bob didn't have a wallet, at least not that Johnny had seen.

The man got his change, put it back into his left pocket, and took his food back to a table where he waited for Johnny. While Bob was at the table waiting for someone that he had already seen but just didn't know it, Johnny went back to Brett and told him what happened.

"I didn't get his wallet! It's like the loser doesn't even have one!" he exclaimed in a loud manner. "Shhh!" Brett said hastily. "Aren't you worried that someone is going to hear?" Johnny took a brief moment to think about what was just said to him. "Oh yea, well... but... it's New York, do you think anyone is going to REALLY give two shits about some man's wallet?"

The two boys stood at a bench for about five minutes trying to think of another way to get the man's wallet without causing too much of a scene at the Starbuck's that would cause them to be caught by the cops. "I don't know... we already got the 200 bucks, why do you still want his atm card?" Brett suggested. "I mean, this is already MORE than we need" he added. "You're right, but the man seems like he's got a lot of money, and he doesn't seem to sharp either, once I do get a go at his wallet, he's not going to know what to do once it's out of his hands. It's too good to pass up." Johnny noted while looking up at the sky desperately thinking of ways to boost the man's wallet."Hold up, there slick. You already got how much?", Johnny asked in a soft voice.

"Ah...I mean eighty bucks....., I was shooting for the two hundred." Brett said.

Johnny leaped from were he stood, going striaght for Brett's pockets. "Eighty-bucks, huh! What the fuck's this?" Johnny yelled, as he ended his sentence with a punch to Brett's ribs.

2
Main Page Stuff / You can't make this stuff up
« on: January 20, 2017, 08:26:29 PM »
From time to time I still get updates about job openings from when I was a student in college. I guess it's a good thing that they provide this kind of communication to their alumni in the event that they find themselves looking for a job proactively or become unemployed.  

What I didn't realize, though, is just how GULLIBLE younger graduates have become with respect to jobs. Actually, let me rephrase that. How GULLIBLE they have become with pretty much everything. Maybe this stems from them getting the bulk of their news from social media and thinking it's perfectly fine? Maybe high schools are letting kids down by only focusing on making sure that students pass a test?

I got an urgent email from DeSales University warning me about a scam that's been going around. I thought they were referencing the Gmail phishing scam that has been going around recently. Nope, this was something completely different. I thought it was something really bad. Was someone going to their job fairs on campus pretending to be an recruiter from a local organization only to be some kind of crazed rapist dressed in nothing but a trench coat? Are they requesting nude photos prior to being hired and then posting them on their website?

No. None of the above. Actually, they are soliciting college students for administrative positions and then directing the students to deposit phony checks into their accounts and turn around and TRANSFER FUNDS TO ANOTHER INDIVIDUAL BEFORE THE CHECK HAS EVEN CLEARED.

Apparently this kind of how the whole thing goes down according to IC3's website:

"You will need some materials/software and also a time tracker to commence your training and orientation and also you need the software to get started with work. The funds for the software will be provided for you by the company via check. Make sure you use them as instructed for the software and I will refer you to the vendor you are to purchase them from, okay."

"I have forwarded your start-up progress report to the HR Dept. and they will be facilitating your start-up funds with which you will be getting your working equipment from vendors and getting started with training."

"Enclosed is your first check. Please cash the check, take $300 out as your pay, and send the rest to the vendor for supplies."

Honestly, I find this to be quite sad that a university has to send out this kind of communication. No bells go off when they're being hired for this position and no I9, W4 or any other forms are filled out? True, maybe they are presented with phony forms to make it convincing, but I seriously doubt they go through this much trouble. They'll just move on to the next moron. More importantly, though, is that why is your "employer" instructing you to withdraw funds to give to someone else for equipment or software? And why would you dare turn over funds before the check has had a chance to clear?

At the very least there should be push back on the fact that the check must clear before doing anything else.

Seriously, what planet are we on that we have to be telling mid-20-somethings that checks don't clear right away?


3
Main Page Stuff / Back in my day…
« on: January 14, 2017, 08:27:56 PM »
Even back in my day people were gunning others down in theaters
I think it’s appropriate to preface this by saying that back in my day I used to frequent Fark before it went downhill and there was a mass exodus of members. I don’t necessarily think there was any real reason why the site went down hill, either. I think it was a combination of the fact that there was more competition from sites similar to it, as well as the fact that social media became a staple in most people’s lives just before it could get real big and appeal to the masses. This notion really makes sense now because back then most sane people laughed it off thinking no one was ACTUALLY getting their news from social media, but we’ve all found out this is sadly true and has been going on for a long time now.  

This is just a long winded way for me to tell you that yes, I used to frequent Fark a lot back in the early 2000s but now find myself browsing Reddit several times a day.  

I saw in r/AskReddit someone asked “What will be the Millennial generation's ‘I had to walk 20 miles uphill both ways in the snow to school every day’?” and I got to thinking… “Yeah… what will I tell my kids when they’re in their early teens?”  

Some people responded with the obvious “Back in the day you had to wait for the modem to connect to the internet… we only had a 14.4k modem!” or “We had to actually drive our own cars!” but what are some other things that us millennials had to endure that the next generation will find to be barbaric?  

Opposing opinions
Apparently this has been going on for a while now but I have only started to take notice of it over the last 4 or so years. We have a global epidemic going on in which younger people, people post-millennial age, no longer want to listen to other people’s opinions, nor do they want to have to defend their own when questioned by someone who doesn’t share their same view. And I’m not talking about the late 60s and 70s “stick it to the man” mindset.  

The parents of the girl on the ground voted for Trump. She should have known better.
Sadly, I don’t think this is something that is ever going to be fixed. I think thanks in part to technology and social media platforms people are either fed content that plays into their perceived persona that has been extrapolated by some fancy algorithm, or they themselves have effectively doctored what they will “hear” by unfollowing/blocking any friends who don’t seem to meet eye to eye, and only visiting websites and reading content that cater to their own likes.  

Now when they go out in the “real world” and run into someone who doesn’t agree with their opinion on a certain subject matter they no longer know how to effectively deal with the situation.  

Back in my day you would see lengthy forums topics online of people arguing and defending their opinions on something they felt strongly about, or college students could actually have meaningful debates with their professors on a topic when given the opportunity to do so without fear of getting kicked out or ruthlessly ridiculed or attacked by other students. It’s sad - people now seem to have lost their gusto in defending their own opinions and are willing to live in their own little silos.  

Printed TV Guides
Yeah… for all you young people, this was actually a thing. You used to have to wait for the paper to get the TV guide for your cable provider to find out when Teen Mom was going to be airing on MTV. Oh wait, just kidding, we didn’t have trash like that on TV then. MTV actually played music videos then.  

But seriously, you would have to go through this book - usually it was printed every other week if I recall correctly - and highlight or earmark the shows that you wanted to watch or record using your VCR. There were no fancy DVRs with an easy to search/update listing of upcoming shows on each channel. And there was no real easy way to record something that was going to be on late at night. Sure, you could program the VCR to record it when it came on, but you had to program it that day and god forbid if you messed it up then it didn’t get recorded. TV guides rival card catalogues in terms of how primitive things were just 20 years ago. Hell, I don’t think my local library at the time transitioned from the old card catalogue system to computers until 2000. Both of these changes were welcomed by us millennials.  

Maps and MapQuest
I like to brag about the fact that I have a pretty damn good sense of direction and therefore don’t have any issues with using a map to find my way from point A to point B if given a few moments to review the map and maybe take note of one or two significant landmarks indicated on the map in the area. Kids who are just starting to drive now? Not a chance in hell could they use a map. They’re lucky to be able to find their way to their own high school when it’s time for them to start driving on their own without the assistance of a GPS.  

I remember getting lost in New Brunswick, New Jersey in 2005 because I didn’t have a GPS to help guide me and I was just winging it trying to pick someone up. New Brunswick is especially challenging because of the number of one way streets there are - I wound up getting within one block and then just walked the rest. Pretty damn good considering I looked up the directions the night before and was going off of memory. Looking back on the situation I am pretty lucky I didn’t go down the wrong street and wind up being held up at gunpoint and robbed.  

Infrequent Mass Shootings
Almost every week we’re hearing about some kind of mass shooting in which numerous people were gunned down in a public place and even beyond the ones that make the national headlines there are numerous instances that occur on a daily basis around the United States. Did this go on back in the 80s and 90s? Of course it did, but did it happen at such an alarming rate like it does now? I don’t recall there ever being such fear back in the 90s as there is now when it comes to the threat of potentially being gunned down when going out shopping with your family one afternoon.  

This isn’t meant to be a piece on whether gun control should or should not be a thing, all I’m pointing out is that back in the day I think we can all agree that mass shootings did not occur as frequently as they do in 2016/2017. Perhaps the media and social media allows us to hear about these instances at a much higher rate than in prior years, but it sure does seem like the instances of it occurring are much more frequent that they were even back in the early 2000s.  

Aren't we supposed to be driving flying cars already?
Cars that aren’t self driven
Being a geek and a motor head, I’m kind of torn about the notion of cars being able to drive themselves in a few short years. Sure, we already have cars on the roads that are driving themselves, but they are mostly reserved for the rich. And yeah, Uber has some self driving cars on the streets running red lights, too. But they are still not ready to be rolled out in mass quantities.  

In all likelihood though, in 15/20 year’s time cars will no longer be driven by humans but instead by themselves. Just think about all the possibilities there are and how much extra time everyone will have for selfies and other nonsense.  

This for sure is going to be one of those things that I will harp on my kids for when they have the luxury of hopping into their car and having it drive them somewhere without the need of interacting with it. Let’s just hope the iRobot scenario doesn’t play out on us and the cars come after us as a form of rebellion.


4
Main Page Stuff / 2017 New Year's Resolutions for #FFFFF Guys
« on: December 30, 2016, 09:31:50 PM »
To some, this is exactly what happened this year. To those same people, this is what is going to happen over the next four years.
Pretty clever, right? If you don’t get the joke I can’t help you. I can give you a hint though - have you seen MTV’s PSA outlining new year's resolutions for white guys? Let it sink in. You might have to do some Googling to figure it out if you’re not a true geek.  

So here we go again. Another year is about to end and another about to being. Me personally… I honestly don’t see the significance in celebrating yet another revolution around the star that is in the middle of our solar system. I guess it’s another excuse for most people to get shit faced drunk and make poor decisions. Whatever floats your boat, I guess? Social media has been blowing up with people claiming that 2016 has been the “absolute worst year evar” and I am seriously wondering why. Is it because of celebrity deaths? The US election? I sure hope it’s not celebrity deaths that have made this past year the worst ever for many. The geek community will be brought to its knees if we lose another tech icon - Steve Jobs was enough in 2011 let’s wait another few years before we let another tech great log off for good.  

So now it’s time for tons of people to make bullshit resolutions that they’re not even going to bother to keep two weeks after the start of the new year. Some of the most popular resolutions from previous years have been getting in shape, spend less and save more, get organized and read more.  

Fair enough. Those aren’t necessarily bad resolutions. I can get behind most of them. But that’s not what I found through doing my own research on this subject. I went around the local weekend flea market here in eastern Pennsylvania and asked a bunch of random people what their resolutions were and I figured I’d share some of the more interesting ones with you… God help us.  

This is pretty much EXACTLY what Stacey looked like
Stacey Clien, 22 
I’m not going to lie, I’m a sucker for dogs and she just happened to be walking around the flea market with her sister and they had their 3 year old collie with them and couldn’t resist going up to pet the little fella. It’s important to note that Stacey was wearing her favourite Drexel University hoodie and was walking around with her LuLaRoe leggings while carrying a Starbucks cup in one hand and her cell phone surgically attached in the other. I honestly should not have bothered to ask.  

When asked, Stacey told me that she is going to tune on mainstream media and rely solely on social media for her news because as she said “The news failed me this November when I thought Hillary was going to win but they were way wrong. I could have voted for the winning guy but since the news was wrong my vote went to waste” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing out of her mouth. For the hell of it, I decided to ask her what she was studying in college and what her career aspirations were afterwards. Sadly, she told me it was history and she wanted to teach high school students. That was enough for me.  

Brad Green, 28 
Brad was wearing a Bob Marley hoodie and I just wanted to see what he would say for the hell of it, knowing damn well I already knew what he was going to say. When I worked the question into the conversation it was almost like clock work. He went right into a scripted tirade as to why weed should be legal and how he is tired of having his pot sent to him through FedEx. When I asked him if he was worried about drug sniffing dogs one day discovering his package he said that he has tried to have his dog smell the marijuana and is convinced that she has never been able to pick up on the scent through the cardboard that it’s packed in.  

This is probably Dan every other time he is not out of the house
Dan Plock, 44 
Dan was actually a vendor at the flea market who had the typical run down pedo van with a sagging reason suspension and rusted out wheel wells. I honestly wasn’t sure what I was going to hear back from Dan when I haphazardly asked him what his resolutions was going to be. Sure enough, I found myself your typical radical right winged middle aged, white guy who thinks the government is out to get home. Go figure.  

Dan started to go on and on about how he’s going to stockpile as many guns and ammo as he can because he said the government is eventually going to take away the right to purchase firearms. Note that he said purchase, not own. Somehow he transitioned from the topic of guns to the topic of the police being out to get everyone. He was telling me something about one of his friends getting stopped by the police and as soon as the officer stepped up to the car he said “Alright, where’s all the money?” Dan is 100% convinced that the reason why the new $100 bill has the holographic stripe is so law enforcement can see how much money you have in your car and better determine who they are going to pull over.  

I’m guessing he forgot his tin foil hat that morning. Lucky for me an older guy wearing a Vietnam hat came up and that got his attention. Rumor has it that they are still there talking today.  

Abby Fry, 32 
This was an interesting conversation. I don’t even know how I got to talking to Abby and it only lasted for about a minute or two, but in the short time that I talked to her, she told me that her resolution this year was going to be to work even more than she did the previous year while throwing the fact that she works harder and makes more money in the face of her boyfriend “at least 3 times a day” because she said that her mom raised her to be that way and that men were basically inferior. She then proceeded to take out her phone and show me an app that has tracked all of her time she worked last year and was proud to show me that she logged in 74 hours in an average week. She also told me that she was hoping to reconnect with two long lost pen pals in Europe who tried to organize a 3 way with her several years back - she was “willing to give it another try - I was really shocked when I finally met up with them for the first time and realized that they were just trying to con an American girl into having a 3 way with them while writing me letters… I never saw it coming!”  

Uhhh… Right. Call me cynical but that was pretty obvious as soon as she started telling me that.

5
Main Page Stuff / In AD 2101 War Was Beginning
« on: December 12, 2016, 08:31:14 PM »
How are you gentlemen? All your base are belong to us!
A couple of guys over at Bloomberg put together their predictions for the upcoming new year, and my main take away from reading through it is that they are still upset that Hillary lost the election. They are pretty much saying that since one man - Trump - won the 2016 Presidential Election in the US that the entire world as we know it is going to cease to exist.

Certainly, I will admit that he probably wasn’t the best candidate that the Republican Party could have nominated, but the sad reality is that come late January of 2017 he will be president whether we like it or not. Unless of course enough college kids skip class the day after he takes office. He might be forced to then step down or face the reality that because he took office millions of college students aren’t going to graduate with super useful pottery and ultimate frisbee degrees and cease to keep piling on to the tremendous student loan debt that will never be repaid. China will hate us if this happens since they own most of our debt, anyway.

Regardless, I highly doubt that we’re going to see that much change in his first term. I think people are giving modern day Washington too much credit thinking that stuff is actually going to get done for a change. Not going to happen. Sorry, folks. That’s like giving them credit for covering up aliens - do we honestly think that these guys can keep that a secret? Bill Clinton couldn’t even keep Monica Lewenski a secret.

But these guys at Bloomberg got me thinking… What is really going to happen in 2017? Is it going to be all doom and gloom like they want us to believe? No, I don’t think so. I reckon that it’s going to be a great year - I think there are going to be a lot of breakthroughs that are going to change the planet for the better. Here are my predictions for the upcoming new year.

Eradication of Gluten Intolerance
I took a trip to the local grocery story tonight and saw a twenty-something year old woman struggling in the bread aisle to find a loaf of bread that was gluten free. I’m guessing she had a severe gluten allergy, and so did her infant in the shopping cart.

Gluten intolerance has become an epidemic and is really starting to negatively impact the lives of people. It’s gotten so bad in fact that there are even online dating communities dedicated to those who have gluten intolerances. I’ve heard rumors that they are even developing a site similar to LinkedIn for professionals who have gluten intolerances and want to share their accomplishments.

A few researchers from Norway have recently announced that they are on the verge of eliminating gluten from all foods once and for all. They have been doing small scale studies in large abandoned warehouses in which they pump a special gas into the ventilation system and it actively works to destroy gluten in the foods in which it comes in contact. Researches say that if they could retro-fit commercial airliners with special tanks and release them mid flight it should provide enough coverage to stop the epidemic once and for all. They do, however, recommend that people wear tin foil hats when this happens because people are likely to think that planes are leaving behind what are known are “chem clouds”. Also, jet fuel can’t melt steel beams.

This stack of US currency represents the entire cost of tuition of just two Ultimate Frisbee graduates.
Elimination of All Student Loan Debt
It’s really no surprise that student loan debt is out of control in the United States. What did we expect was going to happen when colleges claimed that everyone should go to college and then society agreed and more or less shamed all young adults to go to college regardless of whether or not they should have actually went. How do we honestly expect an 18 year old kid who can barely even wake up before 10am on their own accord to make such significant financial decisions so early on in their life. They do not understand the weight of a 60, 70 or in some cases 100,000 dollar loan. Then to make matters worse, they major in something like ultimate frisbee and wonder how they’re going to pay back $100,000 with crazy interest rates.

But not to worry, 2017 is going to be their lucky year when Donald Trump takes a page out of Bernie Sanders’ book and mandates that all universities in the United States will be free for all and all outstanding student loan debt will be forgiven. Nevermind the immediate downward spiral the global economy would take because of such an event, but thank god almighty universities are finally free for all. Bring on the endless cry ins, free tacos, and exams that you may or may not have to take!

But how is this all going to be paid for? Don’t worry - Keely Mullen has a plan to make it happen that she so eloquently laid out on national TV in an interview with Neil Cavuto. We’re going to tax the 1% at an unheard of tax rate of 99% in order to make up for the inequality and unjust loans in the country. Unfortunately, this still leaves a fairly large gap that still needs to be covered. Maybe the problem lies within the tremendous increases in tuition? Just a thought.

Police Forces Turning in Their Weapons
In a strange turn of events in 2017, Trump is going to slowly but surely take away the guns from our men and women in uniform and instead give them rape whistles and wooden pistols to stop the bad guys. We can thank the 2010 movie “The Other Guys” for this.

It’s no surprise that the media wants us to believe that it’s all over if you get pulled over by the police. They want you to think that you’re going to get shot up for speeding or not using your indicator when turning. In fact, rumor has it that some countries are actually issuing warnings to their citizens that they advise against traveling to the United States if they do not have to. What the media doesn’t tell you, however, is that if you are speeding, pulled over, and then give them a hard time and lead them to believe that you have something to hide you’re more likely to be viewed in a negative light by law enforcement. How it unfolds from there is between you and the police officer, but you probably shouldn’t let it ever get to that point. I will agree that there are crooked cops out there just as there are crooked teachers, doctors, etc, but the media has blown this out of proportion.

The police paranoia has gotten so bad, in fact, that people are actually calling the police well... on the police. You’re a cop trying to take college courses by attending courses right after a shift but don’t have time to change out of your uniform? Watch out, the professor is likely to stop the class and dial 911 because you’re an armed police officer in class. Obviously, in this situation, the police refused to show up citing that the police officer was well within his rights to open carry while in class. If anything, wouldn’t those in class feel more safe with a police officer given how many school shootings there have been recently?

Not to worry, Trump is going to pass an executive order prohibiting all police officers from carrying any type of real weapon with them lest it’s a rape whistle or wooden pistol. This should put an end to the rash of killings carried out by police with itchy trigger fingers. The proposed order will state that until the score is even between civilians and police, they will not be able to carry firearms. Once even, they then will be able to carry a pistol with a special one round magazine.

Google Image Search for 'skull cap'... Close enough, I guess.
All US-Based ISPs Imposing Asinine Bandwidth Caps
Thinking about being one of the millions who are “cutting the cord”? Think again. It’s no secret that cable companies in the US absolutely RAPE their customers. Between outlandish costs to “rent” their crappy equipment, about four minutes of commercials per ten minutes of live content, and them throttling traffic from Netflix and other streaming services, it doesn’t take an industry expert to understand that they have a virtual monopoly on digital content consumption in the US, and there’s nothing anyone can do about it. And they know this.

Going to cut the cord? Fine, go ahead and do it. But they will just put some insanely low bandwidth cap on your connection and then charge you X per gig over that limit. Why? Because they have to (want to) come up with that lost income somehow and that’s the way that they can do it. And what do you know? Come the end of the month your bill will almost be exactly the same as it was prior to cutting the cord.

I would wager a fair amount of money that many major ISPs in 2017 will be implementing lower and lower bandwidth caps until the FCC has to step in and mandate it. What’s next? ISPs are going to start filtering out what they believe to be “fake news” since it doesn’t promote their agenda and their respective party they are backing in Washington?

Under no circumstances am I to be held liable should any of the above actually happen or not in 2017. I think this is the same for every year that goes by, but 2016 shouldn't be a really hard year to overcome. 2017 doesn't have big shoes to fill, that's for certain. I for one, however, am anxious to see what the year 2101 A.D. brings us.

6
Just think...all of this to save $50
Better late than never, I suppose. Normally most people start their Christmas shopping the second they put down the fork from eating pumpkin pie on Thanksgiving to go beat the living hell out of each other to save $50 on a shitty TV. I’ll admit, this year I have gotten off to a late start, and don't plan on starting anytime soon, to be honest.

You know the drill - It's always a hassle - what should I buy little Sally? Does Mike like video games? What about Beth, does she like working out? (Because I know I saw that post on Facebook about how she hates being overweight) Who the hell really knows because you only see them once a year around the holidays, and any more frequently than that and you would wind up in a federal pound me in the ass prison for killing them in their sleep.

In no particular order, I have put together a randomly selected gift list for little Sally, Mike, and Beth. Don’t blame me if they absolutely hate what you got them… seriously… it’s not my fault.

Little Sally - The Ultimate Selfie Stick
The Ultimate Selfie Stick is a MUST have for those women in their early 20s (Maybe even early 30s in some cases given society these days) who really enjoying taking selfies before they go for a night out on the town, leave the bathroom, or even something as simple as eat a cheese puff.

Are you not sure if Sally likes to take selfies? Just check her Instagram account to see how many self-absorbed pictures she’s taken of herself recently. Chances are there are probably a lot, and chances are she has a bunch that are pretty crappy quality. Enter the Ultimate Selfie Stick. The Ultimate Selfie Stick solves this problem because not only does it have a 7 foot telescoping arm that will be able to annoy the ever living shit out of anyone else within a 7 foot radius, but it has ultra-bright LED lights that can change colors based on mood, a built in fan to really work the hair, and built in filters to eliminate the need to “guess” what filter will make the picture look the best.

Be forewarned however: The Ultimate Selfie Stick only works with the latest version of the iPhone and in no way will it work with an Android device. Who even uses those things, anyway? So not cool.

If I had to look 'neck beard' up in the dictionary, this should be the picture next to its definition
Mike - The Hot Pocket Holder
Mike. You know… The neck-bearded video gamer who you call your nephew who is 16 but acts like he’s 8 and shows no sign of growing up because all he does is play video games in his pajamas and eat hot pockets like they’re going out of style. That Mike.

The Hot Pocket Holder is a sure fire way to make Mike’s terribly difficult existence even easier (As if it couldn’t have been an easier). Just think of the struggle he has when trying to eat while playing Call of Duty on his xBox 360. It’s hot, his fingers get greasy, he burns himself, he gets crumbs everywhere. Enter the Hot Pocket Holder. It attaches right to the controller itself to allow for interruption free hot pocket sessions while playing CoD. Problem solved. Now Mike’s biggest problem will be getting out of bed in the morning, and probably finding a girlfriend.

2 weeks of pull ups and you'll be looking like this in no time!
Beth - Total Upper Body Workout Bar
Ever since you saw that sad post on Facebook over the summer you have had the sneaking suspicion that Beth wants to lose weight and get into shape but doesn’t know where to go for help. You’ve had the urge to post on her wall asking her if she wants to drop a few sizes but realized that doing that might not be the best idea, and you’ve contemplated texting her but soon realized that doing so might spark up a conversation which you want to avoid.

How about using the holidays to suggest to her that she should get into shape? Get her the Total Upper Body Workout Bar to mount in her door frame. Never mind that pull ups and chin ups are almost next to impossible for a beginner to do, it doesn’t matter since you’ve seen countless infomercials proclaiming how great it is, and you’ve seen them used extensively in P90X videos that you illegally downloaded.

Make sure you encourage Beth to take a video of herself making the first attempt at using it. It can only end in the bar breaking free of its mounts and smacking out her front teeth and break her nose. And if she does, please make sure you encourage her to post the video on YouTube to "encourage" others.

We’ve got less than 20 days left until the big day so go ahead and get out there and start buying some useless crap for people you never see except around the holidays. Oh, and don’t forget… make sure you use the good old credit card to rack up the debt so you can complain about it year-round.


7
Anarchy / Blast from the Past
« on: December 01, 2016, 07:15:20 PM »
Alright... let's get them going...

I present to you... That bitch stole my HTML

I forgot about this until I was editing some HTML for this theme.

8
Main Page Stuff / The News Doesn't Like Fake News
« on: December 01, 2016, 05:20:39 PM »

Main stream media - aka "the news" is reporting that fake news - aka "the news" - might have played a bigger part in the recent presidential election that was previously thought. They're blaming Facebook for propagating fake news which fueled Trump's rise to power because people who were on the fence for Hillary decided they read one too many negative news articles about her and thus voted for Trump. Obama is hinting at censorship to combat this problem, but I think the real problem is the fact that we actually have enough people in society now who are relying on a site like Facebook for their main source of news.

It was bad enough having to sift through the biased news articles on CNN's and FOX News' website because there were always considered to be questionable, but now we have people thinking Facebook is a real source for news? What's next? People are going to start relying on people's internet dating profiles for their autobiographies? That seems kind of crazy, right? Why? Because we all know that what people write on the internet is just one big lie to begin with.

"I read it on the internet, it must be true" was always a sarcastic dig at the internet's credibility up until about November 8th 2016 when Americans actually believed that because they read it on the internet, well, then it must be true! But what about before November 8th? Was fake news a problem then? Were there internet hoaxes before then? Of course there were! But people were mostly too smart at the time to fall for them.

Share this picture and BMW is going to give away a brand new BMW!

Share this picture of a BMW and win a new BMW!
Share this picture of a BMW and win a new BMW!

I have probably seen something like this at least 500 times on social media in the last few years. Actually, since it is close to the holidays, my news feed is long over due for one. And it usually isn't just BMW giving away one car, they some how made exactly 22 too many of a certain model and need to get rid of them so they're going to be giving them away to a random 22 people who like and share the image on Facebook.

Back in 2007/2008 when this sort of thing was tried not many people fell for it. Sure, there weren't as many people using social media at the time, but it just feels as though now people are more gullible and believe something like this more than they did in 2007/2008. Who knows though, maybe companies like BMW and RV companies are doing so well that they're willing to give away some free stuff. Hey, it's worth a shot, right?

What's the worst that can happen? Most of your friends will see that you shared it and think you're gullible. No. Don't be ridiculous - they're going to share it as well.

This guy who just won the Power Ball is going to give away $10 million!!!1

How many times have we seen this right after a big drawing? You know, the one that no one wins, yet somehow some asshole claims that they won and tries to go viral by posting a picture of him holding up a Photoshopped lottery ticket. The gimmick is that if you like and share the picture he or she will randomly select someone and see to it that they get $10 million dollars of their earnings.

I'll tell you what... If I just won a Power Ball drawing worth $300 million I would not be advertising to the world that I won and I wouldn't be advertising that I fake won, either. $300 million is a lot of cash and people will actually kill for that amount of money. That isn't just "well off" money, that is money that can start to shape local economies if used correctly.

This is almost like the people who are protesting Trump winning yet didn't even vote. Why would you do that? You got your chance at democracy and you blew it. If you actually win the lottery and then advertise it to the world that you won then you blew your chance at actually being able to enjoy the money.

Methodus Toolz

Pseudo Hacking Toolz for l33t h4x0rs
Pseudo Hacking Toolz for l33t h4x0rs

Talk about a blast from the past, Methodus Toolz was a program from 1999/2000 that was used to "hack" AOL accounts and give other users viruses if you felt inclined to do so. If I recall correctly, one of the features included a "hard drive spinner" that would make your hard drive spin wildly out of control and burn up and burn your entire house down while in the process.

Users of the program believed this so much that they would use it at the first hint of an argument in a chat room. Didn't think Britney Spears was hot? Get ready to get h4x0red!

What they failed to realize was that the program itself (Methodus Toolz) was more than likely some kind of virus that allowed its coders to gain sensitive information. The only down side about the whole plot was that the developer didn't realize that 12 year olds don't have bank account information on their computers.

The list can really go on and on. This is nothing new. It didn't take the internet to suddenly fabricate fake news or other fake stories. The problem is people's overall willingness to believe what they're consuming and taking it literally at face value.

People - you need to wake up. You can't rely on The Onion for news, nor can you rely CNN, Fox News, a website with the term "3 percent" in the domain name, or a site like Jezebel to deliver unbiased news. Use multiple sources and most of all use you common sense. Jesus.


9
Main Page Stuff / Trump's First 100 Days
« on: December 01, 2016, 05:19:30 PM »
I don't know who did this, but whoever did deserves a cookie.
I don't know who did this

Unless you've been living under a rock these past several days, Donald Trump has won enough electoral votes in the United States to secure the office of President starting in January of 2017. Obviously this has rubbed some people the wrong way. Pretty much every campus in the United States is up in arms about Hill-dawg loosing and people have taken to the streets in protest, claiming that Donald Trump is bad for the country and the world... ironically all while they are destroying their very own communities in some cases.

I hate to sound cliche but at this point what's done is what's done. It's an absolute shame that it came down to those two. In almost every election Americans seem to think that they are forced to pick between the lesser of two evils and this election it was even more evident that ever before.

Trump has an ambitious first 100 days all planned out once he officially takes office on January 20th. In fact, I checked his website and I figured I'd share some of the more outrageous "ideas" he's hoping to implement with the help of the House and the Senate.

Banning the Use of the Phrase 'Trump Card'

Trump said he is going to require all tax payers to indicate how many times they used the phrase "trump card" within that tax year and charge them a tax accordingly based on the number of times it was used. He's tried of it being used as a pun towards him and wants it to stop right away. His economists claim this alone will generate nearly $1.3 billion in extra cash flow to the federal government during the first 2 years of his presidency.

Mandatory Spray Tans for All

This is actually pretty brilliant. Trump says that he is going to ditch Obamacare and use some of the money that the government would have spent administrating the program to provide spray tans for all 360 million Americans regardless of their sex, sexual orientation, religion, age, nationality, or political affiliation. He estimates that by doing this he will create upwards of 100,000 jobs in the spray tan industry, which was a once struggling industry after MTV stopped airing Jersey Shore.

Debate Course for All College Students

And no, he's not going to make college free. But within the first 100 days in office Trump wants to make sure that each and every college student gets a chance to take a debate course that he and his campaign staff have put together curricula for. Glancing through the proposed learning outcomes, Trump says that his hopes are that each student will graduate knowing how to debate someone to get what they want: interrupt them after each sentence they speak, answer a completely different question than that was asked, and effectively talk with your hands. He says that young adults these days don't really know how to effectively debate which is evident during the post-election protests and riots taking place.

Immigrant Wives

Trump was able to get Anna Kournikova to endorse his plans to revive the mail order bride industry
Trump was able to get Anna Kournikova to endorse his plans to revive the mail order bride industry

In an effort to fix relations with foreign countries (Mainly Russia) Trump says that he is going to re-kindle the old Russian Mail Order Bride business. He said that with today's technology and the US Dollar becoming strong once again, it will only allow the service to take off and provide hope for many young Russian women. He will enlist the help of Dr. Neil Clark Warren, founder and CEO of eHarmony to get the service off the ground. He did mention that a serious system of checks and balances need to be in place to assure that no Russians who have links to terrorist organizations are allowed in. Some of these immigrant women will be allowed to work in the spray tan industry once they arrive.

Casinos in Every City

Everyone puts the name "Trump" with Casino. They go together like tuna fish and lamb. If you've been to Atlantic City in the last 10 years or so, it's no secret that the city is doing rather poorly. Many casinos have since closed their doors and if you walk one or two blocks off the main strip after sundown you're most likely going to get mugged. Trump's idea to revitalize this once booming industry is to make casinos more common in the United States. It's next to impossible for a new casino to open up in an urban area because of all the red tape associate with opening up a new one. He's going to work to get rid of a lot of that red tape and bring the minimum age down to 16, citing that young kids need to learn what bad choices are at an early age rather than having to wait until they're 21 to realize that gambling is a huge waste of money.

Those were just some of the things he's planning on doing during the first 100 days that he's in office. Based on the above, I think it's a solid game plan and I think he's going to have a great 4 years ahead of him for the simple fact that he's going to save the spray tan industry.


10
My sources tell me this is Thin Lizzy, who claim the boys are back in town.
My sources tell me this is Thin Lizzy, who claim the boys are back in town.

It's been a very, very long time since I've done anything with any of my web-based stuff. True, I've gotten a lot older (Read: wiser) since I was introduced to the internet at the ripe old age of just 14 and some things that were once important to me just aren't even on my radar anymore. If you're reading this and you're 14 or 15 (Do they even teach kids how to read these days?) this concept might not make sense to you now, but give it another 10/15 years and you will have that magical "ah-ha!" moment when you look back and ask yourself "How did I ever once give two shits about that shit?"

I'll admit, web development was one of those things that kind of went by the wayside. I had (and still have) tons of other stuff going on in my life that really trump (No pun-intended!) developing new web content, not to mention staying on top of the endless software patches that are needed to operate a website/server. Within the last week or so, I have since migrated all of my web content to a much cheaper host and have fixed up the forums so they are now working once again. It's my intention to stay on top of this shit since I am at a much more stable point in my life now than I was over the last several years.

So if you're reading this now and wonder what the hell I'm talking about - I'll give you some background. I registered this domain name back in early 2001 and developed it into what was then known as an E/N website - Everything and Nothing. They were old school "blogs" that weren't run by whiney wine-guzzling-hippies like today's blogs. They were run by down to Earth chill people who just wanted a little slice of the web to their own. And I was one of those people. Back around 2008/2009 I simply had too much stuff going on in my life and could not really afford to dedicate any time to my side projects anymore. Sadly, I just kind of let the place die off. The software/content management systems started to break since they were neglected and that was pretty much the end of it.

That being said, let me bring you up to speed on a few things that attributed to me not having time between 2009 and 2016 to devote myself to my web-ventures.

Work and College

Combined these two things took up the bulk of my time. Looking back at my course load in college and how much I worked, I honestly don't know how I did it. I always took a full course load, and I usually found myself to be working between 60 and 70 hours a week in the restaurant industry as a general manager. So here we are in 2016 and I can now confirm this is a rare thing these days - you know, to work full time and go to college full time. I will say, Bernie Sanders was the closest thing everyone has had to not having to endure juggling work and college courses at the same time. Unless of course you have rich parents who buy you everything. Don't worry though, if you're one of those special snowflakes it might seem awesome to you now and you might try and rub it in your friend's faces, but give it enough time... they are doing you a disservice and you will one day realize this. Let that sink in now.

Lifting Shit

This is kind of what happens when you tear a pec. This is also kind of not me.
This is kind of what happens when you tear a pec. This is also kind of not me.

I'm pretty much the text book definition of a geek. But the one part I do stray from the norm when it comes to traditional geeks is that I like to lift. And I'm not talking about just showing up to the gym for a few minutes to get a few sets in and then leave just so I can tell myself I went to the gym that day. No. I'm talking about power lifting at the competitive level. It might have started out as me just going to the gym for the sake of going to the gym but then some time in 2009/2010 I got into power lifting thanks to a guy I met in college who convinced me to start switching up the way I lifted. I competed about 8 times and placed 6 times out of those 8. In 2015 it was going to be the first time I would compete in the 220lb weight class but I tore my left pectoral 5 days prior to the competition. Surprisingly it did not hurt as much as one would think. I tell people it felt like someone took a bendy straw and pulled it apart so the accordion piece was stretched out. For those of you who MUST have numbers: I was able to squat 450, bench 380, and dead lift 500 right before the injury. I'm still on the road to recovery today.

Life

Last but not least... I've been busy living life. You know, finding the right woman of my dreams, finding a house to move in to, all that fun stuff. So now that I have all of that stuff out of the way, I can not afford to spend a little more time doing side projects such as this. Besides, this is way cheaper than some other hobbies or things I could be doing with my free time. If money ever gets tight, I guess I could always go on Craigslist and find a part time or full time protesting job in my nearby city.

I realize it's a long road ahead for me to get this place kind of running again. I'll work on getting some of my older content migrated over, as well as get the color scheme and theme locked down. I'll try to keep BS posts like this down to a minimum. After all, this was always intended to be a spot for biased and unbalanced news.


11
Anarchy / New Theme and Stuff
« on: November 29, 2016, 05:51:01 PM »
Alright so I've made a few changes to the look and feel of the forums.

Everyone should now be on a dark retro-ish Geek Forum-style theme. If anything is broken let me know in this thread. Also... I couldn't resist re-installing the shoutbox. What the hell.

Some of you guys might have to update your bookmarks.

geekforum.org now redirects directly to http://www.geekforum.org/index.php?action=forum which is the URL for the forum index.

gotthegeek.com now redirects to http://www.geekforum.org/index.php which is a Slashdot-like home page where articles can be posted and certain threads can be "promoted" to the main page.

Update your bookmarks accordingly depending on how much BS you want yourself to be exposed to. By combining things this way I can just focus on one site rather than two. Half the trouble, double the fun. I think.

12
Political Opinions / Here's how to outsmart fake news in your Facebook feed
« on: November 18, 2016, 02:55:59 PM »
Come on people... really

Or how about you don't use Facebook for your source of news. Or use CNN, for that matter. Or FOX. Or any of the other US News outlets.

At what point did people think it was acceptable to use Facebook for their daily dose of domestic and world news? Seriously? This is what we have come to as a society?

13
Main Page Stuff / How to Use Social Media to Your Benefit
« on: November 16, 2016, 09:00:16 PM »

It's 2016 and there's a social media platform for just about everything you can think of. There are even dating websites for just about every niche you can think of - AKA Gluten Free Singles. But what's not clear is how to navigate through all of the major platforms that are out there. Is it still cool to use MySpace? What about Facebook? Will my parents and family be able to see all the stuff I post on Facebook? What about Instagram? Is it alright to post selfies 8 times a day on Instagram? Can I send nudes with Snapchat? Do they really disappear after a few seconds or are they actually stored someplace?

Your typical cliche saying. #Typical
Your typical cliche saying. #Typical #NoTimeForDrama #LiveLaughLove

The truth is a lot of teens and young adults have discovered that they can fabricate a false persona through their social media accounts. Remember back in the late 90s and early 2000s when internet forums were kind of a big thing and everyone could be a doctor or nuclear engineer? Well now you have 20-somethings who seem like they are on vacation all year round based on the pictures they post on Facebook, they're all high powered finance executives at companies no one has ever heard thanks to LinkedIn, and they have at least 2 BMWs and a Ferrari according to their Instagram. #OMGwhogivesafuck

If you're new to this game, have no fear, I'm going to give you some tips that you can use on each platform in order to boost your ego all while making your friends and people you're connected with feel worse about their poor insignificant existence. Be careful using all of these tips though: you may inadvertently start a one up war in which your friends and connections will start to passively aggressively post comments that may or may not be directed towards you as well as as cliche pictures with captions like "I AIN'T GOT TIME FOR NO DRAMA" or "Live Laugh Love". (Tip for all you guys out there in the online dating scene - if her profile reads: 'if you can't handle me at my worst you don't deserve me at my best' this means RUN the other way. No seriously. Don't. Even. Bother.)

MySpace

Let's start with the social media platform that really started it all: MySpace. There might have been other smaller sites like it at the same time, but they didn't take off like MySpace did. But it only had its reign for a few short years before Facebook stole its thunder by allowing even non-college students to sign up for its services. So how do you go about leveraging MySpace today for your own personal gain? Well, to be honest... there's really no way to do it since it's more or less dead. If you're old enough and have an old MySpace account, you can go back into your account and maybe change around your old profile pictures to make it look like you were someone else growing up.

Maybe that's how you leverage it! You replace some of your older pictures with pictures of someone who almost looks like you but isn't. Make sure they look handicapped this way you can claim that you beat all odds to walk again even though all of the doctors you saw since the day you were born said you would never walk. Due to your condition.

Also be sure to only have pictures of only one parent this way people will think that you were only raised by a single father or a single mother only helping to perpetrate the fact that you had overwhelming odds to overcome to amount to anything.

Facebook

This is it. This is your time to shine! The most popular social media platform on the planet! You probably already have an account set up, but the question is how to you use it to lie about who you really are?

The first step is to pretty much delete every "basic" picture of you. And by basic I mean pictures of you from a family gathering or perhaps a family holiday party. Let's face it, those are pretty dull and boring. Have you ever looked at someone family Christmas pictures and thought to yourself, "My god, it looks like they were having the time of their lives in this picture!"? Exactly - no one has ever thought this. So delete them.

Your goal is to leverage Facebook in such a way that your friends think you are always living on the edge and are always having the time of your life. Find some random pictures of a tropical setting from doing a few obscure Google Image searches and pass them off as your own and caption each one with a great description like "Can't wait to go back to my safe place next year!" or "Until next year Fiji!" this way your friends really start to believe that you take vacations every other month.

On vacation in Fiji. Can't wait to go back #HomeSweetHome
On vacation in Fiji. Can't wait to go back #HomeSweetHome

Here are some things you should try to post more pictures of in order to make yourself seem more interesting: tattoos, red solo cups, cars that aren't even yours, dogs, mirrors, guns, Starbucks cups, new shoes, a picture of yourself in a car while in the driver's seat holding an open bottle of alcohol, a gym selfie of you flexing with your big 11 inch biceps, group pictures from a bachelor or bachelorette party, any picture of you where you look completely trashed from a night of partying, the aftermath of a party in your parent's house, pictures from the cheapest seats in the stadium because you have no money because you spent it all on drugs and/or alcohol, your plate of food from Olive Garden with a clever hashtag in the description, and a picture of yourself from when you were younger to show how much you've grown up.

Let's not forget to use Facebook to serve as your political podium to let the entire world know about your opinions on certain politics. And it's alright to flip-flop your views in the span of just 24 hours. People won't remember what your thoughts were yesterday so it's fine to lean democrat one day and then republican the next if you think your party might not win the presidential race. Think of it like front runners in sports - you need to root for whoever is winning this way you're always part of a winning team.

Instagram

Instagram is like Facebook, but minus some of the annoying words and sentences and stuff. The upside of Instagram - or affectionately known as just "IG" by some - is that it's just pictures with a few descriptions. So basically take the above stuff I mentioned about Facebook and apply it to IG, but multiply it by 100. Oh, and let's not forget the filters that you need to apply otherwise people won't even bother looking at your IG account. Pro tip: if you're going to be taking lots of selfies and putting them on IG, make sure to use a light filter that makes it seem like the room is filled with purple-ish smoke. This way people can't really tell if you're really ripped or it's just the filter and lighting combining to cause this effect.

LinkedIn

LinkedIn is probably the dumbest of all social media sites in that the entire site is just one big circle jerk of "professionals" stroking each other's egos in an effort to make them feel better about their piss poor career choices. Go ahead, browse around on LinkedIn. You'll be amazed at how many people have VP titles, CEO titles, CFO titles... that's because it's mostly people trying to make themselves seem more powerful than they really are. A guy uses Legal Zoom to start an LLC and guess what? The very next day he's on LinkedIn updating his profile to reflect the fact that he's now a CEO. Congratulations, you're the CEO of a one person company.

Just got done filling out the forms on Legal Zoom for his LLC. Current title: CEO
Just got done filling out the forms on Legal Zoom for his LLC. Current title: CEO - Current Number of Employees: None

So how do you leverage LinkedIn to make yourself seem powerful? Easy. Pick a career you want to have and think who are the top companies in that field. Technology? Microsoft, Google, Facebook, etc. Great. Use those places as places where you formerly worked and make up some bogus job titles with bogus job descriptions. Where do you currently work? Just put "VP at Company Confidential" and professionally explain to potential connects that you don't want to publish your current employer because you don't want a million sales people calling and emailing you this way you can be more accessible to your shareholders and employees. Problem solved. It also doesn't hurt to list every. single. job. you've ever held since the time you were able to walk. Did you mow lawns for a little cash when you were 12? Put that in your profile. There's nothing wrong with putting that job you only had for two weeks because you got tired of it and just walked out. Potential employers LOVE seeing diversity in your resume and job skills. After all, isn't diversity the big message after this year's presidential election?

Another key thing is to make sure you publish one or two well thought out articles - or "Insights" as LinkedIn calls them - this way readers really know that you are an expert in your field. Actually, I'm just kidding. You could copy and paste the Bill of Rights on LinkedIn and people would post comments saying how they agree with you wholeheartedly and they wished more people in corporate America had a VP with your mentality. No one actually reads this nonsense so just go ahead and copy and paste something you read on Forbes and pass it off as your own. No one will notice and no one will call you out on it.

And finally, make sure you list a bunch of causes you really care about. You know, being a member of a not for profit board, animal welfare, saving baby orcas. Doing this will really make it seem like you spread yourself so thin that you're on the verge of a mental breakdown any second but you do it out of sheer love for your causes. But don't tell them you actually don't want to be part of a not for profit board. That would be unprofessional. If approached just tell them you're already a part of one and that you rarely update your LinkedIn profile.

Twitter

Twitter is an odd platform because it only allows you to use 120 characters to get your point across. This platform is usually pretty dead until Sundays during football season and then every football fan suddenly because Dan Marino and knows exactly what every single player on the field should have done on a particular play. Because they have played exactly 0 games before in their life. Well, aside from on their xBox, perhaps.

My advice to you... just follow everyone. Follow as many people as you can because apparently Twitter etiquette states that you MUST follow someone back if they follow you. So in theory you should be able to have the entire world population follow you. Who knows, you might even be able to get the RealDonaldTrump to follow you back.

Oh. One more thing about Twitter... Hashtags. #YouKnowThis. #Hashtag #everything #because #that's #what #the #world #has #come #to.

This is a pretty good start to get you up to speed on how to make you seem like you are someone that you are not. Go ahead and give it a try - I think you will be surprised at the results you will get after just a month or two. At first it might seem a little shady to you but remember - almost everyone nowadays is doing this. In fact, this is one of the reasons why the job market is so tough. People blatantly lie on their resumes (And LinkedIn profiles) so much that "nice guys" get overlooked because everyone else is turning in completely made up resumes designed to be heavy on certain key words. Let that sink in for a few minutes if you've been on the job hunt for a while.

Go ahead and start playing dirty. It'll make you feel good and it'll start getting you things you never previously had. It's 2016, soon to be 2017 - it's a whole new world out there.


14
Entertainment / Recommend me a movie
« on: November 13, 2016, 07:50:58 PM »
What 5 movies would you put on a list for someone to watch? I've been finding myself having a hard time finding good movies these days to watch... just seems like Hollywood has been putting out really shallow stories more often than not these days.

My current top 5 for 2017 would be:

Interstellar
Inception
12 Angry Men
Predator
We Were Soldiers


15
For those of you who use Chrome as their browser, what are some must have extensions that make your browsing experience that much better?

For me, I'll go with the obvious two:

AdBlock Plus
uBlock Origin

Either of them are pretty good for killing ads in my opinion. Unless of course, someone recommends something even better.

16
Flamer's Corner / Gym Rants
« on: November 07, 2016, 08:47:58 PM »
<rant>

Nothing grinds my gears in the gym more than someone using free weights and intentionally dropping them for god knows what reason. I can only guess that they need to do this in order to assert their masculinity or draw attention to themselves.

</rant>

17
Eh, 2017 is only a few weeks away, so why not just label it 2017 to get it out of the way? After all, all the car companies are doing it so why not us?

So let's see what you got! Here's my work/personal setup I'm currently rocking. I will post some more detailed pics later of the Narwhal case to the right of my desk. By far the best computer case I've ever owned.

18
Political Opinions / CLINTON VS. TRUMP
« on: November 04, 2016, 03:47:12 PM »
...annnnd go!

 :slap

We got about 4 days left to go. I got my money on Trump winning. Are either a good choice? No. Are either one of them going to do the country any good? No.

No matter the outcome of next Tuesday. it's going to be a very. very sad day for us Americans. For those of you geeks reading this from other countries... I apologize ahead of time.

19
Anarchy / Read me, Seymour!
« on: November 04, 2016, 03:33:19 PM »
So this has been a long time coming, and the day is here. The walls are finally patched, new grass has been planted and flowers are blooming.

No, not really. Shit broke with the server/forum. We're now on a new server (Read: Group of servers, technically) with the latest version of SMF. I'm going to try to keep the add ons to the bare minimal since they tend to break things, anyway.

I landed a new work at home job back in June and have finally gotten back on my feet from getting acclimated to a new work environment. Though I won't name names, I am glad to be working for the best tech company. (No seriously... Forbes ranked them #1) The benefits and perks it has afforded me are amazing.

Bringing the forums back to life (Again - once before in 2014 then shit hit the fan) made me think about the times in the early 2000s when all of us migrated here from HN. It was a much more simple time. Hell, we even got to mock thunder3davis. - This post by Demo really gives a good recount. Then social media hit and it seemed like the place died off and everyone went their separate ways. Now here we are in 2016 and everyone seems to be fed up with social media. Every other post is about politics, a viral video that you saw 10 days ago because you frequent Reddit, someone posing in the mirror for a selfie for the second time today, or maybe it's just another ad they're trying to cram down your throat... you know... based on your recent search history.

I've done some stupid stuff before in the past on here... Like run ads to try to make a few extra dollars. Now I'm a lot wiser and I  realize that there's something to be said about a place like this. No ads, no bots posting junk, no biased reviews of some weird shampoo shit, just a bunch of geeks checking in throughout the day while at work bickering with each other.

So I'm going to keep it that way. No ads, no BS. 

20
I'm waiting for someone to claim that the plane that went down today was actually MH Flight 370 that went missing in March.

What have you heard so far?

21
Anarchy / The Allegory of The Facebook
« on: July 16, 2014, 09:36:23 PM »
If I only know the world through Facebook...

I would think that a woman winning the ninja warrior was like Christ getting crucified. This must have been in my news feed about 15 times today.

I would also think that my friends from high school never really got jobs after college because they only ever post pictures of themselves at parties or on the beach. Oh wait... this might actually be true!

22
Anarchy / Upgrades!!!1
« on: July 15, 2014, 09:45:03 PM »
I've upgraded the forums from version 2.0.3 and brought them up to their current version 2.0.8. I'm not sure what has changed.

Actually, I'm convinced that nothing has changed and SMF just wants me to install upgrades every now and then. If you notice anything wacky, this will be the thread to post in for the next several days while features are used and explored. I'm going to see if I can get at least one cool (Read: dark) theme installed and supported.

23
Political Opinions / They're Reading This Right Now
« on: July 14, 2014, 09:33:00 PM »
I just read this article.

I'm honestly surprised that people are shocked that this might actually be the truth. Did people honestly think they have privacy when using Facebook, Twitter, Google+, and especially these forums? I mean, seriously.,, c'mon people.

If you're going to take naked pictures of your girlfriend, boyfriend, or whoever, don't think that by you putting them on your Google Drive that you're guaranteed privacy. Will the data be backed up? Sure. Will you ever be able to truly delete it? You probably have a better chance of hell freezing over. It's funny how comfortable people have gotten with the internet over the last 10 years or so.

When I first started these forums the internet was already huge, but social networks like Facebook and Myspace were really just starting out. Actually, I think these forums were started before them. (Hey! Go Chris!) But certainly then I think we all had a good understanding that by no means were we ever guaranteed privacy on the internet when relying on a third party to store our data. When the hell did we cross this line that we demand privacy by using Facebook or other forms of social media? 

24
Anarchy / Who are we missing?
« on: July 13, 2014, 11:25:20 PM »
I see a decent number of us found our way back here. Who else are we missing from the mix? Maybe we can convert them back to the dark side.

25
This past January I took my car (2003 Audi A6, 2.7T) in for service for a coolant leak. Of course they found the coolant leak, along with a slew of other things, one of them being the dire need of a new timing belt, thermostat, water pump, serpentine belt, and a few other minor accessories while everything was taken apart. The cost? About $3500.  :-o

The $3500 was a quote from the dealer. I refuse to take this car to any local shop as it seems from my past experiences that they simply cannot work on German cars without messing something up. (My town is pro-Ford and Chevy and finding parts for anything but one of those two makes is next to impossible without having to order them online)

So what did I do? Just what any other geek would do... Do it myself, of course. Certainly I had to do a little reading up about the car as there were a few things I wasn't too sure about, but I am quite surprised at how easy and straight forward the entire job was despite its complexity when looking at pictures (As you'll see below).

I think the entire job required about 10 different tools (Including 'weird' things like a strap wrench, and a 32mm open head box wrench) and took my the course of a week to complete from start to finish in between working full time.

So, if you've found this post while doing a search for an A6 2.7T timing belt job you may be asking for some tips / tricks. Here are a few mistakes / tips that I can give you:

- There are several YouTube videos out there showing this job from start to finish. Although they are a GREAT reference, some of them show the service being doing with the front wheels on. I tried this and wasted about a half hour figuring out how they did it. Just put the car on jack stands and remove the wheels. It'll make things a lot easier.

- One thing that took my by surprise was the fact that the power steering hoses needed to be disconnected when taking off the front bumper assembly (Not the bumper cover). Don't worry about your entire power steering leaking of fluid; You'll only lose a little bit and you can re-fill and bleed the system later when you've got it almost ready to go back on the ground.

- With the lower radiator hose disconnected, run the car for about a half minute to get most of the G12 coolant out. I took a nice bath in coolant when removing the thermostat because I thought the system was empty but it was not.

- The placement of the thermostat gasket is crucial. Place the gasket on the housing side, not the engine block side. You'll be taking it all apart again if you don't. Unless you're NASA, get this o-ring right the first time.

- Only make one firm mark on your cams to ensure it is lined up properly. I made the mistake of making 3 lines on each cam and was second guessing myself for hours wondering if they were JUST right.

- Make sure the crank is at top dead center (TDC) before taking off the timing belt. After taking the crank cover off, make a white line from the top of the crank to the engine block behind it. BY doing this, you will always be able to tell where the crank is without mounting the cover and pully again.

- Inspect your engine for leaks around your valve covers. Now would be a good time to change valve cover gaskets, and cam tensioner gaskets. This job alone is $1,200 from the dealer.

- Inspect all other components once you have it all taken apart. If anything doesn't pass inspection, replace it. You'll see why once you get going just how involved this whole process is. You don't want to be doing it again three months later.

And now, here are some pictures of the whole ordeal:

This is just the bumper cover and bumper assembly off, prior to actually getting started, per-say:


Here is the engine with the serpentine belt, viscus fan, timing covers, timing belt, and thermostat all removed:


Another image, different angle of the same thing as above:


Note I left the timing belt hanging here. I needed to use a strap wrench and a 32mm open end box wrench to remove the big black pully that is holding the belt in place:


Here are all the components that were changed out. All of that work just for a few components:


Here it is all put back together and cleaned up:


The car currently has 121,000 miles on it and it's running great. This summer I plan on removing the engine to service the turbos (Replace) and replace my valve cover gaskets that are leaking.

If anyone is doing an Audi timing belt job on their own and need advice or has questions, feel free to reach out and contact me and I'll help.

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