Topic: depressed. (Read 10308 times)

TerrorDronze · « **on:** February 01, 2005, 04:52:55 PM »

yea, the thread title tells all. i just broke up with my g/f of almost 2 years yesterday, and now i feel really, really depressed and sluggish. any advice on keeping myself from getting too deep into this depression?it feels as if i'm beginning to get bored with life. i now feel as if i'm free, but yearning once more for the cage, ya know? *sigh*

BizB · « **Reply #1 on:** February 01, 2005, 05:07:12 PM »

Been there.

Lean on your friends.

Make contact with friends that you haven't seen in a while (as long as you can remember why you haven't seen them).

Take up a hobby.

Demosthenes · « **Reply #2 on:** February 01, 2005, 05:14:38 PM »

He's right, you know.

I got pretty messed up for a few years by a relationship, and diving into other things was the only thing that kept me from dwelling on it.

TerrorDronze · « **Reply #3 on:** February 01, 2005, 05:22:04 PM »

thanks much for the advice. the other prob is finding living arrangements...... no time for hobbies until i have my situation sorted out.... It's true that we've gotten too comfortable with eachother, and our relationship was deteriorating, but, i dunno...... hopefully this will pass.

BizB · « **Reply #4 on:** February 01, 2005, 05:30:58 PM »

Wow... you're not even to the anger part yet.

Good luck with the place to squat.

Don't forget the funny.

hackess · « **Reply #5 on:** February 01, 2005, 05:32:20 PM »

I'm sorry to hear that.

As Biz & Demo said, immerse yourself in other things. In time, it will hurt less.

TerrorDronze · « **Reply #6 on:** February 01, 2005, 05:43:18 PM »

in time, yea.

fummy thing is, i got into this relationship the day after i found out that this girl i was trying to hook up with for a long assed time lost all interest in guys. and as far as getting pissed... i'm not really one to get pissed in a situation like this.

Min · « **Reply #7 on:** February 01, 2005, 08:08:03 PM »

Eeeesh. That really sucks TD. I'm sorry.

xolik · « **Reply #8 on:** February 01, 2005, 11:51:35 PM »

The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.

On a more serious note, sorry to hear about your break up.

Sardonicus · « **Reply #9 on:** February 02, 2005, 12:49:33 AM »

As others have said already, find something to occupy yourself. If there's anything on the back burner that you've been putting off, now's the time to do it. A new project or a weekend trip, perhaps? As far as relationships go, take a breather (unless, of course, you run into Kate Beckinsale and she professes her undying lust for you).

Starting off a relationship while you're still mooning over someone else can engender a pity dynamic that you will resent later. She'll feel sorry for you and start to mother you and then when you realize that you were just seeing her to get over the other girl you'll find that you can't just break it off with her because she's a really nice person but she'll drive you nuts by calling all the time and stopping by all the time because you let her do that in the beginning when you were trying to fill the raw, bleeding hole left by the BITCH WHO RIPPED YOUR HEART OUT AND WHEN YOU FINALLY DO LET HER DOWN SHE'LL TELL EVERYONE WITHIN A 25 MILE RADIUS WHAT AN ASSHOLE YOU ARE AND YOU'LL HAVE TO MOVE TO A DIFFERENT CITY JUST TO FIND GIRLS WHO WILL EVEN TALK TO YOU...AND...AND...and...(ahem)...

Anyway, I feel your pain and this too, shall pass.

TerrorDronze · « **Reply #10 on:** February 02, 2005, 02:07:11 AM »

came back to the house tonight..... it was rather uncomfortable. it hurts..... Unfortunately, she had some friends over, and i snapped right in front of them. they understanded, but i feel like a real ass. maybe i'll take my dude up on his offer to let me crash there for a few days to let myself come to terms. I know that if you love someone, sometimes it's best to just let them go, but i'm having trouble. Ever feel like you needed to vomit, but you couldn't? like someone force fed you Gravvol and hydrogen peroxide? that's how i felt when i got to the door. it was a mistake coing back so soon, but i had to. the anger and self-loathing have set in. i miss her so much, even though we live in the same house... it's just not the same. nothing feels like it fits anymore.

MISTER MASSACRE · « **Reply #11 on:** February 02, 2005, 02:19:47 AM »

It's been but days - give it time.

And yes, you need to find someplace else to stay in the meanwhile.

reimero · « **Reply #12 on:** February 02, 2005, 09:04:44 AM »

Time and distance can be great healers.

needles · « **Reply #13 on:** February 02, 2005, 09:47:59 AM »

yeah i agree with xolik.

Anonymous · « **Reply #14 on:** February 02, 2005, 09:48:03 AM »

So can shooting her with your paintball gun.

But seriously, living together after breaking up must be hell. You should probably take some time off and seriously think about what caused the break up in the first place. Communication is key. You should both take time alone to consider what you want your future to be, and talk about it openly. You need to be in control of your emotions when you have this discussion and you both need to be receptive to the other person's position, feelings and needs. Then, you have to options: Try to fix it, or move on. But both of you have to be in agreement on what the next step should be.

Years ago, I've tried to break up with my GF. It was for the wrong reasons. At the time, I was under a lot of stress and pressure and I just keept everything bottled up inside until one day, I exploded and wanted to move on. In my mind, it was the proper thing to do in order to improve my quality of life. But you know what? I was so confused at the time that I didn't know what the fuck I was talking about. After spending much time discussing and examining the situation from various point of views, I concluded that I needed some changes in my life, but that she should be by my side experiencing those changes with me.

I don't know what your situation is, but I do know that if you are both willing to discuss it while being objective, you may just figure out together that your problems are not what they seem to be. And perhaps they are. What's important isn't the problem, it's the solution.

I often think about that day when I tried to end things with my GF and I have many regrets. But that event also made our relationship stronger in the end.

TerrorDronze · « **Reply #15 on:** February 02, 2005, 03:37:16 PM »

I have a feeling that things are gonna get really messy. I couldn't pour out everything i needed to say to her face to face, both circumstance and emotions were big factors. when i get upset or depressed, i write. i write until i run out of things to say. I left what i wrote on her computer's desktop. alot of it was really harsh, vitriolic, even. about half an hour later, i went up and added a disclaimer of sorts. i don't know how that's gonna go over, but, i'll tell you this much...... i've gotten to that jelousy/anger part... methinks it has to do with the fact that last night and this morning, how she was acting like it was no big deal. I thought it arrogant, and it just pissed me off more. I snapped at her last night, trying to keep my attention focused on sorting my M:tG cards. Damn my ADD, i heard every word they said (she had 2 of her new male friends over), they were joking around, and i snapped. i felt like an ass. i tried to appologise. i'm an absolute wreck right now. people say divert your attention.... but it's never that easy, ya know?

needles · « **Reply #16 on:** February 02, 2005, 03:42:50 PM »

yeah it's better to get away from her for a few weeks d00d.

TerrorDronze · « **Reply #17 on:** February 02, 2005, 03:44:49 PM »

Quote from: TheJudge

So can shooting her with your paintball gun.

doesn't help that i'm out of CO2

xolik · « **Reply #18 on:** February 02, 2005, 04:17:57 PM »

Quote from: TerrorDronze

people say divert your attention.... but it's never that easy, ya know?

Especially when she's in the next room laughing it up with her new buddies. You need to get away, pronto. I kind of understand what you're talking about when it really hurts to see the other person take the breakup so casually. If anything, it's disrespectful towards your feelings.

This person may have not been as invested in this relationship as you were, but that doesn't mean that they need to be all sunshine and lollipops about it. I certainly don't expect her to wear sackcloth and throw ashes in the air, but she should at least show some decency when you're around and act a bit more mature than this. And to have her two new male 'friends' over while you're home is just a slap in the face.

This lady sounds like a grade "A" douche if she treats you like this and you most likely better off without. -Just my opinion based upon the writings so far. No offense is intended.

needles · « **Reply #19 on:** February 02, 2005, 04:20:58 PM »

ok now that xolik broke that barrier.

yeah she's a bitch. kick her to the curb.

boy that was a little less delicate.

Sardonicus · « **Reply #20 on:** February 02, 2005, 04:27:50 PM »

I know what you're going through. Even after a few weeks of separation, I ran into a girlfriend with whom I had had a four year relationship. She was out with a guy at the movie theatre. We happened to be seeing the same movie and, even though I kept my distance physically, I had to leave halfway through because I just couldn't enjoy myself.

I don't find it surprising at all that your ex had friends over to the house. It's been my experience that most women draw strength from other people. When men feel pain they suck it up and work through it; cowboy up, so to speak. When women are hurt they surround themselves with friends and family. They seek solace in other people.

I can only offer two thoughts on this. Do with them what you will...

First of all, unless she is completely bereft of emotion (which I doubt), this is as difficult for her as it is for you. Acting like it's no big deal is her way of avoiding confrontation. Most of what she's going to do in your regard (until there is a minimum safe distance between the two of you) will be geared towards breaking it off as cleanly as possible.

Secondly, you need to find some way of distancing yourself. Take your buddy up on his offer and pack your bags. Your proximity is just making things more difficult especially when you feel the need to pour your heart out and spice it with vitriol.

When I am feeling overly frustrated, I find it helps to completely expend myself physically. I ride my bike until my legs are rubber, beat the shit out of the heavy bag, do katas until I'm exhausted, or challenge my son to a deck of pushups.

Sardo "Dr. Phil" Nicus

xolik · « **Reply #21 on:** February 02, 2005, 04:40:11 PM »

Quote from: Sardonicus

I don't find it surprising at all that your ex had friends over to the house.

She can get solace somewhere else. She can go to the park or hang out at one of her female friend's house. She doesn't need to bring strange men home.

TD, please forgive me saying this, but my first thought when I read this is that she has probably been secretly fucking one of them, if not both of them, behind your back. Just my first reaction. I'm sure that's not the case, but how long has she known these guys?

TerrorDronze · « **Reply #22 on:** February 02, 2005, 04:55:54 PM »

i suspect at least one of them, and i made that clear in my not so little letter. as far as female friends, she doesn't have any.

she met them at this place she goes to for reintegrating people with mental disorders (she has an anxiety disorder, which i've helped her out conciderably with) that she started going to about 3 weeks ago. at this point, my chances of going back to her is slim to less-than-nil. but a year and a half plus is still a long time, and it still hurts.

needles · « **Reply #23 on:** February 02, 2005, 05:19:23 PM »

yeah it still hurts.

sorry for being so short about it. (but i still mean it!

)

i recently broke up with someone after a longish troubled relationship, and it turned out it just ended up in finding someone better.

it'll all work out man.

Demosthenes · « **Reply #24 on:** February 02, 2005, 05:19:42 PM »

Ahhhh... nobody gives relationship advice quite like our friend Tedneedles.

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Author Topic: depressed. (Read 10308 times)

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