Topic: The SoupBandit23 Trial (Read 40347 times)

ivan · « **Reply #25 on:** February 04, 2005, 02:15:56 PM »

Quote from: Lacerda

If this was that other place, I would have banned him about nineteen times already.

I tried to get him over there. But he's stuck in the confirmation bug.

I admit my behaviour in this regard was childish and unprofessional. To invite someone to a site I moderate for the express purpose of summarily banning him is, among other things, deceitful, underhanded and just downright mean. In my defense, I can only humbly beg you to understand the acute and at times unbearable agony of watching such an unmitigated, egregious case of flailing of teh stoopid be allowed to proceed unchecked. I had to do something. It would try the patience of a saint, it would.

Anonymous · « **Reply #26 on:** February 04, 2005, 02:16:38 PM »

Quote from: Lacerda

Your Honour, I would like to point out that my client has not yet arrived, and so opening statements might be a bit premature.

Listen you little punk, I'M TheJudge. Not you. ME! Now you better give me that opening statement unless you want to spend the night in jail hot shot!

MISTER MASSACRE · « **Reply #27 on:** February 04, 2005, 02:17:03 PM »

Motion to break for lunch because I have noodles

Anonymous · « **Reply #28 on:** February 04, 2005, 02:17:45 PM »

Quote from: ivan

I tried to get him over there. But he's stuck in the confirmation bug.

I admit my behaviour in this regard was childish and unprofessional. To invite someone to a site I moderate for the express purpose of summarily banning him is, among other things, deceitful, underhanded and just downright mean. In my defense, I can only humbly beg you to understand the acute and at times unbearable agony of watching such an unmitigated, egregious case of flailing of teh stoopid be allowed to proceed unchecked. I had to do something. It would try the patience of a saint, it would.

Hey shut up! Your trial isn't schedule for another hour!

Anonymous · « **Reply #29 on:** February 04, 2005, 02:18:19 PM »

Quote from: Lacerda

Motion to break for lunch because I have noodles

Does needles object to noodles? No? Then proceed.

needles · « **Reply #30 on:** February 04, 2005, 02:18:46 PM »

motion to break for lunch because lacerdicha loves needles.

edit: i didn't mean to interupt you. i was distracted by lacerda's sausage bassoon.

MISTER MASSACRE · « **Reply #31 on:** February 04, 2005, 02:23:22 PM »

Quote from: TheJudge

Listen you little punk, I'M TheJudge. Not you. ME! Now you better give me that opening statement unless you want to spend the night in jail hot shot!

Geez, ok mister angry-gavel.

Your Honour, ladies and gentlemen of this esteemed court, I will begin today with a simple question that I feel has great relevance to this trial:

What would Jesus do?

In a world where instantaneous global communication has leapt out of science fiction and into science reality, and where I for some reason get two beef powder flavour packets with my noodles instead of one, is it not a tragic inevitability that some degree of miscommunication is likely to occur?

My client is the victim of circumstance. It was not he who developed the computer, nor the telephone line, nor the optic cable. It was not he who built a network of these computers that was quickly and inexorably perverted from its use as a military communications network. It was not he who gave birth to himself. No. It was the world.

Your honour, my client is clearly a helpless, stupid, near-illiterate moro- victim, whose only crime is his blinding inability to comprehend his surrroundings and properly judge the content of what he says.

For this reason, I would like this trial to be thrown out of court, and for someone to buy me some icecream.

Because after all, wouldn't JESUS buy me icecream?

ivan · « **Reply #32 on:** February 04, 2005, 02:23:23 PM »

Wurstfagots.

I'll have to remember that one.

yxorpbp · « **Reply #33 on:** February 04, 2005, 02:24:12 PM »

Quote from: needles

motion to break for lunch because lacerdicha loves needles.

edit: i didn't mean to interupt you. i was distracted by lacerda's sausage bassoon.

You know, if you put onions on that sucker....

MISTER MASSACRE · « **Reply #34 on:** February 04, 2005, 02:25:57 PM »

Quote from: yxorpbp

You know, if you put onions on that sucker....

Who's been telling you my secrets?

Anonymous · « **Reply #35 on:** February 04, 2005, 02:26:08 PM »

LOL!

The prosecutor may now make his opening statements.

hackess · « **Reply #36 on:** February 04, 2005, 02:29:38 PM »

Quote from: ivan

I tried to get him over there. But he's stuck in the confirmation bug.

I admit my behaviour in this regard was childish and unprofessional. To invite someone to a site I moderate for the express purpose of summarily banning him is, among other things, deceitful, underhanded and just downright mean. In my defense, I can only humbly beg you to understand the acute and at times unbearable agony of watching such an unmitigated, egregious case of flailing of teh stoopid be allowed to proceed unchecked. I had to do something. It would try the patience of a saint, it would.

That's SO FUCKING HOT!!!!

BEST.THREAD.EVAR!!!!

Anonymous · « **Reply #37 on:** February 04, 2005, 02:35:26 PM »

Quote from: Lacerda

Petition to extend my client's stay until thread reaches pinnacle of awesomeness.

Oh I missed that. Granted!

yxorpbp · « **Reply #38 on:** February 04, 2005, 02:36:24 PM »

Quote from: Lacerda

Quote from: yxorpbp

You know, if you put onions on that sucker....

Who's been telling you my secrets?

I belive it was you, blabbermouth.

MISTER MASSACRE · « **Reply #39 on:** February 04, 2005, 02:37:38 PM »

I'm a monster!

yxorpbp · « **Reply #40 on:** February 04, 2005, 02:39:15 PM »

Well that might be what someone who doesn't understand your species would call you...

MISTER MASSACRE · « **Reply #41 on:** February 04, 2005, 02:40:49 PM »

Quote from: TheJudge

Quote from: Lacerda
Petition to extend my client's stay until thread reaches pinnacle of awesomeness.

Oh I missed that. Granted!

Sweet. I have to leave for work now, so I probably won't be posting anything for a while. Please keep my client from testifying until I return. Or at least give him temp-counsel.

I nominate...uh...who's impartial?

catwritr.

needles · « **Reply #42 on:** February 04, 2005, 02:40:59 PM »

thank you your honor.

*clasps hands behind back and paces slowly for a full minute without speaking*

your honor. ladies.

heh heh heh heh. you know. back when i was but a boy growing up in rural georgia, my daddy always would crank up the model T and take me down to old man jenkins' place. now old man jenkins had this rooster and want to tell y'all what that was the meanest rooster i ever saw in MY LIFE. heh heh hehthat scoundrel would flail ya kick ya peck ya and i don't know what all and he'd got at you like that for HOURS. and my daddy would look at me and say "son. you better let that rooster be now" and i'd say ok but the next time, why, i'd be right back to aggrevatin that rooser heh heh heh. well there was one time when we were down to old man jenkins' place and a man drove up and he had on a suit and you could tell he was from the big city. he came on up to the porch where i was jacking off that rooster and said he was a man that went by the nama peter nunley and well he had some vaccuum cleaners he neaded to unload on us. old man jenkins told old peter nunly that by god there was enough stuff that sucked at his place and ran that feller off. heh heh heh. now i don't know why but while peter nunly was a drivin off, i jumped into the back of his truck and rode up there to atlanta with nothin to my name but the clothes on my back, a nickel and a rooster with a hard on. heh heh heh. now i want yall to know to i chicken hawked in atlanta for crack money for all those years and finally got enough to put my self through the jenny craig school of law.

*inhales. and looks around sagely*

now i may not be but and old country lawyer. but i do know this.

lacerda is a wurstfagot and his client is a moran.

ban the little fucker.

thank you.

hackess · « **Reply #43 on:** February 04, 2005, 02:46:58 PM »

Quote from: Lacerda

Sweet. I have to leave for work now, so I probably won't be posting anything for a while. Please keep my client from testifying until I return. Or at least give him temp-counsel.

I nominate...uh...who's impartial?

catwritr.

*snort*

I accept.

Anonymous · « **Reply #44 on:** February 04, 2005, 02:50:31 PM »

God that was painful to read. I need solid arguments from the prostitution. And for the record, no I will not ban Lacerda.

needles · « **Reply #45 on:** February 04, 2005, 02:56:15 PM »

well since i already shot my wad i'll have to turn it over to co-council

AHEM:

*plays lengthy solo on the crumhorn*

Thank you.

hackess · « **Reply #46 on:** February 04, 2005, 03:01:40 PM »

I stickied this sucker. It needs to be preserved for posterity. And because I said so.

Anonymous · « **Reply #47 on:** February 04, 2005, 03:04:45 PM »

Actually, I'm anxious to see what catwritr has to say. You see, the defense is basing their whole argument on the stipulation of actions Jesus would likely take to resolve the conflict, (i.e. getting Lacerda ice cream) yet Catwritr doesn't actually beleive in Jesus. How can the defense support their case by basing it on something which they beleive does not exists? If they fail to convince me, I'd have no option but to throw out the entire defense and go along with the rooster ordeal.

reimero · « **Reply #48 on:** February 04, 2005, 03:08:05 PM »

needles · « **Reply #49 on:** February 04, 2005, 03:08:40 PM »

come on! cut me some slack. of course my lawfirm sucks. all my firm consists of is a hillbilly and a crumhorn playing masturbating janet reno!

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