Topic: Do You KNow Someone Who Isn't Funny? (Read 14446 times)

IWantToBeFunny · « **on:** October 19, 2009, 04:02:54 PM »

Do you get boo-ed off stages, or hear crickets chirp after you tell a joke? Do you KNOW someone that this happens to? Let us help you become funny!
We are a production company creating a show that could help you (or your friend out). Contact us at iwanttobefunny@gmail.com if you, or a friend or loved one wants to become funny.

Min · « **Reply #1 on:** October 19, 2009, 04:47:41 PM »

I know someone now!!

hackess · « **Reply #2 on:** October 19, 2009, 04:48:33 PM »

Aw, Detta sniped my line.

Min · « **Reply #3 on:** October 19, 2009, 04:54:49 PM »

We're funny!

BizB · « **Reply #4 on:** October 19, 2009, 05:03:35 PM »

How the hell am I supposed to zombocom that post if all they do is ask for Homoerotic A-Team Fan Fiction email subscriptions?

Min · « **Reply #5 on:** October 19, 2009, 05:13:45 PM »

Haha, yeah my first thought was to edit the email address but then I figured it was better to just leave it!

12AX7 · « **Reply #6 on:** December 09, 2009, 12:54:17 PM »

An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years.

Upon her return, her father cussed her. "Where have ye been all this time?
Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye
not understand what ye put yer old mum thru?

The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff....dad....I became a prostitute...."

"Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this family."

"OK, dad-- as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a $5 million savings certificate. For me little brother, this gold Rolex and for ye daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a membership to the country club....(takes a breath)... and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera and ... "

"Now what was it ye said ye had become?" says dad.

Girl, crying again, "Sniff, sniff....a prostitute dad! Sniff, sniff."

"Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant'.

Come here and give yer old man a hug!"

pbsaurus · « **Reply #7 on:** December 09, 2009, 01:31:40 PM »

Hectar!

Here's one that Needles told me.

A hillbilly takes his 12 year old daughter to the doctor for an exam. After a battery of tests the doctor finds out that she has VD. Shocked the doc asks the hillbilly "is your daughter sexually active?"

The hillbilly replies, "Sexually active? Naw, she's just like her mother and just lays there."

Pyrenus · « **Reply #8 on:** December 18, 2009, 01:10:54 PM »

A redneck has a big date coming up and needs some protection.

The pharmacist shows him the condom aisle and tells the redneck, "These are $5.99, not including tax."

"Gawd almighty!", cried the redneck. "You mean they don't stay on by themselves?"

BizB · « **Reply #9 on:** December 18, 2009, 01:29:11 PM »

A redneck took his daughter to the doctor and the doctor diagnosed her with an STD.
"Is your daughter sexually active?" asked the physician.
"Aww hell no. That little bitch lays there like a dead fish, just like her maw."

pbsaurus · « **Reply #10 on:** December 18, 2009, 02:01:05 PM »

Quote from: BizB on December 18, 2009, 01:29:11 PM

A redneck took his daughter to the doctor and the doctor diagnosed her with an STD.
"Is your daughter sexually active?" asked the physician.
"Aww hell no. That little bitch lays there like a dead fish, just like her maw."

Tonight on It's The Mind....

Min · « **Reply #11 on:** December 18, 2009, 03:43:46 PM »

What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus?

Santa stopped at three Ho's.

BizB · « **Reply #12 on:** December 18, 2009, 04:26:30 PM »

What do Tiger Woods and baby seals have in common?
They both get clubbed by Norwegians.

Clear_Runway · « **Reply #13 on:** December 18, 2009, 04:55:08 PM »

Did you hear Tiger changed his name to Cheetah?

12AX7 · « **Reply #14 on:** January 01, 2010, 02:56:57 PM »

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JNT5zvd3g2M#noexternalembed&feature=player_embedded

Mudo · « **Reply #15 on:** January 06, 2010, 12:58:10 AM »

What did Batman say to Robin before Robin got in the Batmobile?

...

Wait for it...

"Get in the Batmobile, Robin"

Damn right he did.

creator · « **Reply #16 on:** January 20, 2010, 06:16:58 AM »

This is nice.. thanks for sharing guys...

Pyrenus · « **Reply #17 on:** January 22, 2010, 03:13:20 PM »

Did you hear about the two peanuts walking in Harlem?

One was a salted.

sociald1077 · « **Reply #18 on:** January 25, 2010, 08:58:55 PM »

Two canibals are eating a clown corpse when one looks up and asks "Does this taste funny to you?"

12AX7 · « **Reply #19 on:** January 26, 2010, 02:58:01 PM »

A GREAT Rolling Stones story from Ron Wood: 'We were doing drugs in the dressing room when suddenly the tour manager stuck his head in the door and said, "the police are here!" We all panicked and threw our drugs in the toilet. And then Sting, Andy Summers and Stewart Copeland walked in.

Min · « **Reply #20 on:** January 26, 2010, 03:40:48 PM »

pbsaurus · « **Reply #21 on:** January 26, 2010, 05:17:20 PM »

Hectar! Even.

Demosthenes · « **Reply #22 on:** January 26, 2010, 05:42:05 PM »

12AX7 · « **Reply #23 on:** February 11, 2010, 01:25:36 PM »

A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership.
Taking off down the road, he pushed it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.

"Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-95, pushing the pedal even more.
Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a State Trooper, blue lights flashing and siren blaring.
He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120.
Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this!" and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival.

Pulling in behind him, the trooper got out of his vehicle and walked up to the the Corvette.
He looked at his watch, then said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday.
If you can give me a new reason for speeding--a reason I've never before heard-- I'll let you go."

The old gentleman paused then said:
"Three years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."

"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper

12AX7 · « **Reply #24 on:** February 11, 2010, 01:48:59 PM »

A wife's love

>
> A very old man lay dying in his bed. In death's doorway, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favourite chocolate chip cookie wafting up the stairs.
>
> He gathered his remaining strength and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort forced himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands.
>
> With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven.
>
> There, spread out on newspapers on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favourite chocolate chip cookies.
>
> Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?
>
> Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table. The aged and withered hand, shaking, made its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when he was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife.
>
> "Stay out of those," she said. "They're for the funeral.

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Author Topic: Do You KNow Someone Who Isn't Funny? (Read 14446 times)

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