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[Davidfak]

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• (January 12, 2023, 01:18:11 AM)

[Steelbelly]

...I took me another 10 minutes to explain to the cockney bastard that I couldn't see what was on his screen and he'd have to explain the shot or the timestamp to me so I could see where it was.  God, I hate stupid people (which is ironic when you stop to consider how stupid I am in anything besides my own specialty.  I suppose there's a moral there...).

He was from London?   

[pbsaurus]

KSBY-TV - San Luis Obispo / Pismo Beach / Santa Barbara, CA

Dude!  I used to live in Morro Bay!

[hackess]

KSBY-TV - San Luis Obispo / Pismo Beach / Santa Barbara, CA

Ah. I work with KEYT.

[Chris]

Lady orders in drive thru.

Lady pays at first window.

Lady drives past the second window, and never picks up her order.

Lady calls back a half hour later after she relized what she had done.

[Scheherazade]

Did she blame it on you when she called?

I can't tell you how many times customers drop off their computers, and when I've fixed them they'll call back a day or two later and say, "There was such and such a disk in the drive when I gave you the computer, and it isn't there now! Replace it!" The first thing I do when I'm checking out one of these computers is to make sure there are no floppies or CDs in the computer (duh). If there are, I find a case for them, slip them in a bubble wrap CD case sleeve, and tape it to the side of the tower before repairing the computer. Most of the time, however, people are bullshitting.

[Chris]

She didn't blame it on anyone. She said she was trying to do too many things at once. (That's code for talking on the cell phone while driving)

I had a guy come in a while back asking for two medium coffees at 4 in the afternoon, on an 85 degree day. He was an older guy, about 55 to 60 years old, fairly well dressed, and drove a BMW, so right then I knew he was important because he was going through a mid-life crisis.

To make a short story even shorter, we didn't have enough coffee ready for two medium cups because, afterall, who the fuck orders coffee when it's 85 degrees out at 4 in the afternoon? He's gotten upset before about this, and this time he goes to me, "Why don't you have any coffee? You should have coffee made at all times" I started to reply to him, "Well, the coffee is only good for two hours, and because it's..." he then cut me off, saying that he wanted his money back. I replied, "I'll glady give you back your money" and gave him his money back, and he was on he's Columbian way again to go sell some drugs to the nearby kids.

Did I mention he was Columbian, or something along those lines?

[Scheherazade]

Could you imagine him replying to this thread?

"So, since I didn't have my coffee, I was totally like on edge when I was working. This kid comes up to me and says, 'OMGLOLZ give me a dime bag bitch!' And I was like 'I don't sell dime bags, I only gots deez rollz of acid stamps and bricks of coke, yo,' and the kid was like, 'Give me pot, or I'm going to da pigs, yo,' and so I bust a cap in his brain stem. Stupid fucking kids! LOLZ."

[Chris]

Guy comes in at 12:45 with the following question:

"Hi, I'm so and so from 'this place' down the street. We're in desperate need for some kitchen workers for today. Do you think you could spare any?"

12:45 on a nice day, and he just waited in line for a few minutes to ask me that question. We were running at full capacity, and could hardly get by. Yea, I don't think so. Even if I did have extra people, he wasn't getting any of mine simply because we went through the trouble to hire them, not this idiot.

[Scheherazade]

I work at A.C. Moore, which, for those of you who don't know, is an Arts & Crafts store with an emphasis on our supreme floral design center.

This lady calls us, and asks if we would do a very traditional arrangement for her. Her daughter is getting married, and they want the centerpiece at the head table to be extra-magnificent. So she tells us she wants a white vase with white roses and baby's breath. She says we can add anything else we think would look nice, and she'll be in at three to pick it up.

So three oclock comes, and the lady comes in. She looks at the arrangement (which I didn't do, I don't actually make arrangements). It was really beautiful, I wouldn't have minded having it at my wedding. But the woman said, "On the whole, I thought it's be more blue...I don't think I'll take it. Thank you."

BLUE?!?! First of all, it's a wedding, lady. Secondly, you ASKED FOR WHITE. GRR. Such a lovely arrangement, wasted.

[Vespertine]

<snip>
To make a short story even shorter, we didn't have enough coffee ready for two medium cups because, afterall, who the fuck orders coffee when it's 85 degrees out at 4 in the afternoon?
<snip>

You should come to Phoenix in the summer.  We have more coffee places here that you can shake a stick at, and they are busy from the moment they open until they close.  Many of them have a rush around 3 or 4 in the afternoon, even in summer when it's 110 degrees.

[Rico]

I think I could be lumped into that group, Vespertine.  I drink coffee all day long, no matter how hot it is.  In my defense though, they keep it extremely cold where I work at.

[Scheherazade]

Yesterday I was making a floral arrangement and this little old lady came up to me with a shopping bag that had a stem sticking out of it.

She said, "I already paid for this, but the stem is too long, could you trim it for me?"

Being of a congenial nature, I said of course I would. I took some cutters and snipped the end of the stem. Then the lady said, "So if I put these in water right away and buy the right kind of food for them, they'll grow for a while still, right?"

I tried not to look stupidly confused. I said to the lady, "Ma'am, all of our plants are artificial. The stems are plastic and wire. It won't grow at all."

The lady was shocked, and went up to the front of the store and complained about me to the people at customer service. She also wanted to return the plant. Before I know it, I hear over the loudspeaker, "Amie, dial 20, Amie, dial 20." So I dial 20, and explain what really happened. A little while later, my boss comes by and tells me not to worry about it. Apparently, this lady is extremely senile and has made an episode like this before.

[Scheherazade]

Another thing. GRR.

We sell all sorts of arts and crafts supplies, and we also have certain wedding things. Like veils.

This girl comes in; she looks about 17 and she's dressed pretty tough. I saw her walk by my department when she came in, but I didn't think much of it.

Ten minutes later, she skips by again. This time I though much of it. She had opened a bridal veil and was wearing it around her waist, she had a Phantom of the Opera type mask on, and a feather boa wrapped around her entire body. She was skipping around the entire store singing "YMCA."

The managaer (my boss) made her pay for the veil, boa and mask. She was escorted out of the store. The manager did it all with a straight face, god bless him.

[Demosthenes]

Another thing. GRR.

We sell all sorts of arts and crafts supplies, and we also have certain wedding things. Like veils.

This girl comes in; she looks about 17 and she's dressed pretty tough. I saw her walk by my department when she came in, but I didn't think much of it.

Ten minutes later, she skips by again. This time I though much of it. She had opened a bridal veil and was wearing it around her waist, she had a Phantom of the Opera type mask on, and a feather boa wrapped around her entire body. She was skipping around the entire store singing "YMCA."

The managaer (my boss) made her pay for the veil, boa and mask. She was escorted out of the store. The manager did it all with a straight face, god bless him.

Sounds like someone is skipping their meds lately. 

[Scheherazade]

Sounds like someone is skipping their meds lately. 

She probably just forgot them at the asylum.

[Agent_Tachyon]

I work at a call center (we do deaf-relay, people ordering crap off the tv, paging, that sort of thing) and I get some of the most mind-numbingly retarded people ever to leave the ocean...by the end of most days the sheer stupidity I've been exposed to is almost enough to make me want to just...

but I digress, here's my favourite of the day:

One company we work for is a certain well-known correspondance college. We only handle the after hours line and only really send out these free information packages. We aren't located in the school (we're not even in the same COUNTRY for fuck's sake), but some people just plain don't understand that, as was the case with this customer.

She called up and I answered with the standard answer phrase "Thank you for calling [school's name], would you like to order a free information package?".

Now, if she said anything other than 'yes', I'd have just said I'm sorry but we're the after hours line, please call back during regular hours...but I didn't even get that far.

Caller: No I certainly would NOT like a free information package!
Me: I see m'am, unfortunately we are the-
Caller: You're the after hours line, right?!
Me: Yes m'am, I would have to ad-
Caller: Now you just wait ONE MINUTE!
Me: I'm sorry-
Caller: Oh you BETTER BE SORRY! I've called four times now [clearly my colleagues in the same ROOM took these calls] and I can't get a straight answer!
Me: If I could please-
Caller: I AM STILL SPEAKING! The last operator I got said she was from fucking CANADA! SINCE WHEN WAS CANADA A PART OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA???
Me: [I paused for a moment, partly to see if she was done, and partly to wonder what the fuck that has to do with anything] Well I think they may have been the same up until 1776 or something like-
Caller: I ORDERED A PACKAGE SIX MONTHS AGO FOR MY DAUGHTER BECAUSE SHE DROPPED OUT OF SCHOOL AND IT STILL HASN'T ARRIVED! NOW YOU'RE GOING TO GET ME SOMEONE WHO ACTUALLY KNOWS JACK SHIT ABOUT WHAT YOU'RE SELLING, AND YOU'RE GOING TO DO IT NOW!
Me: Actually m'am, the school is closed now.
Caller: I DON'T CARE IF THE SCHOOL IS CLOSED! YOU GET ME SOMEONE WHO KNOWS!
Me: Nobody here knows any more than I do...
Caller: Well buddy boy, I'm going to keep calling til the cows come home! I CAN CALL ALL NIGHT!

Now, consider the following. Firstly, calling all night won't help anything at all, as I (and presumably a few people before me) have pointed out to this stupid bitch. Secondly, where did people get the idea that by screaming at someone who is basically a paid answering machine they could get what they wanted? If I want to return shit to walmart, I can't just head out at two am and scream at the glass til someone comes over...I don't know why some people think that the phone is any different.

Me: Now wait one moment m'am...would you like me to get my supervisor?
Caller: WELL NO SHIT, I'VE BEEN CALLING ALL-[blah blah blah for about ten minutes]
Me: Certainly m'am, I'll just put you on hold-
Caller: YOU'RE GOING TO HANG UP!
Me: I promise I won't.
Caller: ARE YOU A CHRISTIAN?!
*dead air*
Caller: DO YOU BELIEVE THAT OUR LORD AND GOD JESUS CHRIST CAME TO EARTH TO DIE FOR OUR SINS?!
Me: errmm...sure m'am.
Caller: BECAUSE IF YOU DON'T I DON'T WANT YOUR PROMISE-

I put her on hold, and got the supervisor over who listened without saying a word for around twenty minutes, then said the same thing I had and hung up.

[Revka]

First off... Weird Tingly Feeling does religion have to do with keeping a promise to get your manager?

Second off... LOLOMGWTFBITCH!

[Agent_Tachyon]

I have no...fucking...idea...

There are a few key points there where I just paused because it was so damn stupid (that and I was hoping she'd somehow give herself asthma yelling like that). My right ear hurt for the rest of the night...

[Chris]

A bunch of 14 or 15-year-old kids were sitting around in my store today acting like morons and being loud as hell. This went on for about 10 minutes, and after that, I had enough.

I went out to them, and without saying for them to be quiet or any other warning I told them "Throw your garbage out, and leave. NOW! If I wanted to put up with you guys and listen to you, I'd work at your school as a cafeteria aide!"

They pretty much shut up and left right then and there. They did the normal "one last yell before I leave" routine, but I think that'll be the last time that I see them in there for a while.

Needless to say, I was surprised that I was able to think of a line like that so quickly.

[Agent_Tachyon]

Today I had a caller confirm 'K...as in cabin' and I lol'd into the phone at her for around a minute.

[Anyanka_was_framed]

I work in a book store in the children's dept.  Let me tell you, there's nothing like picking up a book (that the spawn left on the floor because it and its mother were both too fucking lazy to put it away) and realizing that it's not only wet but covered in goo.  I know have a thing about germs.  I carry Purel with me at all times.

And now, a relevent story:

Nearly dead old man comes into the store with his hearing aid off yelling at the top of his voice, "YO! WHERE'S LASSIE!"
Unfortunately, I was with another customer and could not help him, which I had to yell a few times until he understood.  The remainder of his time in the store could be heard all over the store.  Especially his "disappointment" over us not having Lassie something or other: "HOW CAN YOU NOT HAVE LASSIE IT IS A CLASSIC NOT THIS Stupid Sexy Flanders NARNIA SHIT."

I feel so bad for my coworker.  In the end it took 3 of us to calm him down and convince him that 1) we didn't have the book in the store but it could be ordered and 2) we were not lying to him because we a) liked Stupid Sexy Flanders and Narnia or b)were lazy.

I promise a whole bunch of fun stories come Christmas time.

[Chris]

That sounds like fun. I know how it feels to deal with those people. I get a few regular people everyday that are like that sometimes. I guess they just leave their hearing aides at home or something.

Every morning when I open the store, there's always one moronic customer (A different one everyday) who thinks the store is open for business as soon as I walk in and turns the lights on, and tries to go through the drive thru for service. They can't see the menu, or anything else for that matter because it's pitch dark in the drive Thru because there are no outside lights on, but they try anyway. You'd think that no outside lights on at all would be a good indication as to whether or not the store is open. Go figure.

I also kind of laughed at a guy because he told me he once had firecrackers thrown at him on mischief night.

[Agent_Tachyon]

Old people are the bane of the call-center operator's existance. Every single day I get at least ten old people so incoherant that they seem to make up thier own versions of my words to satisfy themselves when thier ears/brains fail them. What REALLY pisses me off is when an old couple passes the phone back and forth while I'm talking so each misses half of the information and they jabber back and forth and double the call time.

[hackess]

I wish I had something to contribue, but most of my stuff is stupid colleague stories.

"It's still not working." "Yes, I sent you an email on 10/26/2006 explaining why it wasn't working and how to fix it." Thanks for reminding me that you don't read anything I send you.

[pbsaurus]

I won't have any stupid colleague stories for a while!