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  • (January 12, 2023, 01:18:11 AM)

Author Topic: WHAT IF PEOPLE BOUGHT CARS LIKE THEY BUY COMPUTERS?  (Read 4044 times)

Unleashed

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WHAT IF PEOPLE BOUGHT CARS LIKE THEY BUY COMPUTERS?
« on: August 22, 2002, 03:08:13 PM »
General Motors doesn't have a "help line" for people who don't know how to
drive, because people don't buy cars like they buy computers

 --but imagine if they did...

HELPLINE:  "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?"
CUSTOMER:  "I got in my car and closed the door, and nothing happened!"
HELPLINE:  "Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?"
CUSTOMER:  "What's an ignition?"
HELPLINE:  "It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery and
turns over the engine."
CUSTOMER:  "Ignition?  Motor?  Battery?  Engine?  How come I have to know
all of these technical terms just to use my car?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
HELPLINE:  "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?"
CUSTOMER:  "My car ran fine for a week, and now it won't go anywhere!"
HELPLINE:  "Is the gas tank empty?"
CUSTOMER:  "Huh?  How do I know!?"
HELPLINE:  "There's a little gauge on the front panel, with a needle, and
markings from 'E' to 'F.'  Where is the needle pointing?"
CUSTOMER:  "It's pointing to 'E.'  What does that mean?"
HELPLINE:  "It means that you have to visit a gasoline vendor, and
purchase some more gasoline.  You can install it yourself, or pay the
vendor to install it for you."
CUSTOMER:   "What!?  I paid $12,000.00 for this car!  Now you tell me that
I have to keep buying more components?  I want a car that comes with
everything built in!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
HELPLINE:  "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?"
CUSTOMER:  "Your cars suck!"
HELPLINE:  "What's wrong?"
CUSTOMER:  "It crashed, that's what went wrong!"
HELPLINE:  "What were you doing?"
CUSTOMER:  "I wanted to run faster, so I pushed the accelerator pedal all
the way to the floor.  It worked for a while, and then it crashed  --and
now it won't start!"
HELPLINE: "It's your responsibility if you misuse the product.  What do
you expect us to do about it?"
CUSTOMER:  "I want you to send me one of the latest versions that doesn't
crash anymore!"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
HELPLINE:  "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?"
CUSTOMER:  "Hi!  I just bought my first car, and I chose your car because
it has automatic transmission, cruise control, power steering, power
brakes, and power door locks."
HELPLINE:  "Thanks for buying our car.  How can I help you?"
CUSTOMER:  "How do I work it?"
HELPLINE:  "Do you know how to drive?"
CUSTOMER:  "Do I know how to what?"
HELPLINE:  "Do you know how to DRIVE?"
CUSTOMER:  "I'm not a technical person!  I just want to go places in my
car!"
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Some people are like Slinkies . . . not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

snyperx

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WHAT IF PEOPLE BOUGHT CARS LIKE THEY BUY COMPUTERS?
« Reply #1 on: August 22, 2002, 03:12:07 PM »
That problably already happens.  :twisted:
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hob goblin

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WHAT IF PEOPLE BOUGHT CARS LIKE THEY BUY COMPUTERS?
« Reply #2 on: August 22, 2002, 03:16:11 PM »
Quote

At a recent computer exposition (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated:



"If General Motors had kept up with the technology like the computer

industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles

to the gallon."



In response to Bill's comments, GM issued a press release stating: "If General Motors had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:



1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.



2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.



3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason, you would simply accept this.



4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.



5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive -- but would run on only five percent of the roads.



6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "General Protection Fault" warning light.



7. The airbag system would ask "are you sure?"... before deploying.



8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.



9. Every time GM introduced a new car, car buyers would have to learn to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.



10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off."
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Netrack

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WHAT IF PEOPLE BOUGHT CARS LIKE THEY BUY COMPUTERS?
« Reply #3 on: August 22, 2002, 04:01:12 PM »
micro$oft got it handed to them by GM
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Jon

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WHAT IF PEOPLE BOUGHT CARS LIKE THEY BUY COMPUTERS?
« Reply #4 on: August 22, 2002, 05:27:27 PM »
Netrack, who are you? You haven't posted in the newbie board yet. Didn't you read the rules?
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Anonymous

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WHAT IF PEOPLE BOUGHT CARS LIKE THEY BUY COMPUTERS?
« Reply #5 on: August 22, 2002, 09:05:35 PM »
Quote from: Jon
Netrack, who are you? You haven't posted in the newbie board yet. Didn't you read the rules?


There's a rule that you says that you HAVE TO post there? Wow. I better get rid of that then. That's a pretty dumb rule then.
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Netrack

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WHAT IF PEOPLE BOUGHT CARS LIKE THEY BUY COMPUTERS?
« Reply #6 on: August 22, 2002, 11:13:54 PM »
Quote from: Jon
Netrack, who are you? You haven't posted in the newbie board yet. Didn't you read the rules?



mb im not like every one else, mb i step outside the lines of life and take a look in, mb i dont follow everyone else. mb im not like u
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Demosthenes

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WHAT IF PEOPLE BOUGHT CARS LIKE THEY BUY COMPUTERS?
« Reply #7 on: August 23, 2002, 11:08:13 AM »
"mb"?



Mighty Ballsack?

Massive Boner?

Mauve Baloney?

Miniature Brain?

Maggot Brie?






Don't taunt me with acronyms, buddy.  It is irresistable to me to try and figure out what they mean.
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hob goblin

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WHAT IF PEOPLE BOUGHT CARS LIKE THEY BUY COMPUTERS?
« Reply #8 on: August 23, 2002, 11:12:08 AM »
MayBe ... you know, since it's so hard to type up the FUCKING THREE EXTRA LETTERS
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Demosthenes

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WHAT IF PEOPLE BOUGHT CARS LIKE THEY BUY COMPUTERS?
« Reply #9 on: August 23, 2002, 11:12:53 AM »
Quote from: hob goblin
MayBe ... you know, since it's so hard to type up the FUCKING THREE EXTRA LETTERS
I know that, hg.  I was just being "difficult".  :D
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hob goblin

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WHAT IF PEOPLE BOUGHT CARS LIKE THEY BUY COMPUTERS?
« Reply #10 on: August 23, 2002, 11:15:30 AM »
hg?

Hard Grain
Hairy Grundles
Handy Goons
Hob Goblin?

you and your goddamn abbreviations, demo. :(
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Demosthenes

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WHAT IF PEOPLE BOUGHT CARS LIKE THEY BUY COMPUTERS?
« Reply #11 on: August 23, 2002, 11:17:13 AM »
exactly!
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