Topic: The Apparently Necessary Random Stuff Thread (Read 934625 times)

xolik · « **Reply #3675 on:** September 06, 2008, 11:28:19 PM »

Today, for the first time in my life, I was actually offered money for sex.

I'm at the gym, minding my own business, toweling off and getting dressed after taking a shower. About halfway into getting my clothes on, I noticed that I have what I will just call 'an admirer' watching me the entire time. More like salivating like a starving man would upon seeing a steak. I finish putting my shirt on and he waves me over to him.

Now I'm thinking to myself "Oh great, maybe he's one of my old clients at The Pit and I fixed his computer at one point or something and he just wants to say 'hi' or some such nonsense." Nope. He leans way over and whispers in my ear, "I'll pay you $200 right now if you'll fuck me."

A wide variety of thoughts raced through my head at that moment. Things like "What, do I look like a cheap whore?" I politely declined and excused myself and hurried home to post about it on THE INTERNET. It was an interesting experience, to say the least.

Chris · « **Reply #3676 on:** September 07, 2008, 12:27:00 AM »

Today I offered someone $200 dollars if they would have sex with me, but they declined for some odd reason.

dcrog · « **Reply #3677 on:** September 07, 2008, 12:31:32 AM »

What did he look like?

Dark Shade · « **Reply #3678 on:** September 07, 2008, 02:40:06 PM »

Quote from: Chris on September 07, 2008, 12:27:00 AM

Today I offered someone $200 dollars if they would have sex with me, but they declined for some odd reason.

What? The two hundred dollars, or the sex?

Socrates · « **Reply #3679 on:** September 08, 2008, 06:48:45 AM »

Quote from: xolik on September 05, 2008, 02:34:05 PM

What the hell am I going to do with a five pound Gouda cheese wheel? Ping Ping won it in a raffle last night and we have no idea what to do with it now. What I want to know is what kind of raffle gives away cheese as a prize? Maybe we'll just eBay it.

Start at the top and work your way down I'd say

Chris · « **Reply #3680 on:** September 08, 2008, 12:34:15 PM »

Quote from: Dark Shade on September 07, 2008, 02:40:06 PM

What? The two hundred dollars, or the sex?

The money, of course.

Demosthenes · « **Reply #3681 on:** September 08, 2008, 04:39:57 PM »

I just got a job offer as a result of a couple of recent interviews with a major financial institution that gives me a $10,000 per year raise plus a yearly incentive bonus that is equivalent to 18% of my salary.

I guess I still interview well.

xolik · « **Reply #3682 on:** September 08, 2008, 04:47:37 PM »

Quote from: Demosthenes on September 08, 2008, 04:39:57 PM

I just got a job offer as a result of a couple of recent interviews with a major financial institution that gives me a $10,000 per year raise plus a yearly incentive bonus that is equivalent to 18% of my salary.

I guess I still interview well.

Do they need a semi-competent Windows admin?

Demosthenes · « **Reply #3683 on:** September 08, 2008, 04:49:14 PM »

Quote from: xolik on September 08, 2008, 04:47:37 PM

Do they need a semi-competent Windows admin?

Lots of them. Their headquarters here is only about half-staffed in the IT department and they're already pumping me for recruits. Wanna move to central Minnesota? I'll vouch for you, no problemo.

xolik · « **Reply #3684 on:** September 08, 2008, 04:50:47 PM »

Quote from: Demosthenes on September 08, 2008, 04:49:14 PM

Lots of them. Their headquarters here is only about half-staffed in the IT department and they're already pumping me for recruits. Wanna move to central Minnesota? I'll vouch for you, no problemo.

As much as I'd love to, I can't. I'm still going through college here and I'm almost done. Then, if things go well, I'm getting the hell out of this shithole of a state and moving to a slightly less shithole of a state. (NV)

12AX7 · « **Reply #3685 on:** September 08, 2008, 05:15:45 PM »

Quote from: Demosthenes on September 08, 2008, 04:49:14 PM

Lots of them. Their headquarters here is only about half-staffed in the IT department and they're already pumping me for recruits.

Could I telecommute?

pbsaurus · « **Reply #3686 on:** September 09, 2008, 08:43:20 PM »

Quote from: Demosthenes on September 08, 2008, 04:39:57 PM

I just got a job offer as a result of a couple of recent interviews with a major financial institution that gives me a $10,000 per year raise plus a yearly incentive bonus that is equivalent to 18% of my salary.

I guess I still interview well.

Kick ass! My spell worked.

12AX7 · « **Reply #3687 on:** September 10, 2008, 04:54:33 AM »

Holy crap these came out fast...

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_3000388.html?menu=

Demosthenes · « **Reply #3688 on:** September 10, 2008, 09:16:52 AM »

Quote from: pbsaurus on September 09, 2008, 08:43:20 PM

Kick ass! My spell worked.

Dude. I had no idea you were that high a level.

ydnamtnediserp · « **Reply #3689 on:** September 10, 2008, 09:34:40 AM »

Quote from: 12AX7 on September 10, 2008, 04:54:33 AM

Holy crap these came out fast...

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_3000388.html?menu=

i want one!

pbsaurus · « **Reply #3690 on:** September 11, 2008, 12:06:35 AM »

Quote from: Demosthenes on September 10, 2008, 09:16:52 AM

Dude. I had no idea you were that high a level.

You are not on the need to know list.

hackess · « **Reply #3691 on:** September 11, 2008, 09:34:11 AM »

Huh. I do still exist!

Demosthenes · « **Reply #3692 on:** September 11, 2008, 10:08:55 AM »

Quote from: catwritr on September 11, 2008, 09:34:11 AM

Huh. I do still exist!

You do. Told you so.

xolik · « **Reply #3693 on:** September 11, 2008, 12:26:40 PM »

I have a nagging feeling in the back of my mind that I was supposed to do something today, but damned I can remember what.

Socrates · « **Reply #3694 on:** September 11, 2008, 12:39:45 PM »

Quote from: xolik on September 11, 2008, 12:26:40 PM

I have a nagging feeling in the back of my mind that I was supposed to do something today, but damned I can remember what.

An attractive Asian man?

MISTER MASSACRE · « **Reply #3695 on:** September 11, 2008, 01:56:09 PM »

He said in the back of his mind, not--

Min · « **Reply #3696 on:** September 11, 2008, 03:28:52 PM »

Quote from: catwritr on September 11, 2008, 09:34:11 AM

Huh. I do still exist!

Hey! Good to see you! What's been up?

xolik · « **Reply #3697 on:** September 13, 2008, 12:08:00 PM »

<--just got a Wrath of the Lich King beta code.

12AX7 · « **Reply #3698 on:** September 13, 2008, 08:21:10 PM »

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yqMjMPlXzdA

xolik · « **Reply #3699 on:** September 15, 2008, 04:06:19 PM »

Yahoo news writers are idiots.

"While the FDIC insures individual accounts up to $100,000, the reaction to IndyMac's failure this summer -- lines outside retail branches -- shows Americans have limited faith in the Federal Deposit Insurance Corp., which guarantees individual accounts up to $100,000." -Department of redundancy department.

I've been giving people advice on finances for quite some time now. Sometimes, this advice was even asked for. Nobody seems to care, however, about how to live a debt free life. Since personal responsibility and self-denial are simply too hard for us Americans, here's my advice on how to be a total fuckstick when it comes to your finances. Why worry about the future when you can enjoy today? Here's how to live the modern American Dream!

Obtain as many credit cards as you can. Nothing says "Power" and "Wealth" than a wallet full of credit cards. Not only does it give you plenty of "free" money to work with (who cares if it's got a 20% rate? Just make the minimum payments!) but think of how impressed all your friends will be when they see you whip out that Discover Platinum edition. After all, what good are friends if you can't make them envy you?

Buy things based upon their looks, not functionality. Let's say it's your eighth year at the Community College (only three more to go until you graduate!) and you want a laptop to be able to take notes during class. Sure, Best Buy may have that Acer on sale for $250, but look at it! It's gray and ugly. That simply won't do. You're a working professional! A highly respected Barrista at the local Starbucks! You can't be seen with a "commoners" laptop. No, only a fully loaded MacBook Pro will do. You'll blend right in with locals where you work, as well. Who cares if you don't know the first thing how the thing actually works and give up trying to figure out how to turn it on? It's silver and shiny and would look great with your text book sitting on top of it as you scribble down sheet after sheet of notes during lecture. You'll be the envy of the class!

Wear only imported clothes. And from good countries like Italy and Spain. The more European sounding the label, the better. Prada sunglasses, Louis Vuitton bags, Patek Phillipe watch, D&G shirts and Versace jeans. Wear no shoe under $300. You can make up the cost by eating nothing but raman twice a day. Plus think of all the weight you'll lose since you can't afford to eat real food! It's a win-win situation!

You are what you drive. Don't be scared off by all the horror stories of high gas prices. (You have a credit card for that anyways, remember?) You need to show the whole world that you are among the elite. A real mover and a shaker. Get a fully loaded H3. The less miles to the gallon the better. This lets the world know that you're not bothered by such trivial things as the price of oil or the war in Iraq. Plus, if you're a guy, an SUV practically screams machismo. You're the boss of the road and don't take shit from anybody. Cut off as many people as you can to remind them of this fact.

Subprime loans are awesome! A Million dollar home for $1200 a month? You'd be an idiot to turn that down! And for such a great rate for the first two years as well. Certainly you'll have earned that much sought after promotion to assistant manager by then and won't have any problems paying it off. You don't want your friends to think that you're some type of poor person do you? And won't your family be so proud of you when eventually you tell them you're foreclosing on a MILLION DOLLAR MANSION? You'll be the talk of the next family reunion!

Yes, you too can live the American Dream by simply following the above steps. Don't put it off any longer! It's getting harder and harder to get that much coveted subprime loan, so what are you waiting for? And besides, the government can always just bail you out! START TODAY!

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Author Topic: The Apparently Necessary Random Stuff Thread (Read 934625 times)

12AX7

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