Topic: The Apparently Necessary Random Stuff Thread (Read 934604 times)

12AX7 · « **Reply #4050 on:** February 17, 2009, 10:42:35 PM »

This will be me in my next job!

Unfortunately, as I've gotten a little older, I've become a little
less sensitive. So after landing my new job as a Wal-Mart greeter, a good find
for many retirees, I lasted less than a day.

About 2 hrs into my first day on the job, a very loud, unattractive,
mean-acting woman walked into the store with her 2 kids, cursing & yelling
obscenities at them all the way thru the entrance.

As I had been instructed, I said pleasantly, "Good morning , &
welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice children you have there. Are they twins?"

The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, "Hell no, they
ain't twins. The oldest one's 9, & the other one's 7. Why the
hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?"

So I replied, "I'm neither blind nor stupid, madam; I just
couldn't believe you got laid twice. Have a good day, & thanks for
shopping at Wal-Mart."

My supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work

Novice · « **Reply #4051 on:** February 19, 2009, 10:50:00 PM »

Go fuck yourself!

xolik · « **Reply #4052 on:** February 20, 2009, 01:05:03 PM »

Me - "What the hell is wrong with me now? I can't breathe! This sucks!"

*ding*"You've got mail!"

From: The Kids, RE: OBAMA IS A SECRET MUSLIM! Also, you have Asthma.

"Hey, Xolly! I think I forgot to tell you that when you were little, the doctor told me that your asthma would come back with a vengeance when you hit your 30s. Thought you ought to know. P.S. Dad needs the God Code for Doom3 again because he lost it."

Me:

HeavyJay · « **Reply #4053 on:** February 22, 2009, 06:22:58 PM »

I just tried to yodel and failed. SadJay.

xolik · « **Reply #4054 on:** February 22, 2009, 10:51:24 PM »

SEND HELP!

xolik · « **Reply #4055 on:** February 24, 2009, 01:53:09 PM »

Lent time!

If you do this kind of thing, what are you going to give up?

I'm going for three things, but two only will probably make it out. Give up WoW, Give up soda, Give up not going to the gym each day.

Min · « **Reply #4056 on:** February 24, 2009, 04:06:09 PM »

Oh first of all...lol on Ping Ping's return!

Second, not sure if I'm doing lent this year. Enrique always does, of course. Two years ago, he gave up alcohol and every time we went out with friends, he'd put what he would have spent in a jar and at the end of lent, he donated it to testicular cancer research since one of my students was suffering from it at the time. Did I already brag about what a wonderful man I have?

So for you....hmmm, no soda and no gym every day? Did I guess right which one will prevail?

xolik · « **Reply #4057 on:** February 24, 2009, 05:07:43 PM »

Quote from: Detta on February 24, 2009, 04:06:09 PM

Oh first of all...lol on Ping Ping's return!

Second, not sure if I'm doing lent this year. Enrique always does, of course. Two years ago, he gave up alcohol and every time we went out with friends, he'd put what he would have spent in a jar and at the end of lent, he donated it to testicular cancer research since one of my students was suffering from it at the time. Did I already brag about what a wonderful man I have?

So for you....hmmm, no soda and no gym every day? Did I guess right which one will prevail?

Oh, not quite. I'm giving up on not going to the gym everyday. I've been a lazy slacker and gained 10 pounds, and not the good kind. So I'll have to go every day.

And yes, Enrique is quite the nice fellow.

Today is kind of going slow at work. I think I'll log into one of the Domain Controllers with my Enterprise Admin account, fire up Internet Explorer and just run every goddamn executable I find in my spam email folder. That ought to keep me busy for a while.

Min · « **Reply #4058 on:** February 24, 2009, 05:40:35 PM »

I misunderstood. I thought you meant that you go every day and that it's too much so you were going to not go every day. I think I still would have answered the same way though.

pbsaurus · « **Reply #4059 on:** February 24, 2009, 06:57:12 PM »

I'm going to try Lent sometime. I also want to do Ramadan fasting sometime. And maybe a few of the Jewish fasts. Maybe I'll start with the Lent thing starting tomorrow. But what to give up? Well I have a few hours to decide I guess.

Min · « **Reply #4060 on:** February 24, 2009, 07:18:24 PM »

I hear Ramadan fasting really sucks. I had a Palestinian student last year. I think that's what she was fasting for anyway. She had to wake up at like 3 am to eat or something. She couldn't do her schoolwork because she was so tired and hungry.

Anyway, have you been on facebook pb? I put some nicer pics on there from the wedding.

HeavyJay · « **Reply #4061 on:** February 24, 2009, 11:13:09 PM »

Reminds me of a joke.

A couple on their honeymoon check in to their hotel and get settled in. The wife comes out of the bathroom in a teddy, but the husband shrugs at her and says, "Sorry, it's Lent."

"Well," she says, "who the fuck did you lend it to?"

12AX7 · « **Reply #4062 on:** February 25, 2009, 10:16:11 AM »

The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, 'Hello.'

'Mrs. Sanders, please.'

'Speaking.'

'Mrs. Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory.

When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a
biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well.

We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband. Frankly,
either way the results are not too good.'

'What do you mean?' Mrs. Sanders asks nervously.

'Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the
other one tested positive for HIV. We can't tell which is which.'

'That's dreadful! Can you do the test again?' questioned Mrs.
Sanders.

' Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for these expensive
tests one time.'

'Well, what am I supposed to do now?'

'The folks at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off
somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him.'

pbsaurus · « **Reply #4063 on:** February 25, 2009, 07:02:29 PM »

Quote from: Detta on February 24, 2009, 07:18:24 PM

I hear Ramadan fasting really sucks. I had a Palestinian student last year. I think that's what she was fasting for anyway. She had to wake up at like 3 am to eat or something. She couldn't do her schoolwork because she was so tired and hungry.

Anyway, have you been on facebook pb? I put some nicer pics on there from the wedding.

Yep.

Oh and the lenten sacrifice will be donuts. And it's all I've been thinking of all day. FSM grant me the power to overcome the evil of that donut shop on the way to work.

Min · « **Reply #4064 on:** March 01, 2009, 05:39:57 PM »

It is snowing in Richmond, VA. The miracles just keep rolling in in 2009.

12AX7 · « **Reply #4065 on:** March 01, 2009, 06:55:55 PM »

Quote from: Detta on March 01, 2009, 05:39:57 PM

It is snowing in Richmond, VA. The miracles just keep rolling in in 2009.

Snowing down in the ATL, too, but not up here in the hills (yet).

http://www.wunderground.com/wundermap/

This is a pretty good real-time animated weather map. You can set preferences for where (by ZIP code), and what you want to see (NEXRAD radar, weather stations, cloud cover, etc) without having to sign up or register or anything. I used all the time when it was warmer to go ride the bike without having to tote rain gear, lol.

jeee · « **Reply #4066 on:** March 02, 2009, 11:26:58 AM »

This is a new Dutch Heineken Commercial, I tought it was pretty funny.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yIutgtzwhAc#noexternalembed

12AX7 · « **Reply #4067 on:** March 02, 2009, 12:08:54 PM »

AHAHA!! +1

Wunderkind · « **Reply #4068 on:** March 05, 2009, 03:55:37 PM »

This octopus walks into a bar and orders a Corona. "That'll be two bucks," says the bartender. So the octopus pays up and says "Will you give me fifty bucks if I can play any instrument you name? "Sure," says the bartender, "go play that piano." So the octopus goes to the piano, sits down, and out comes Van Cliburn, Paderewski, and Liberace all at once. "Damn!" says the bartender, "That's amazing!" And he pays up the fifty bucks.
Another guy at the bar pulls out a trumpet and says "Play this for fifty." So the octopus starts playing it, and it sounds just like Doc Severinson and Louie Armstrong all at once. And another guy pulls out a guitar, the octopus plays it, and Les Paul, Mary Ford and Andres Segovia are all right there in the music.

Finally a Scot, in full kilt, walks in and he says "Aye laddie, I'll wager ye cannae play these pipes. So the octopus picks up the pipes, twists them this way and that, looks at the plaid bagskirt, holds them up in the light, and finally puts them down on the barstool next to him while he used six of his eight arms to scratch his head. "Ha!" said the Scot, "Ye canne play them and I win!"

"Play, hell!" said the octopus, "I wanna have sex with it if I can get its pajamas off...!"

dcrog · « **Reply #4069 on:** March 05, 2009, 05:47:31 PM »

Quote from: bananaskittles on March 05, 2009, 05:39:52 PM

I would very much enjoy reading some Octopus/Bagpipe porn... I wonder if it exists on the internet.

They always file that right next to the Homoerotic A-Team fan fiction.

Demosthenes · « **Reply #4070 on:** March 05, 2009, 05:57:01 PM »

Quote from: bananaskittles on March 05, 2009, 05:39:52 PM

I would very much enjoy reading some Octopus/Bagpipe porn... I wonder if it exists on the internet.

Rule 34, my dear. Rule 34.

xolik · « **Reply #4071 on:** March 05, 2009, 06:07:54 PM »

I did a Google Image Search for 'tentacle sex' but no results were returned. I don't think it's out there.

Demosthenes · « **Reply #4072 on:** March 05, 2009, 06:11:07 PM »

Quote from: xolik on March 05, 2009, 06:07:54 PM

I did a Google Image Search for 'tentacle sex' but no results were returned. I don't think it's out there.

That's because there's no such thing as tentacle sex.

Weirdo.

xolik · « **Reply #4073 on:** March 05, 2009, 06:27:51 PM »

Quote from: Demosthenes on March 05, 2009, 06:11:07 PM

That's because there's no such thing as tentacle sex.

Weirdo.

I did learn an interesting thing about Hitler. He liked it when Eva would, uh, 'rain' on him. In fact, it was even in his book. You see I was doing my normal Google searches and just happened to enter 'Hitler goldenshower mein kampf' and then I learned all about it. I fee like I've accomplished something today.

Not like last week. Last week was all fucked up. I went over to the Department of Motor Vehicles because I wanted to get a Motorcycle License and they said, "Well, you gotta go over there and talk to the man," so I went over to the man and he gave me a ticket so I sat down-- I was there until eight and by then the place was closed and I had to spend the night there. When they opened up the next day, I was very hungry and they said, "What were you doing here over-night?" and I said, "Well, I was waiting to get a Motorcycle License," and they said, "Well, you're at Home Depot."

I still don't have a license. Only a permit.

xolik · « **Reply #4074 on:** March 05, 2009, 06:38:37 PM »

Oh, der fuhrer was a wonderful dancer, and he could paint an entire apartment in a single afternoon TWO COATS!

Chuarrrrghchill....

Quote from: bananaskittles on March 05, 2009, 06:34:32 PM

I remember reading about him pulling an R. Kelly back in grade 10 when we were still allowed to use Wikipedia for information.

You should be happy you at least had Wikipedia, missy, because back when I was in grade 10, the only thing I had like that was the bum on the corner.

News:

Recent Forum Posts

Shout Box

Author Topic: The Apparently Necessary Random Stuff Thread (Read 934604 times)

12AX7

12AX7

12AX7

12AX7