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  • (January 12, 2023, 01:18:11 AM)

Author Topic: Proved: Existence of God  (Read 5311 times)

Joe Sixpack

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Proved: Existence of God
« on: June 01, 2008, 03:10:13 PM »
So it turns out that last night I accidentally proved the existence of God, and I thought you guys would like to know.  It's very scientific to get peer review.

I wanted to watch Team America, which is overdue as I have not seen it in months, so I popped in the disc.  All is well up until the "I promise I will never die" scene, at which point it just hangs.  Shit! (This is not the part that proves God is real). 
It becomes clear I am not going to be able to watch the best movie ever, so I go back to the TV.  Flipping through the channels I get to Comedy Central, and what is on, but Team America!  Not only that, but it is on the Secret Stash, which means the only part that is censored is the Girls Gone Wild commercials.  And not only not only that, but it is at the exact part where I left off!
One thing I did notice, though, is that for all that He isn't omnipotent.  It was in full screen, after all.  And you would think he could either uncensor the GGW commercials or get rid of them.  And he doesn't care for the poop scene I guess.  But still, A-, way to go.
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"God places cherubim with a flaming sword east of Eden to guard the Tree of Life from the ambitions of man.

Cherubim is plural; Genesis 3:24 specifies one flaming sword. Presumably flaming swords were in short supply."

The_FOO

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Re: Proved: Existence of God
« Reply #1 on: June 01, 2008, 11:36:01 PM »
Did you try washing the disc in warm water with a bit of dish soap? Pat dry with a clean cloth/towel (not paper towel).

This often fixes "broken" discs around my place that greasy fingered "Idontknows" have "damaged".
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RelandR

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Re: Proved: Existence of God
« Reply #2 on: June 02, 2008, 12:14:09 AM »
I think Gods greasy fingerprints are indelible. If you don't get another identical miracle out of this, the disk is now permanently hosed ... only worthy of enshrinement alongside other notable icons like that holy moly mary grilled cheese sandwich, if anything.
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Dark Shade

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Re: Proved: Existence of God
« Reply #3 on: June 02, 2008, 05:01:00 AM »
Pledge.

Trust me.
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HeavyJay

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Re: Proved: Existence of God
« Reply #4 on: June 02, 2008, 07:18:56 AM »
Quote from: Joe Sixpack on June 01, 2008, 03:10:13 PM
It was in full screen, after all.

This is the Devil's work.
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Joe Sixpack

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Re: Proved: Existence of God
« Reply #5 on: June 02, 2008, 09:46:11 AM »
I think you people are missing the point.  It wasn't divine intervention that made the disc not work, it was His Glorious Providence that saw fit to have it on regular TV at just the moment I needed it.
Besides which I just restored a backup, and all is well now.  I'm not doing any form of dishes.
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"God places cherubim with a flaming sword east of Eden to guard the Tree of Life from the ambitions of man.

Cherubim is plural; Genesis 3:24 specifies one flaming sword. Presumably flaming swords were in short supply."

The_FOO

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Re: Proved: Existence of God
« Reply #6 on: June 02, 2008, 10:00:38 AM »
Quote from: Joe Sixpack on June 02, 2008, 09:46:11 AM
Besides which I just restored a backup, and all is well now.  I'm not doing any form of dishes.

ZOMG! You're a Pir8! I'm calling the MPAA! The RIAA! The FBI! and the PETA! on you.
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RelandR

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Re: Proved: Existence of God
« Reply #7 on: June 02, 2008, 01:46:48 PM »
Quote from: The_FOO on June 02, 2008, 10:00:38 AM
ZOMG! You're a Pir8! I'm calling the MPAA! The RIAA! The FBI! and the PETA! on you.

pssst, they all most of them work directly for Satan.
God shall go forth and prepare a special place for those who go against them.
« Last Edit: June 02, 2008, 01:48:49 PM by RelandR »
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12AX7

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Re: Proved: Existence of God
« Reply #8 on: June 02, 2008, 02:36:19 PM »
Quote from: RelandR on June 02, 2008, 01:46:48 PM
God shall go forth and prepare a special place for those who go against them.

Doesn't He usually have some flunk... prophet do that? I don't remember the whole story; but I remember He never really did much personally. Other than the first week (and He didn't HAVE any help then); after that He always delegated shit to some underling. If He did actually do anything for Himself; they called it a miracle. Kinda like my boss.
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Joe Sixpack

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Re: Proved: Existence of God
« Reply #9 on: June 02, 2008, 02:52:38 PM »
He knocked up Mary Himself.
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"God places cherubim with a flaming sword east of Eden to guard the Tree of Life from the ambitions of man.

Cherubim is plural; Genesis 3:24 specifies one flaming sword. Presumably flaming swords were in short supply."

12AX7

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Re: Proved: Existence of God
« Reply #10 on: June 02, 2008, 03:57:52 PM »
Yeh, but like I said, they even called THAT a miracle.
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xolik

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Re: Proved: Existence of God
« Reply #11 on: June 02, 2008, 05:52:03 PM »
Quote from: Joe Sixpack on June 02, 2008, 02:52:38 PM
He knocked up Mary Himself.

Mary is proof that abstinence is not 100% effective.
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Wunderkind

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Re: Proved: Existence of God
« Reply #12 on: June 02, 2008, 11:26:55 PM »
Quote from: xolik on June 02, 2008, 05:52:03 PM
Mary is proof that abstinence is not 100% effective.

Before I ramble on and on about how Mary wasn't abstinent because she clearly got knocked up, even if it was by God, and just because it was God doesn't mean it doesn't count, because let's face it, this isn't a serious thread and I don't want to make it one...

I thought Mary was proof that some chicks lie.  :|

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Chris

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Re: Proved: Existence of God
« Reply #13 on: June 02, 2008, 11:29:33 PM »
Whoa, whoa, WHOA! Chicks lie? What?
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Dark Shade

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Re: Proved: Existence of God
« Reply #14 on: June 02, 2008, 11:46:37 PM »
Quote from: Chris on June 02, 2008, 11:29:33 PM
Whoa, whoa, WHOA! Chicks lie? What?

What is this new skulduggery? Tell me immediately!
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jeee

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Re: Proved: Existence of God
« Reply #15 on: June 03, 2008, 07:37:13 AM »
Of course God exists. I have been posting here for ages.
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Joe Sixpack

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Re: Proved: Existence of God
« Reply #16 on: June 03, 2008, 08:14:45 AM »
I would hope God would be funnier than that.
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"God places cherubim with a flaming sword east of Eden to guard the Tree of Life from the ambitions of man.

Cherubim is plural; Genesis 3:24 specifies one flaming sword. Presumably flaming swords were in short supply."

12AX7

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Re: Proved: Existence of God
« Reply #17 on: June 03, 2008, 10:25:16 AM »
He's tryin to keep a low profile there in Daneland currently.
Especially in the comic/comedy area; really on the d/l.
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ivan

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Re: Proved: Existence of God
« Reply #18 on: June 03, 2008, 12:08:45 PM »
First time I had read the Bible it had stroke me as unwitty. I think it may started rumor that the Lord ain't got no humor.

Put me inside SSC, let's test superstring theory. Oh yoi yoi accelerate the protons, stir it twice and then just add me, 'cause I don't read the Bible, I don't trust disciple, even if they're made of marble or Canal Street bling.

From the maelstrom of the knowledge into the labyrinth of doubt, frozed underground ocean melting - nuking on my mind. Yes, give me Everything Theory, without Nazi uniformity. My brothers are protons my sisters are neurons -- stir it twice, it's instant family!

I don't read the Bible, I don't trust disciple, even if they're made of marble or Canal Street bling. My brothers are protons, my sisters are neurons. Stir it twice для прекрасных дам...

Do you have sex maniacs, or schizophrenics, or astrophysicists in your family? Was my grandma anti anti? Was my grandpa bounty bounty? Hek-o-hek-o-hej-o! They ask me in embassy!

'Cause I don't read the Bible, I don't trust disciple, even if they're made of marble or Canal Street bling. And my grandma she was anti! And my grandpa he was bounty! And stir it twice and then just add me!

Partypartypartypartypartyparty!

Now afterparty...
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The_FOO

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Re: Proved: Existence of God
« Reply #19 on: June 03, 2008, 09:17:57 PM »
Uhm... What?

Has someone been feeding Ivan after midnight again?
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Joe Sixpack

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Re: Proved: Existence of God
« Reply #20 on: June 03, 2008, 09:21:15 PM »
Those guys remind me a lot of The Red Elvises.
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"God places cherubim with a flaming sword east of Eden to guard the Tree of Life from the ambitions of man.

Cherubim is plural; Genesis 3:24 specifies one flaming sword. Presumably flaming swords were in short supply."