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Submitted by TheJudgeHello friends. It’s been a while since I wrote something for the Geekery so I decided to put my work on hold, order myself a pizza, and ponder the meaning of my miserable existence. Well… Maybe I better skip that last part. It could lead to a bloodshed. So instead, I’ll write this little bit about how people are generally complete utter morons when it comes to following simple instructions.
Some of you know that I was involved in a huge project at work. Last week, we’ve launched a new website for employees and managers. We had planned this rollout for months. 3 weeks prior to launching the site, I had traveled to various cities in the Atlantic and also in Ottawa. I came back on March 26 and worked during that weekend so that the following Monday, our new HR self service website would be available. And from this point on, my life became miserable…
First, I should clarify what this website does. Self service means people can go on the site and help themselves to some information or do transactions. For example, employees can view all of their leave information through various means such as calendars, detailed reports, summary reports, etc. Leave information consists of vacation leave, sick leave, bereavement leave, marriage leave, and a shit load more. In fact, there are 16 types of leave our employees can apply for on-line. Ah! The wonderful benefits of working for the Government! Long story short, people used to request leave on paper. They would bring a form for their manager to approve and sign, that form would then be sent to the HR department where clerks would input the transaction in the system. Well not anymore. Now employees go online and fill out an electronic request. The manager receiving a request is notified and he or she can go online and take action on it (approve, reject or forward to another manager for action). From the day we launched the site, we would no longer accept any paper requests for those 16 leave types. We would send them back with a message stating that they should now go make the request on-line.
During my little 3 week training road show, I was disappointed. The participation level was low despite our efforts to get people to attend. We had the president send out a message to the entire department, and then we had a representative from each region later send out another invitation for all staff and managers to attend. Unfortunately, everyone wanted to politically correct so no one dared use the word “Mandatory training”. Nooooooo….. So what happened? 40% to 60% of the people showed up, depending on the region. And of those, only 35% to 50% of managers showed up. And the result of this shitty participation? I feel like I’m back in a call center dealing with retards. I have the regions on my ass because they want me to come back and train the rest of the idiots who didn’t show up the last time. So I am but I’m finding similar results.
The other day, I did an extra session for Head Office. We had 24 participants registered. Only 12 showed up. Guess who the missing 12 were? Mostly management. And guess who calls me when there’s an incoming request? Management. Fuck! And the most frustrating thing is that most of them apparently can’t read. Let me give you some examples:
Q: I try to send a leave request to someone else and they don’t come up when I search for them
A: The instructions on the search page clearly state that you have to search on the first name OR the surname. Not both names. The brochure we handed out at the training session that you may or may not attend also clearly states this. And I did say it myself and showed an example when I gave the training session.
Q. Your stupid system doesn’t work. I’m trying to request half a day of sick leave and the fucking thing won’t let me!
A. Because you didn’t attend the training session and because you are illiterate, you are not using the system correctly. On step one of the leave request process, you must indicate what day you were sick, regardless of being sick for half a day. On step two, you can adjust the hours requested and change it from 7.5 hours to 3 hours, or what ever is appropriate to your schedule. Had you attended the training session, bothered to read the brochure I spent a week making, or even bothered to look in the help file or just took the time to read the instructions on your screen, you would know this. Can I help you with anything else?
Q. So and so doesn’t appear on my list of staff. I want you to put her name there.
A. The system only lets you manage your direct reports. She reports to someone else therefore you are not entitled to her information.
Q. I just received an e-mail saying so and so requested leave. I just hit the “reply” button in outlook and typed “Approved”. Is that it?
A. No moron. As indicated in the e-mail, you have a pending request on the HR self service website. This was just a notification. You actually need to go on the website to view and deal with the actual request, believe it or not!
Q. So and so doesn’t appear on my list of employees and I do manager her. Get her on my list now!
A. According to the database, so and so is currently appointed to position X. Position X reports to position Y which is not currently occupied by you, thus she doesn’t report to you, as you can see on the Org Chart. If you have an informal arrangement with another manager where you “borrowed” a staff, this will not reflect in the “Official” HR system. If you want to get the name of so and so on your list, you will have to request a change in position reporting relationships where position X no longer reports to position Y but to your own. That request will need to be approved by the manager occupying position Y, by the VP and by the classification manager who manages the position reporting relationships for the entire department. Only then will so an so officially report to you.
Q. I can’t login!
A. As stated on the website, in the brochure, by the helpdesk and by myself during training session, your user ID is the same as your windows user ID that you use every morning to login to your computer, your password by default is your personal record identifier (PRI) which can be found on your pay stub. Oh… it works now does it? Weird!
Q. When the VP receives a leave request notification by e-mail, there’s no link included in the e-mail directing him to the HR site! No one will get leave approved!!!
A. The e-mail content is generated by the system. It’s compiled code. I can’t change it. Please inform the VP about the wonderful bookmark feature of IE. It will really blow his mind!
Q. You’re system sucks ass!
A. That’s not even a question moron.
Q. I’m getting an error when submitting a leave request. It says I can’t request leave in previous fiscal years! What’s up with that???
A. Retry the leave request, but try picking the right year. We are currently in 2004, not 2003. On an unrelated note, today’s Wednesday in case you that’s relevant to you. And we are on the planet Earth. You know, in the solar system, inside the Milky Way which is part of the universe which we believe to be infinite but can’t really prove that it is.
The questions are just one part. I didn’t even get into the suggestions on how to improve the system. And frankly, I don’t think I have the energy. Perhaps I’ll save that for another time. Overall, I’m getting about 50 calls a day. When I’m on a call, by the time I hang up, I have another call on my voicemail. I’m hoping it will die down soon. If people were able to read, that would certainly make my life easier!
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