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Main Forums => Anarchy => Topic started by: MISTER MASSACRE on June 28, 2006, 01:20:07 PM

Title: My landlord is a funny man!
Post by: MISTER MASSACRE on June 28, 2006, 01:20:07 PM
I live in an one bedroom apartment in a building that's seen better days.

My water often doesn't work. The elevator in my building scares visitors. My power goes off with the kind of frequency one could expect in occupied Iraq.

I was enjoying one of the power outages about an hour ago when someone slipped an envelope under my door. It was a notice for a hearing about "a rent increase above the guideline".

I had this notice about all the so very expensive upgrades made to my building and how they just *have* to increase rent delivered to me at one of the times it was most obvious how worthless all of these "upgrades" are.

FUNNY STUFF GUYS!
Title: Re: My landlord is a funny man!
Post by: pbsaurus on June 28, 2006, 01:24:15 PM
So you are going to the hearing, right?
Title: Re: My landlord is a funny man!
Post by: Min on June 28, 2006, 01:32:24 PM
Pffff.  Nice!
Title: Re: My landlord is a funny man!
Post by: MISTER MASSACRE on June 28, 2006, 01:38:12 PM
So you are going to the hearing, right?

If I'm still living here in August, you bet. I plan on being gone ASAP though.
Title: Re: My landlord is a funny man!
Post by: MISTER MASSACRE on June 29, 2006, 02:26:42 PM
Update: power was out again today. Thunderstorms later, so I can expect more of the same.
Title: Re: My landlord is a funny man!
Post by: TheJudge on June 29, 2006, 02:38:51 PM
Did they actually specify what these *upgrades* are?
Title: Re: My landlord is a funny man!
Post by: xolik on June 29, 2006, 02:52:44 PM
Did they actually specify what these *upgrades* are?

Larger, more areodynamic rodents?
Title: Re: My landlord is a funny man!
Post by: MISTER MASSACRE on June 29, 2006, 03:25:19 PM
Did they actually specify what these *upgrades* are?

1 Environmental (that's as specific as it gets) - $61,368.76
2 Exterior Paint (I saw some wet paint signs, but they were inside...) - $21,293.00
3 Fire Protection (as near as I can figure, this consists of the notices and fire drills we get once a month that always wake me up and piss me off) - $1,221.87
4 Entry System (electronic dongles!) - $16,209.92
5 Elevator Upgrade (it hasn't killed anyone AFAIK, so I guess this one was worth it) -
$5,093.20
6 Compactor - $17,719.20
7 Boiler Upgrades (my water has only been shut off three times this month, which I wouldn't really mind if we had any warning) - $2,520.15
8 Electrical (AHAHAHAHA) - $3,488.20

So you see, they've nicely itemized all the improvements without the improvements themselves actually seeming to do anything. :D
Title: Re: My landlord is a funny man!
Post by: dcrog on June 29, 2006, 04:02:23 PM
Did they actually specify what these *upgrades* are?

1 Environmental (that's as specific as it gets) - $61,368.76



That amount and description sounds a lot like asbestos abatement.

Do you have a bunch of plumbing pipes in exposed areas with a hard insulation on them?  Although they could be in the basement around the boiler.
Title: Re: My landlord is a funny man!
Post by: Demosthenes on June 29, 2006, 05:51:31 PM
Bwahahaha.  Nice avatar, dcrog.  :)

6 Compactor - $17,719.20

Tell them that WinRAR is a free download. 
Title: Re: My landlord is a funny man!
Post by: dcrog on June 29, 2006, 06:13:54 PM
Bwahahaha.  Nice avatar, dcrog.  :)

I knew you would like it.  :wink:

Someone suggested a couple of times that I should use it.  I'm just a little slow at getting around to things.
Title: Re: My landlord is a funny man!
Post by: TheJudge on June 29, 2006, 06:56:49 PM
Did they actually specify what these *upgrades* are?

1 Environmental (that's as specific as it gets) - $61,368.76
2 Exterior Paint (I saw some wet paint signs, but they were inside...) - $21,293.00
3 Fire Protection (as near as I can figure, this consists of the notices and fire drills we get once a month that always wake me up and piss me off) - $1,221.87
4 Entry System (electronic dongles!) - $16,209.92
5 Elevator Upgrade (it hasn't killed anyone AFAIK, so I guess this one was worth it) -
$5,093.20
6 Compactor - $17,719.20
7 Boiler Upgrades (my water has only been shut off three times this month, which I wouldn't really mind if we had any warning) - $2,520.15
8 Electrical (AHAHAHAHA) - $3,488.20

So you see, they've nicely itemized all the improvements without the improvements themselves actually seeming to do anything. :D


Maybe it's more of a working plan. They increase your rent now so that they may implement it later when you move out.  :roll:
Title: Re: My landlord is a funny man!
Post by: ewomack on June 30, 2006, 07:36:40 AM
Wow. This guy must have graduated with honors from slumlord college. That's positively BRILLIANT!

Does he live in the building? I'm guessing not. Does he ever appear in the building? I'm guessing not very often.

And I agree with the post above that suggested something else going on. A lot of money for some rather vague improvements. If you wake up surrounded by people in white bubble suits scraping the walls sprint don't run to your nearest lawfirm.
Title: Re: My landlord is a funny man!
Post by: jeee on June 30, 2006, 08:02:28 AM
Environmental is always expensive. Thanks to those left-wing environmentalists.
Title: Re: My landlord is a funny man!
Post by: Evonus on June 30, 2006, 10:15:39 PM
So you are going to the hearing, right?

If I'm still living here in August, you bet. I plan on being gone ASAP though.


Yeah, after reading that lovely "list of improvements" I think you should be gone. (Especially because the largest improvement was the environmental stuff which usually means less water and heat.)

Also, if you landlord is that big of a sleeze ball he/she is probably not going to give you your security deposit back, so I'd trash the plac (or light it on fire) before you go.  :wink:
Title: Re: My landlord is a funny man!
Post by: ho0ber on July 01, 2006, 06:30:55 PM
Also, if you landlord is that big of a sleeze ball he/she is probably not going to give you your security deposit back, so I'd trash the plac (or light it on fire) before you go.  :wink:

Don't light a fire. The bastard will collect millions for the Ferrari he keeps in his closet and the fine artwork he'll pretend to have, and not to mention a huge amount of money for all of the "improvements" he has just done to the place. I don't know what it is, but this whole place just sounds like insurance fraud waiting to happen.

I say just cherry bomb his toilet.
Title: Re: My landlord is a funny man!
Post by: Min on July 01, 2006, 09:29:19 PM
Hey ho0b.
Title: Re: My landlord is a funny man!
Post by: Crystalmonkey on July 02, 2006, 08:10:39 AM
Don't trash it. If he doesn't give it back, just take him to small claims court.


Make sure to take plenty of pictures of how clean it is when you leave, or he might try and make a mess and say it is your fault. ((You may want to take a picture with a newspaper, to make sure the date is known.))
Title: Re: My landlord is a funny man!
Post by: Evonus on July 02, 2006, 11:56:15 AM
Don't trash it. If he doesn't give it back, just take him to small claims court.


Make sure to take plenty of pictures of how clean it is when you leave, or he might try and make a mess and say it is your fault. ((You may want to take a picture with a newspaper, to make sure the date is known.))

Take a picture, put it in an envelope, and mail it to a relative. The post office puts dates on everything. That way they'll know when the pictures were taken.
Title: Re: My landlord is a funny man!
Post by: Crystalmonkey on July 02, 2006, 12:32:20 PM
Good idea, you could also mail it to yourself.

That way, it stays unopened.
Title: Re: My landlord is a funny man!
Post by: ho0ber on July 02, 2006, 11:32:36 PM
Hey ho0b.

Hey! How's it shaking Detta?
Title: Re: My landlord is a funny man!
Post by: Min on July 03, 2006, 07:40:49 AM
Attractively.
Title: Re: My landlord is a funny man!
Post by: ho0ber on July 03, 2006, 07:58:27 AM
Attractively.

I didn't know there was any other way when you were involved, Detta. But I was looking for something more descriptive, perhaps an equation representing the motion of the shaking.
Title: Re: My landlord is a funny man!
Post by: Dark Shade on July 03, 2006, 10:45:16 AM
Attractively.

I didn't know there was any other way when you were involved, Detta. But I was looking for something more descriptive, perhaps an equation representing the motion of the shaking.

No. :P

Hey ho0b. Good to see you back among us again.
Title: Re: My landlord is a funny man!
Post by: hackess on July 03, 2006, 05:38:25 PM
Hey, h00b. Welcome back!
Title: Re: My landlord is a funny man!
Post by: Chris on July 05, 2006, 02:06:07 PM
I suggest some how finding a way to slip fish and other meat products between the walls before you move out. Give it a week and you have instant revenge.
Title: Re: My landlord is a funny man!
Post by: TheJudge on July 06, 2006, 06:39:49 AM

Hey ho0b. Good to see you back among us again.

I read that as "hey noob" and I LOLed because DS called ho0b a noob (which would be uncharacteristic and therefore funny), but then I realised he didn't.  :-(
Title: Re: My landlord is a funny man!
Post by: Dark Shade on July 06, 2006, 11:37:22 AM
A 'ho0b n00b', if you will. I like it, but it's not very appropriate. :P
Title: Re: My landlord is a funny man!
Post by: ho0ber on July 06, 2006, 10:43:01 PM
Aww thanks guys!

o btw - can sum1 plz help me hax my ex-gf's hotmail accnt???!11 KTHXBYE!!11one1

Annnnnyway - it is good to be back - I missed you guys.
Title: Re: My landlord is a funny man!
Post by: Chris on July 06, 2006, 11:20:40 PM
No. Absolutely not. What do you think this is? Hack ernetwork?
Title: Re: My landlord is a funny man!
Post by: MISTER MASSACRE on September 15, 2006, 03:08:21 PM
Update:

My rent has been raised! My water has been off for two days! HOORAY

Breaking news!

My water has just come back on! There was a sign posted sometime last night (after 10pm, which is when I came home) that the water would be off from the hours of 9pm - 3pm today. I guess the 9pm should have been 9am and the 3 should have been a 4! I'm not sure when I was supposed to read this sign, but I'm glad I didn't have anything to do today that required me to not stink.


Title: Re: My landlord is a funny man!
Post by: pbsaurus on September 15, 2006, 03:59:19 PM
You could always go with the poor man's shower (using lots of deodorant)
Title: Re: My landlord is a funny man!
Post by: Evonus on September 15, 2006, 06:47:21 PM
You could always go with the poor man's shower (using lots of deodorant)

Actually, that would probably be more expensive.
Title: Re: My landlord is a funny man!
Post by: pbsaurus on September 15, 2006, 07:00:04 PM
Homeless people usually don't have access to running water.  Living quarters cost a lot of money and finding not quite totally used up deodorant in the dumpsters is actually a pretty common find.
Title: Re: My landlord is a funny man!
Post by: Evonus on September 15, 2006, 07:09:31 PM
Homeless people usually don't have access to running water.  Living quarters cost a lot of money and finding not quite totally used up deodorant in the dumpsters is actually a pretty common find.

Glad to know you've had a lot of experience with that phenomena.
Title: Re: My landlord is a funny man!
Post by: scribcake on September 15, 2006, 07:19:07 PM
<snip>
finding not quite totally used up deodorant in the dumpsters is actually a pretty common find.
</snip>

Aww... and all this time I thought used deodorant was phat loot  :-(
Title: Re: My landlord is a funny man!
Post by: pbsaurus on September 15, 2006, 08:52:57 PM
Glad to know you've had a lot of experience with that phenomena.

Didn't you say you were in college?  Or are you one of those trust fund kids who doesn't have to pay for school?
Title: Re: My landlord is a funny man!
Post by: Evonus on September 15, 2006, 09:07:08 PM
Didn't you say you were in college?  Or are you one of those trust fund kids who doesn't have to pay for school?

I am a college student who is in debt up to his eyebrows. Although right now I'm doing an internship with a big company making the big bucks. :)
Title: Re: My landlord is a funny man!
Post by: pbsaurus on September 15, 2006, 09:47:00 PM
What kind of internship?
Title: Re: My landlord is a funny man!
Post by: Evonus on September 15, 2006, 10:39:39 PM
What kind of internship?

A paid co-op internship.
Title: Re: My landlord is a funny man!
Post by: MISTER MASSACRE on January 28, 2007, 11:10:39 AM
Quote
Warning: this topic has not been posted in for at least 120 days.
Unless you're sure you want to reply, please consider starting a new topic.

Huh, neat little warning we got there.


Update:

Now I live with my girlfriend in a three bedroom house downtown. We have mice. :D

I like to keep this thread alive so you can all sleep easy knowing about my current living conditions.

Title: Re: My landlord is a funny man!
Post by: hackess on January 28, 2007, 01:31:35 PM
Mice I could deal with. No water, not so much.
Title: Re: My landlord is a funny man!
Post by: Dark Shade on January 28, 2007, 05:17:05 PM
We have mice. :D

Are they nice mice?
Title: Re: My landlord is a funny man!
Post by: Agent_Tachyon on January 28, 2007, 08:13:24 PM
My dad got cats to deal with his mice. Problem is, now we're overrun with cats. I'm opting for dogs this round.
Title: Re: My landlord is a funny man!
Post by: BizB on January 28, 2007, 08:59:49 PM
Be careful.  That song ends with, "She's dead, of course."
Title: Re: My landlord is a funny man!
Post by: MISTER MASSACRE on January 28, 2007, 11:06:36 PM
Are they nice mice?

Yes and no - while they're very cute once I evict them into the harsh Canadian winter (they run around in adorable little circles, wondering where the hell they are), the first mouse was a bit of a jerk. He ate a bunch of chocolate I had left on my desk - this is how we found out about the mice - and I left him a note with the remainder of the chocolate. He ate the rest of the chocolate, and didn't even read the note!

This is the note:

Dear Mouse,

Fuck you. Don't eat my chocolate again. You can have this piece because you already fucked it up.
P.S. Ur dead.

Title: Re: My landlord is a funny man!
Post by: 12AX7 on January 29, 2007, 06:11:11 AM
and didn't even read the note!
So these are the famous Blind Mice from the song? Dude! You can cash in on that Big Time! ...PM me; I know people.
Title: Re: My landlord is a funny man!
Post by: Agent_Tachyon on January 29, 2007, 01:05:59 PM
Yes and no - while they're very cute once I evict them into the harsh Canadian winter (they run around in adorable little circles, wondering where the hell they are), the first mouse was a bit of a jerk. He ate a bunch of chocolate I had left on my desk - this is how we found out about the mice - and I left him a note with the remainder of the chocolate. He ate the rest of the chocolate, and didn't even read the note!

This is the note:

Dear Mouse,

Fuck you. Don't eat my chocolate again. You can have this piece because you already fucked it up.
P.S. Ur dead.


Try braille next time!
Title: Re: My landlord is a funny man!
Post by: BizB on January 29, 2007, 01:22:23 PM
(http://www.mathsisfun.com/temp/img354.gif)
Title: Re: My landlord is a funny man!
Post by: 12AX7 on January 29, 2007, 01:51:03 PM
You're supposed to only color in ONE bubble per answer.
Title: Re: My landlord is a funny man!
Post by: pbsaurus on January 29, 2007, 02:02:26 PM
So are you going to bait or go the trap route?
Title: Re: My landlord is a funny man!
Post by: MISTER MASSACRE on January 29, 2007, 02:40:52 PM
(http://www.mathsisfun.com/temp/img354.gif)

(http://www.mathsisfun.com/temp/img355.gif)

Quote from: pbsaurus
So are you going to bait or go the trap route?

How does "baited trap" sound? We have these little metal boxes that have a panel in the centre that holds food. When the panel is moved at all, two side panels come crashing down, ensuring the mouse will be bored.
Title: Re: My landlord is a funny man!
Post by: Crystalmonkey on January 29, 2007, 07:19:32 PM
ensuring the mouse will be bored.


Bored.... to death! *Cue dramatic music*